I think I'm back.

Tom S. · 07-16-2015, 05:17 AM

At the end of last May, I rushed my wife to the hospital with signs of a seizure. To make a long and very sad story short, she passed away 12 days later. Living without her has been the absolute worst thing that has ever happened to me, and dealing with all the things that followed her passing like the arrangements, clearing out her items, insurance and whatnot also took their toll. She passed 5 days before her 65th birthday and three weeks before our 46th anniversary.

It has taken me this long to even consider coming back to forum in any capacity, as my heart just wasn't in doing any of my usual routine, which included being here. The past few days have been better and I hope I'm turning a corner back towards normalcy and a return to the things I liked to do before her passing. I want to thank Adam and my fellow moderators for their understanding on my absence and their support.

**PJ1** · 07-16-2015, 05:37 AM

I have not shared messages with you before, Tom, but you have my sympathy. You and your wife were a long time together and I can relate to that because my wife and I are about that same age and will celebrate 45 years of marriage this year. But welcome back to the Forum and I hope you can establish a new "normalcy" for yourself soon.
Peter

alamo5000 · 07-16-2015, 07:24 AM

Oh wow. Tom you have my condolences. That all said I want to encourage you in any way I can. Yes it can be very difficult but keep on going. Endure it well if at all possible.

If you try to have a little fun even though it's been difficult you will come out the other side a better man than you already are.

We are all here for you man. Hang in there.

Parallax · 07-16-2015, 07:32 AM

Welcome back, Tom.

Sandy Hancock · 07-16-2015, 07:38 AM

I have only been married half as long, but I think I can at least begin to understand.
Outside interests/distractions are important in helping to deal with grief and all that comes with it. Welcome back, if you are truly ready.

**paulh** · 07-16-2015, 07:44 AM

So sorry to hear the news, but welcome back to the forums. Hoping your return will help in some small way.

**csa** · 07-16-2015, 07:47 AM

Tom, my deepest sympathy in your loss. A few of us here know exactly what you are going thru, so we know the pain, the loneliness, the difficulties of just daily life. I think for me the worst was that friends thought after a short time, that I should be "back to normal".

Thanks for coming here & sharing your grief, believe me, it does help!

It is so good to have you back, even if it will be limited.

**Mikesul** · 07-16-2015, 08:06 AM

Welcome back, Tom. You have suffered a terrible loss and still must have a lot to deal with but I am sure we all hope that reengaging with PF will easy your burden at least a little.

normhead · 07-16-2015, 08:15 AM

Good to see you back buddy. Man that's tough, losing a spouse is about the most stress one can suffer. It takes about a year to develop a new normal, after the old one has been ripped away. Keep with it, day to day. You may not end up being the same person you were before, but you'll end up being something just as good, whether that means coming back to the forum or not. Good luck either way. Make the most of it.

reeftool · 07-16-2015, 08:25 PM

This is sad news to hear. My prayers are with you. It's good to see you back.

magkelly · 07-17-2015, 02:57 AM

Ah, man. I'm sorry, Tom... Hugs...

**Rondec** · 07-17-2015, 03:03 AM

I'm sorry for your loss, Tom. I'm sure nothing will ever replace the hole you have in your heart or your life, but I hope that with time the loss becomes less fresh.

Welcome back to the forum, as well.

**savoche** · 07-17-2015, 03:07 AM

Good to have you back, Tom. My thoughts are with you.

**pepperberry farm** · 07-17-2015, 04:13 AM

I am so sorry to have to read that, Tom - I cannot imagine your life right now. Please remember to reach out to friends and family as you continue to grieve and grow into your new life. It may not be better yet, but give it time.

micromacro · 07-17-2015, 05:40 AM

Tom,
I'm so sorry for your loss. There are no words to make you feel better, if only we would share the pain to take it away...
I can tell that photography helps me. When pain absorbs you completely, take the camera and go out to shot whatever you see, just go out.
Welcome back.

07-16-2015, 05:17 AM	#1
Tom S. Veteran Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: S.E. Michigan Photos: Albums Posts: 4,317	I think I'm back. At the end of last May, I rushed my wife to the hospital with signs of a seizure. To make a long and very sad story short, she passed away 12 days later. Living without her has been the absolute worst thing that has ever happened to me, and dealing with all the things that followed her passing like the arrangements, clearing out her items, insurance and whatnot also took their toll. She passed 5 days before her 65th birthday and three weeks before our 46th anniversary. It has taken me this long to even consider coming back to forum in any capacity, as my heart just wasn't in doing any of my usual routine, which included being here. The past few days have been better and I hope I'm turning a corner back towards normalcy and a return to the things I liked to do before her passing. I want to thank Adam and my fellow moderators for their understanding on my absence and their support.

