Regaining focus

[Syb]

There we are. Roughly three quarters of a year later.

One of my last posts here on this forum was on losing my dear friend Frodo in a car accident. That was in january. Your replies then meant a lot to me, still have to say thank you for that.

It is incredible how much energy, how much devastation, how much change can be brought along by a friend dying unexpectedly.

Right now, I find myself in a process of restoring myself. Who is the I I want to be? I am rebuilding myself, my life, friendships and professional talents. These have all gone through really difficult times.

First, there is the work. I found it hardly possible to concentrate on my work for a very long period of time - being almost half a year. I could not get myself motivated to write blogs, webtexts, press releases. The subjects just could not keep me focused.
It took months to regain myself, to see the priorities of my clients as important again.

Secondly, there is my relationship. My way of coping with the loss was intolerable for my girlfriend. She saw me needing someone from the grief-group more intensely than I needed her. She thought this was a threat for 'our' relationship and wanted me to stop seeing her. I tried to do so, but found that I simply just couldn't. She vetoed me having contact with that other woman. There was no escape. What she wanted was something I could not give. And what I wanted was something she said she couldn't give. She did not trust me, when I said I wanted to have time and that it would all end up fine with us. She broke in to my email box several times, misinterpreted what she read. Didn't believe me. So we split up.
We have a fouryearold daugher, who is going to have us as two parents at different locations. My ex wife-to-be is going to live 20 mins away, and we will share the care for our poor little daughter. We hope that she will not suffer too much from this, and in order to achieve that we try to keep our contact normal, though there still is a lot of emotion going on there.

Thirdly, there are friends that I haven't seen for a very long time. Far too long to be normal in a friendship. I know that the story of Anne and me splitting up is buzzing around, so now I only hope that my friendships with them will be restorable.

Fourthly, there is this money thing. I have to pay for the house myself now, yielding an enormous mortgage that I hope I will be able to pay for continuously. Let's just hope that the work thing will continue to go allright. Maybe you folks will benefit when I try to get some cash in exchange for glass... I just hope it won't be necessary.

Fifthly, there is this family thing. My mom always used to be a fan of my ex-girlfriend. Mother considers our splitting up as mostly my fault. I am the one to blame. In her vision, it is not a matter of a relationship that didn't work out anymore. It is now a woman being cheated by her man (that man being me), her son. So she's angry with her son. And she just won't listen fully to my side of the story.

And last, there is this forum. I haven't visited it for a very long time. I was pleased by the new skin (mind you!) of the homepage. But I have not forgotten you. Just wanted to say: even if I am not yet back as frequently as I used to be: I am on my way back. Recovering.

It's good that the good things remain.

[Damn Brit]

Good luck Syb.

[séamuis]

I wish you the best of luck in your ongoing recovery, and hope to see you back and active as soon as possible.