Junior Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: New York City - Staten Island | Losing Friendships Over Photography?
Full disclosure: This is going to be a long rant because the background events leading up the “the situations” are integral to what happened. I’m posting because I truly want to know if anyone else has had similarly unfortunate experiences in this regard and what, if anything, I can learn from them.
Within the space of less than 3 months last year, two separate friendships were severely and perhaps irreparably damaged by situations connected to my photography. I cling to the belief that I did nothing wrong. I have stood my ground on the first incident, but caved on the second. However, I continue to suffer emotional distress over the loss and what I could or should have done differently.
Both sets of friends are fully aware that, after losing my day job in March 2009, I’ve been trying and marginally succeeding in earning a bit of income as a 2nd shooter for a local studio and through small family gigs I get via word of mouth. It’s a fledgling ‘business” but a business nonetheless. I describe myself as a hemidemisemi-pro photographer. They all know that the bit I earn from photography is not pin money but rather goes toward paying the bills.
Situation 1:
In the first incident, a neighbor with whom I had been very friendly, called in a panic the Wednesday evening before her daughter’s Saturday wedding, when she learned that the wedding photog would not be coming to the bride’s home to shoot pre-ceremony. She begged me to do so and I agreed. I shot for about 3 hours and post-processed for an additional 5-6. At the end of the shoot, the MOB asked what she could do to repay me so I explained that I earn a small commission on prints and JPGs purchased from the smugmug site where I load the images and would therefore appreciate orders placed there. I don’t recall her exact response but I’m fairly certain I’d remember if she balked.
The pre-ceremony shoot was a huge success and afterwards, the FOB called me in tears saying the photos “took my breath away.” Awhile after that, the MOB called to ask how to download the JPGs from my shoot because the “official” photog’s were a huge disappointment and mine were the only ones anyone wanted. I walked her through the process of purchasing and downloading. That’s when the balking began. She repeatedly asked me to just give her a CD so that she can order prints at the local pharmacy. I repeatedly tried to explain (1) the benefits of using a pro lab and (2) that free downloads would obliterate my meager commission: 50 cents for JPGs (42-cent commission) and 50 cents for 4x6 prints (26-cent commission). She was having none of that. That conversation was followed by the several identical ones, each one making me increasingly uncomfortable. The wedding was 5 months ago and to this day, my total commission from the shoot amounts to $1.25, from prints purchased by the mother of the flower girl. In the meantime, the password-protected gallery has received more than 5,000 hits, the bride has stopped speaking to me and the relationship with the family has cooled considerably. I have not changed the prices or provided a free CD.
Situation 2:
A dentist friend of more than 40 years recently became a grandfather twice within the space of a few weeks. For the first newborn, I managed to pull off a few good shots of the mother and newborn while visiting them in the hospital. The new parents were thrilled and used the images (which I gave them for free) in the birth announcement and on their Facebook pages. For the second baby, complications prevented hospital visits but, now feeling obliged to do for the second sister what I did for the first, I asked the new parents to let me know if and when they’d like me to come by. A few weeks later, the new grandmother called to say that both babies were at her home and that this would be a good time to come by and shoot them. Grandma invited me for lunch. I brought dessert. When I arrived, I was told the family wanted photos for a birth announcement and 3 Christmas cards – one for each of the new parents and one for the new grandparents. Several changes of clothes for both babies were already laid out and both new mothers were dressed and primped. Obviously, I was not prepared for a formal sitting but did the best I could under the circumstances, shot for more than 3 hours and managed to pull off several decent shots. Grandpa arrived toward the end and when the shoot was over, asked me for the SD card so he could download the images directly onto his laptop. I explained that I needed to post-process the images first and that since I shoot in RAW, he would not be able to see them without the proper conversion software anyway. Grandpa was very skeptical and annoyed yet I was afraid to give him the SD to demonstrate for fear that something would go awry and I’d loose the entire set.
A few days later I posted the finished images to my smugmug gallery, provided a password, and priced the JPGs and prints as I did for the bride. Within minutes, Grandpa purchased $7 worth of JPGs ($5.88 commission), then immediately fired off a nasty e-mail to me berating me for threatening our 40-year friendship by exploiting his grandchildren’s shoot to make a “profit,” that this “profit motive” was my ulterior motive for not allowing him to download the images the day of the shoot (untrue, obviously); that it was my idea to take the photos in the first place (partly true), and that as my dentist, he has never asked me to pay the difference between his standard fees and what my insurance pays him (true). In an effort to keep the peace (and in acknowledgment of my own failure to discuss the charges in advance) I immediately arranged for smugmug to refund the $7, removed the JPG download fee and called to apologize, explaining that since I was unemployed, I was merely trying to recoup actual expenses, e.g., $10 in bridge tolls to get to his house. We patched things up, or so I thought.
Since then, however, both new mothers have stopped speaking to me altogether and relationships with Grandpa and Grandma are severely damaged, perhaps irreparably so. We no longer communicate, no longer socialize, and I was not invited to the second baby’s Christening as I was for the first. The punchline: 7 of my images were used on the 3 Christmas cards. No one has ever called or written to say thanks.
One more item that might be irrelevant but which continues to eat at me: Grandma once owned a yarn shop, from which over the years I had purchased several hundred of dollars worth of merchandise—never got a thing for free and never questioned her or anyone’s right to earn a profit.
Has anyone else had similar experiences? How did you deal with them? Am I a bad photographer, a bad person or just really bad at choosing friends?
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Originally posted by newmikey 
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