[Parallax]

Words Women Use:

1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
wrong but aren't going to give you the satisfaction of admitting it.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something,
and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing
usually end in "fine!" or "whatever.......".

4.) Whatever: Another argument ender meaning "just shut up, I'm through discussing this".

5) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an
idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing
with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women
can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

8.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning
this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but
is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, "what's
wrong", for the woman's response refer to # 3.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
but did you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping.

---

Last edited by Parallax; 08-19-2013 at 08:57 AM.

[Kerrowdown]

Words Women Use:

You forgot to mention the one that gets levelled at me on occasion, the phrase "I've been thinking".

This usually involves my money, my time or both and when used it usually puts the fear of God into me.

[Tako Kichi]

I can so relate to the comments posted above by Parallax and Kerrowdown!

[OldPentaxFan]

MAN RULES

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question..

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus didNOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.




1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.




1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying , but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football, Hunting, Fishing

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. RoundIS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[gaweidert]

Today is our 37the wedding anniversary. If I show this to my wife will we make it to 38?

[slip]

This has got to be one of the most truthful, compelling photos ever taken...

Thanks for the laugh...it is so true!
And once you get close to figuring out what the buttons are for...they change!!

Made my day

Randy

[tuco]

And of course the lower box comes with no instruction manual.

[tuco]

MAN RULES
.
.
.

And one I'd add from an ancient proverb that is just as true today as it was back then...

Man who fights with wife during day gets no piece at night.

[slip]

And one I'd add from an ancient proverb that is just as true today as it was back then...

Man who fights with wife during day gets no piece at night.

[Rupert]

Words Women Use:

1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
wrong but aren't going to give you the satisfaction of admitting it.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something,
and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing
usually end in "fine!" or "whatever.......".

4.) Whatever: Another argument ender meaning "just shut up, I'm through discussing this".

5) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an
idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing
with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women
can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

8.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning
this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but
is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, "what's
wrong", for the woman's response refer to # 3.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
but did you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping.

Words of wisdom, and I've heard them all...and all too often. Still, the scariest words I ever hear are after an argument I have won...or thought I won. These can send a shocking tingle down to your toes and raise your blood pressure to unhealthy levels....

"Be back later, I'm going shopping."

Regards!

[Parallax]

These can send a shocking tingle down to your toes and raise your blood pressure to unhealthy levels....

"Be back later, I'm going shopping."

Regards!

Especially if prefaced by "Fine!" or "What ever."

[Rupert]

Especially if prefaced by "Fine!" or "What ever."

Or followed by "Is the U-Haul place by the Mall open today?"

Regards!

I only went to Macy's once with Mrs Rupert, and it was so damn scary I never went back. The clerk greeted her by name and got the store mgr to come down and greet us. He gave me some comfy fleece lined slippers, a nice smoking jacket, and sat me in a big recliner in the furniture dept, where a waiter soon arrived with a big fat cigar and some nice vintage wine. They rolled in a big screen TV and handed me the remote, and said "relax, you will be here a while". Don't ever tell your wife her butt looks big when she asks, no matter if it is the size of the side of a barn, unless of course, you want to meet the mgr of Macy's.

[slip]

Showed some ladies the photo and they just didn't understand

Randy

[tclausen]

Showed some ladies the photo and they just didn't understand

Randy

You are a courageous man, slip.......or lucky, that you got out of it alive.

[faceless_el]

hahaha... this made my day