Joke Thread!

Gooshin · 08-29-2008, 12:53 PM

sorry if this is a bit tacky, but i think we all would like a good laugh, so why not put all of those daily funny stuff we read/know/find into this thread?

jokes, video's, etc.

i'll start.

So when East and West germany were drawing up their borders they came to a house that was right in the middle, so the approached the land owner and asked him

"sir, do you want to be part of east germany or west?"

he thought about it for a bit and answered "i'd like to be part of the west"

they then asked him why he decided on west, and his reply was

"i just cant stand russian winters"

badabush....

*Damn Brit* · 08-29-2008, 01:17 PM

Good timing Serge, here's a video someone sent me.
YouTube - Capoeira Fighter Isn't So Tough
Good joke to start the thread BTW

*bigben91682* · 08-29-2008, 02:19 PM

Originally Posted by damn brit

good timing serge, here's a video someone sent me.
youtube - capoeira fighter isn't so tough
good joke to start the thread btw

heeeey oh!

*Ash* · 08-29-2008, 03:05 PM

Cool stuff.

An elderly lady was admitted in hospital, a little hard of hearing, but otherwise quite chirpy.
Her doctor came by on his morning rounds, chatted with her a while and then assessed her health status with a chest examination.

"Big breath..." the doctor requested.

"Yes, they used to be" she replied.

ftpaddict · 08-29-2008, 03:12 PM

Knock knock

*ve2vfd* · 08-29-2008, 03:31 PM

Who's there?

And while I'm at it...

Two muffins are baking in the oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "Gee, it sure is HOT in here." the other muffin replies, "Holy crap! A Talking Muffin!!"

Pat

*Damn Brit* · 08-29-2008, 04:03 PM

Originally Posted by ve2vfd

Two muffins are baking in the oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "Gee, it sure is HOT in here." the other muffin replies, "Holy crap! A Talking Muffin!!"

Pat

A new intern arrives at a Sexual Disorders Clinic. The Head of the clinic is showing her around when she happens to glance into a room, there is a patient with his pants round his ankles masturbating into a jar. "What's his disorder?" said the intern, "SPD" was the reply, "If he doesn't ejaculate every 4 or 5 hours he will die".

Later when passing another room, the intern sees another patient with his pants around his ankles. This time there is a beautiful nurse on her knees giving the patient a blow job. "What is his disorder?" said the intern. The reply was "Oh, he has SPD as well but he has better insurance."

Gooshin · 08-29-2008, 04:08 PM

Originally Posted by Damn Brit

A new intern arrives at a Sexual Disorders Clinic. The Head of the clinic is showing her around when she happens to glance into a room, there is a patient with his pants round his ankles masturbating into a jar. "What's his disorder?" said the intern, "SPD" was the reply, "If he doesn't ejaculate every 4 or 5 hours he will die".

Later when passing another room, the intern sees another patient with his pants around his ankles. This time there is a beautiful nurse on her knees giving the patient a blow job. "What is his disorder?" said the intern. The reply was "Oh, he has SPD as well but he has better insurance."

ROFL!!!!

*ve2vfd* · 08-29-2008, 04:14 PM

A string walks into a bar and asks for a martini...

The bartender says:

- I'm sorry we don't serve alcohol to string here, now get out...

So the string walks out of the bar sulking

Ten minutes later the string walks back in wearing sunglasses and a fake mustash and orders a martini...

The bartender says:

- I'm sorry we don't serve alcohol to string here, now get out...

So once more the string walks out of the bar sulking

The string then unravels a few inches of itself, ties himself in a knot and walks back into the bar...

The bartender says:

- Hey! Aren't you that string I already threw out twice!?

The string answers:

- No! I'm a frayed knot!

ll_coffee_lP · 08-29-2008, 05:28 PM

Originally Posted by Damn Brit

A new intern arrives at a Sexual Disorders Clinic. The Head of the clinic is showing her around when she happens to glance into a room, there is a patient with his pants round his ankles masturbating into a jar. "What's his disorder?" said the intern, "SPD" was the reply, "If he doesn't ejaculate every 4 or 5 hours he will die".

Later when passing another room, the intern sees another patient with his pants around his ankles. This time there is a beautiful nurse on her knees giving the patient a blow job. "What is his disorder?" said the intern. The reply was "Oh, he has SPD as well but he has better insurance."

^ That there is funny.

c[_]

*Damn Brit* · 08-29-2008, 05:43 PM

Originally Posted by ve2vfd

An elderly lady who is hard of hearing is at her doctors office for an examination.

The doctor has her remove her top, puts the stetoscope on her chest and says:

- "Big breath!"

She responds:

- "Yes, they used to be!"

*groan*

You numb nuts Pat, Ash posted the same joke five posts before you. Was that deliberate or the biggest coincidence of the century?

davebris33 · 08-29-2008, 06:02 PM

I went to the doctor with a very sore bottom, so he said to me..

"Take down your pants and we'll see what the issue is"

So a little embarrassed I oblige, and after a little prodding and a few 'Mmmm's' and 'Ah's' the doctor says.

"You've got a case of parrot's disease!"

"Parrot's disease? What the hell is that?" I replied, a little worried.

"I'm not really sure." Says my doctor, "But it's pretty obvious you've had a Cockatoo!"

*Tyama* · 08-29-2008, 06:14 PM

A man and his wife were driving home one cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"

He says, "OK, get in the car with it."

"Where shall I put it to keep warm?" the wife asks.

He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there."

Giggling she asks, "But what about the smell?"

He replies, "Just hold his little nose

flyer · 08-29-2008, 06:41 PM

This guy is very handy with his hands. He can play the guitar like Peter Frampton and do some outstanding things with wood. One day, he's in a bad accident and loose an arm. After recovery, he tries to play the guitar, but it doesn't work. Down a little bit, he thinks he'll be able to survive out of his skill with wood, but that doesn't work either. So, being very low, the guy goes in town and sees a ten story building. He climbs on the roof and just as he's about to jump down to commit suicide, he sees a guy coming with no arms at all, but the guy is dancing and "swinging" like you couldn't believe. So our guy thinks: That guy seems so happy and he's got no arms. I still have one, so I should be happier!. Our guy goes down the building and chases the guy. after catching up with the guy, he tells him: I was about to commit suicide because I lost an arm, but I saw you coming dancing and swinging and you seemed so happy that I decided to give it another try. The other guy looks at him and answers: I'm not happy, I have an itchy @$$!

*ve2vfd* · 08-29-2008, 07:30 PM

Originally Posted by Damn Brit

You numb nuts Pat, Ash posted the same joke five posts before you. Was that deliberate or the biggest coincidence of the century?

Wow!

I think I've been snorting too much aliminium powder lately!

There I changed it to something even worse!