[boriscleto]

Paul Ryan Wondering If He Should Have Told Romney About This Guy He's Dating | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

DES MOINES, IA—After appearing at his first solo campaign event since becoming the presumptive Republican nominee for vice president, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) reportedly began wondering if he ought to have told running mate Mitt Romney about the man he’s been dating recently. "I guess I probably should have mentioned Elliot when Mitt and his staff talked to me last Friday," Ryan said to himself Monday, adding that it had only been a couple months since he and his boyfriend started dating exclusively and that the pair were still "in the fun, early phase" of the relationship. "I mean, we're not super serious at this point. We see each other a few times a week at most. I'm not ruling out something more meaningful down the road, but right now it's really not a big deal." According to sources, despite his initial concern, Ryan relaxed after deciding that Romney would "absolutely love Elliot" when the two met at the Republican National Convention later this month.

[boriscleto]

Admit It, I Scare The Ever-Loving Shit Out Of You, Don't I? | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

I have another question for you: How scared are you that I can convince people I’m right? Because I’m good at it. No, I’m really good at it. You see, I know how to turn up the charm and charisma without putting people off. Then I back up what I’m saying with arguments that, when they come out of my mouth, sound completely accurate and well-reasoned. And I do it with such passion that people automatically recognize me as a man with deep convictions he will stand up for, no matter what.

The American people love that shit. They love it.

Passion, intellect, and a magnetic personality. Pretty damn intimidating combo, if I say so myself. You want to talk about polish? Man, I’ve got polish for miles. Oh, and by the way, I’ll go ahead and say this next thing because, if we’re being honest, why the hell not, right? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m white. Hoo, brother, am I white.