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08-17-2011, 06:30 PM   #1
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Favorite Quotes

"I must have gone through $10 million during my career. Part of the loot went for gambling, part for horses and part for women. The rest I spent foolishly." - Actor George Raft.


Last edited by SpecialK; 08-17-2011 at 09:02 PM.
08-17-2011, 07:51 PM   #2
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"Your mouthwash ain't makin' it." - Inspector "Dirty" Harry Callahan

"Trust me, I know what I'm doing." - Inspector Sledge Hammer

"If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask?" - Scott Adams

"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana." - Groucho marx
08-20-2011, 01:39 PM   #3
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"I can no longer sit back and allow...Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy...to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids." - General Jack D. Ripper.
08-20-2011, 02:11 PM   #4
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The world has achieved brilliance without conscience...
Ours is a world of military and economic giants and ethical infants.

- Omar Bradley
Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff

08-20-2011, 02:31 PM   #5
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My favourites are truncated:

Have a dream.
Familiarity breeds.
The future's not ours.
A penny saved is a penny.
We have nothing but fear itself.
08-20-2011, 02:42 PM   #6
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War is just a racket. A racket is best described, I believe, as something that is not what it seems to the majority of people. Only a small inside group knows what it is about. It is conducted for the benefit of the very few at the expense of the masses.
Major General Smedley Butler, USMC 1933

“Loyalty to the country always, loyalty to the government when it deserves it.” - Mark Twain

They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
-Benjamin Franklin, Historical Review of Pennsylvania

"War is the health of the state"
Randolph Bourne - 1918

War is peace
Freedom is slavery
Ignorance is strength
Fox is news

"At least we still have freedom of speech," I said. And she said, "That isn't something somebody else gives you. That's something you have to give yourself." -Kurt Vonnegut, jr. (1990)

There are plenty of good reasons for fighting, but no good reason ever to hate without reservation, to imagine that God Almighty Himself hates with you, too.--Kurt Vonnegut, Mother Night

The only difference between Bush and Hitler is that Hitler was elected. --Kurt Vonnegut

"...there is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things..." --Machiavelli

"Fascism should more appropriately be called Corporatism because it is a marriage of state and corporate power." - Benito Mussolini

"[Our constitution] will fail, as all such constitutions have in the past, because of the essential corruption of the people. He pointed his finger at all the American people. And when the people become so corrupt, he said, we will find it is not a republic that they want but rather despotism -- the only form of government suitable for such a people." Gore Vidal, quoting Franklin.

Why would Our Leader bomb Iran to punish North Korea? For the same reason he attacked Iraq to punish Al Qaeda. It's what emperors do. -- Gen. JC Christian, Patriot

Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof. -- Ashley Montague

Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western religion; rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western science.
-- Gary Zukav, The Dancing Wu Li Masters

Real scientists are required to play by the rules without exception. Creationists follow the rules of science only so long as it is expedient. Then they resort to miracles. But resorting to miracles is not offering an explanation: it is asserting that no real explanation exists. Whenever creationists resort to miracles, they are admitting that their system cannot account for the facts of nature; it cannot explain the world.
-- Frank R Zindler, "Reversing Science,"

The First Amendment of the US Constitution ... is an eloquent repudiation of the First Commandment's prohibition of religious freedom. It is also a repudiation of the Third Commandment's prohibition of freedom of speech. The Thirteenth Amendment repudiates the institution of slavery which is so cozily assumed by the Fourth and Tenth Protestant Commandments.
-- Frank R Zindler, "Hang ’Em All -- Completely!"

Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.
-- Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Even the sceptical mind must be prepared to accept the unacceptable when there is no alternative. If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family Anatidae on our hands.
-- Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry, and is generally considered to have been a bad move.
-- Douglas Adams, The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy

He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife.
-- Douglas Adams, The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy

"The President is merely the most important among a large number of public servants. He should be supported or opposed exactly to the degree which is warranted by his good conduct or bad conduct, his efficiency or inefficiency in rendering loyal, able, and disinterested service to the Nation as a whole. Therefore it is absolutely necessary that there should be full liberty to tell the truth about his acts, and this means that it is exactly necessary to blame him when he does wrong as to praise him when he does right. Any other attitude in an American citizen is both base and servile. To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. Nothing but the truth should be spoken about him or any one else. But it is even more important to tell the truth, pleasant or unpleasant, about him than about any one else."-"Roosevelt in the Kansas City Star", 149 May 7, 1918

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. --Blaise Pascal

There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs. - John Rogers, Kung Fu Monkey

It’s called the American Dream, 'cause you have to be asleep to believe it.
-George Carlin Life is Worth Losing

One more

Never argue with store clerks, burros, cops, nor head cheese.--RioRico
08-20-2011, 02:43 PM   #7
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Being a mechanic and working around some "rough around the edges" types has givin me quite a few gems..
"There's more than one way to skin a cat, other than sticking a straw up it's @$# and sucking it's guts out"
"You could do that.. or you could think about what your doing."
"If I had a dollar for every time I heard that, I'd have a dollar."
And my personal favorite is always embedded in my sig.