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07-16-2015, 05:37 AM	#2
PJ1 Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Toowoomba, Australia Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 5,481	I have not shared messages with you before, Tom, but you have my sympathy. You and your wife were a long time together and I can relate to that because my wife and I are about that same age and will celebrate 45 years of marriage this year. But welcome back to the Forum and I hope you can establish a new "normalcy" for yourself soon. Peter

07-16-2015, 07:24 AM	#3
alamo5000 Pentaxian Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 2,962	Oh wow. Tom you have my condolences. That all said I want to encourage you in any way I can. Yes it can be very difficult but keep on going. Endure it well if at all possible. If you try to have a little fun even though it's been difficult you will come out the other side a better man than you already are. We are all here for you man. Hang in there.

07-16-2015, 07:32 AM	#4
Parallax Senior Moderator Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Dakota Photos: Gallery Posts: 19,332	Welcome back, Tom.

07-16-2015, 07:38 AM	#5
Sandy Hancock Moderator Site Supporter Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Adelaide Hills, South Australia Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 11,267	I have only been married half as long, but I think I can at least begin to understand. Outside interests/distractions are important in helping to deal with grief and all that comes with it. Welcome back, if you are truly ready.

07-16-2015, 07:44 AM	#6
paulh Site Supporter Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: DFW Texas/Ventura County, CA Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 33,244	So sorry to hear the news, but welcome back to the forums. Hoping your return will help in some small way.

07-16-2015, 07:47 AM	#7
csa Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Montana mountains Posts: 10,133	Tom, my deepest sympathy in your loss. A few of us here know exactly what you are going thru, so we know the pain, the loneliness, the difficulties of just daily life. I think for me the worst was that friends thought after a short time, that I should be "back to normal". Thanks for coming here & sharing your grief, believe me, it does help! It is so good to have you back, even if it will be limited.

07-16-2015, 08:06 AM	#8
Mikesul Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Phoenix, AZ Posts: 7,594	Welcome back, Tom. You have suffered a terrible loss and still must have a lot to deal with but I am sure we all hope that reengaging with PF will easy your burden at least a little.

07-16-2015, 08:15 AM	#9
normhead Pentaxian Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Near Algonquin Park Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 40,450	Good to see you back buddy. Man that's tough, losing a spouse is about the most stress one can suffer. It takes about a year to develop a new normal, after the old one has been ripped away. Keep with it, day to day. You may not end up being the same person you were before, but you'll end up being something just as good, whether that means coming back to the forum or not. Good luck either way. Make the most of it.

07-16-2015, 08:25 PM	#10
reeftool Pentaxian Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Upstate New York Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 9,553	This is sad news to hear. My prayers are with you. It's good to see you back.

07-17-2015, 02:57 AM	#11
magkelly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2010 Photos: Gallery Posts: 5,901	Ah, man. I'm sorry, Tom... Hugs...

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07-17-2015, 03:03 AM	#12
Rondec Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Gladys, Virginia Photos: Gallery Posts: 27,650	I'm sorry for your loss, Tom. I'm sure nothing will ever replace the hole you have in your heart or your life, but I hope that with time the loss becomes less fresh. Welcome back to the forum, as well.

07-17-2015, 03:07 AM	#13
savoche Master of the obvious Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Lowlands of Norway Posts: 18,311	Good to have you back, Tom. My thoughts are with you.

07-17-2015, 04:13 AM	#14
pepperberry farm amateur dirt farmer Join Date: Dec 2014 Location: probably out in a field somewhere... Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 41,637	I am so sorry to have to read that, Tom - I cannot imagine your life right now. Please remember to reach out to friends and family as you continue to grieve and grow into your new life. It may not be better yet, but give it time.

07-17-2015, 05:40 AM	#15
micromacro Pentaxian Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Florida Photos: Gallery Posts: 3,722	Tom, I'm so sorry for your loss. There are no words to make you feel better, if only we would share the pain to take it away... I can tell that photography helps me. When pain absorbs you completely, take the camera and go out to shot whatever you see, just go out. Welcome back.