I don't terribly mind the softness. It's kind of hard to tell from the b&w part, but does she happen to be squinting? It may help to shoot in shade. The background also looks kind of distracting to me, as it's hard to make out exactly what it is, but there's no color to make it interesting. Maybe consider posting the original?
Oh, and forgot to answer the original question... I think the b&w conversion looks fine, but I'm using a different monitor than I'm used to, so I can't really tell good b&w from bad... haha sorry.
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