08-20-2011, 02:58 PM   #8
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Have to do a few computer ones as well...

It isn't that UNIX isn't a user-friendly operating system, it's just very choosy about who its friends are, and even best friends fight sometimes.--Bruce Murphy

Mac OS X: Because making UNIX user friendly was easier than fixing Windows

Q: How many Microsoft vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight. One to work the bulb, and seven to make sure that Microsoft
gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.--Bruce Murphy

Never ask what sort of computer a guy drives. If he's a Mac user, he'll tell you. If not, why embarrass him?-- Tom Clancy

Indeed, it would not be an exaggeration to describe the history of the computer industry for the past decade as a massive effort to keep up with Apple. -Byte, December 1994 (Bruce Murphy)

Q: How many Microsoft testers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We just determine that the room is dark; we don't actually change the bulb. Since we have a dead-bulb result on file from a previous test, rest assured that Development is working on a bug fix.--Bruce Murphy

Q: How many Windows users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. But they'll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy as it would be for a Mac user.--Bruce Murphy

The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armour to lead all customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he who, by peddling second-rate technology, led them into it in the first place.--Douglas Adams, on Windows 95

...one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.--Robert Firth

At Microsoft, quality is job 1.1b3--Mitch Stone

Even paperback books have a far longer lifespan than computers. It's a humble thing, a book, but the interface doesn't change and they don't need software upgrades and new operating systems. A five dollar paperback book will dance on the grave of a five thousand dollar computer.--Bruce Sterling

"I'm not one of those who think Bill Gates is the devil. I simply suspect that if Microsoft ever met up with the devil, it wouldn't need an interpreter."--Nicholas Petreley, Sr. Editor, InfoWorld

"It's better to be a pirate than to join the Navy" - Steve Jobs

"The next generation of interesting software will be done on the Macintosh, not the IBM PC." - Bill Gates, Business Week, Nov 26, 1984, p.154

"That's not what a Mac does. I want Mac on the PC, I want Mac on the PC!" - B. Gates, Gates p.54

"Apple has issued a recall on several models of Mac laptops because the battery can overheat and catch fire. Experts say a Mac fire is just like a PC fire, except it's more hip and condescending." ---Conan O'Brien

"I guess I am saddened, not by Microsoft's success - I have no problem with their success, they've earned their success, for the most part. I have a problem with the fact that they just make really third rate products."-Steve Jobs in Triumph of the Nerds

Steve Jobs is my shepherd; I am of the Apple Herd.
He maketh me download the latest version of iTunes; He leadeth me to the app store.
He restoreth my soul; Yet removeth my liquidity.
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness; Away from Google, Flash, and Microsoft. - Ryan Sohmer

Now some haiku...

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
08-20-2011, 03:17 PM   #9
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Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself -- Yogi Berra After being told he looked cool.
08-26-2011, 10:02 PM   #10
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My signature......... There's a ton more I use all the time but cannot for the life of me think of them right now, be back later.
08-27-2011, 01:00 AM   #11
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"Live forever, or die in the attempt." - Joseph Heller.
08-27-2011, 01:01 AM   #12
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(Wait, I don't speak Afrikaans. I'm not even South African. I do like boerwors, though.)
08-27-2011, 03:39 AM   #13
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Society is now one polished horde, formed of two mighty tries, the Bores and Bored.

There is something pagan in me that I cannot shake off. In short, I deny nothing, but doubt everything.

Why I came here, I know not; where I shall go it is useless to inquire - in the midst of myriads of the living and the dead worlds, stars, systems, infinity, why should I be anxious about an atom?

What is the end of Fame?
Tis but to fill a certain portion of uncertain paper.
Some liken it to climbing up a hill,
Whose summit, like all hills, is lost in vapor.
For this men write, speak, preach, and heroes kill,
and bards burn what they call their "midnight taper."
To have, when the original is dust, a name, a wretched
picture, and worse, bust.

George Noel Gordon, Lord Byron

I actually find Byron quite profound sometimes and very funny. I love his letters. That comment about the atom? It's very far seeing considering he lived and died well before the advent of the Bomb.

Last edited by magkelly; 08-27-2011 at 03:45 AM.
08-27-2011, 04:38 AM   #14
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"640K of memory should be enough for anybody." attributed to Bill Gates, who says he never said it... but he sure did build his first several operating systems as if it were true... and we still suffer because of that assumption today.

And to lighten the mood... some gems from Homer Simpson...

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? -

That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!

Last edited by MRRiley; 08-27-2011 at 04:48 AM.
08-27-2011, 04:54 AM   #15
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He came from a very clever family. Of course, I'm somewhat biased because he was an alumnus of my college at Cambridge. His daughter, Ada, became quite well known.

Ada Lovelace - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

One of my favourite quotes is not attributed to anyone famous. It came from a discussion of the weather conditions (it was blowing a gale) while we were sitting in front of the Bendigo Sailing Club and thinking about whether or not we might get brave and go for a sail. One of the guys, a cow cockie, came out with "I reckon it's windy enough to blow a dog off a chain".

He was right

Richard.
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