The Joke Thread

disconnekt · 09-26-2019, 09:39 AM - **2 Likes**

Very bee-utiful

timb64 · 09-26-2019, 11:30 AM - **1 Like**

Creating quite a buzz!

jack002 · 09-27-2019, 06:24 AM - **10 Likes**

When I'm bored I like to call BEST WESTERN hotels, they answer the phone "BEST WESTERN" I reply "TRUE GRIT" and then hang up

**clackers** · 10-01-2019, 10:32 PM - **10 Likes**

A young man stopped at a local restaurant after a day of roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious-looking platter being served at the next table.

It looked good.

It smelled good.

He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"

The visitor, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the heck, I'm on holiday down here! Bring me an order!"

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"

The next morning, the man returned, placed his order, and then that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.

After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull, he wins."

**jawats** · 10-02-2019, 04:50 PM - **1 Like**

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Why did the rooster cross the road?

The chicken was in heat.

bxf · 10-03-2019, 03:26 AM - **3 Likes**

Sadly, I can relate to this...

jack002 · 10-04-2019, 09:20 AM - **3 Likes**

I'm getting a custom licence plate that says BAA BAA, it should look good on my BLACK JEEP

lesmore49 · 10-04-2019, 01:38 PM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by jack002

I'm getting a custom licence plate that says BAA BAA, it should look good on my BLACK JEEP

My son had a black jeep...would of been a great license plate..but now he has a grey Nissan pick up...any ideas for a personalized plate for this truck ?

bxf · 10-04-2019, 03:24 PM - **4 Likes**

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat.

The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look.

"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.

"Thanks," the girl says.

The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little partner, " the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

The little girl says, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

---------- Post added 04-10-19 at 23:39 ----------

A man was sitting at the tablein a restaurant, and was about to start eating his soup, when he accidentally dropped his spoon on the floor.

Quick as a flash, a waiter standing nearby pulls out a clean spoon from his breast pocket and puts it on the man's table.

The man is very impressed with this demonstration of attention, so he asks the waiter how he happens to have a clean spoon in his pocket. The waiter replies "oh, we had some efficiency expert here not long ago, and he made a point of how much time we spent fetching clean spoons for customers who dropped one, so he suggested that we all carry a spare for just such occasions.

The man was impressed and amused, and just as the waiter was about to go, the man noticed a string hanging out of the waiter's fly, so he asked "excuse me for asking, but do you know you have a string hanging through your zipper?" The waiter says " oh, that is another of the efficiency expert's suggestions. He pointed out how much time we spend washing our hands after using the bathroom, so he suggested that if we each simply attach a string to our thingo and handle it using only the string, we won't have to wash our hands after, and thus save time".

The customer pondered that for a moment and then asks "but how do you get your thing back into your pants without touching it?" The waiter replies "well, I don't know about the other waiters, but I use the spoon".

jack002 · 10-04-2019, 05:23 PM - **3 Likes**

Originally posted by lesmore49

My son had a black jeep...would of been a great license plate..but now he has a grey Nissan pick up...any ideas for a personalized plate for this truck ?

I suggest he sell it and get the Jeep back.

lesmore49 · 10-04-2019, 08:13 PM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by jack002

I suggest he sell it and get the Jeep back.

That's a good one...but I think it has too many letters to fit my son's license plate.

disconnekt · 10-04-2019, 08:44 PM - **1 Like**

Get a custom License Plate that says "Alien", so he can say he has a "Grey Alien" in the garage lol

**luftfluss** · 10-04-2019, 10:01 PM - **1 Like**

You Tube

Racer X 69 · 10-05-2019, 07:48 AM - **3 Likes**

Originally posted by lesmore49

My son had a black jeep...would of been a great license plate..but now he has a grey Nissan pick up...any ideas for a personalized plate for this truck ?

50 Shades Of . . . . . .

robtcorl · 10-06-2019, 05:01 PM - **3 Likes**

If you say gullible, really slowly, it sounds like oranges!
Try it!

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09-26-2019, 09:39 AM - 2 Likes	#1561
disconnekt Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: SoCal/I.E. Photos: Albums Posts: 1,702	Very bee-utiful

09-26-2019, 11:30 AM - 1 Like	#1562
timb64 Pentaxian Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: /Situation : Doing my best to avoid idiots! Photos: Gallery Posts: 9,514	Creating quite a buzz!

09-27-2019, 06:24 AM - 10 Likes	#1563
jack002 Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: Missouri Photos: Albums Posts: 727	When I'm bored I like to call BEST WESTERN hotels, they answer the phone "BEST WESTERN" I reply "TRUE GRIT" and then hang up

10-01-2019, 10:32 PM - 10 Likes	#1564
clackers Otis Memorial Pentaxian Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Melbourne Photos: Albums Posts: 16,397	A young man stopped at a local restaurant after a day of roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious-looking platter being served at the next table. It looked good. It smelled good. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!" The visitor, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the heck, I'm on holiday down here! Bring me an order!" The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!" The next morning, the man returned, placed his order, and then that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!" The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull, he wins."

10-02-2019, 04:50 PM - 1 Like	#1565
jawats Site Supporter Join Date: Nov 2017 Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 756	Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Why did the rooster cross the road? The chicken was in heat.

10-03-2019, 03:26 AM - 3 Likes	#1566
bxf Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Lisbon area Posts: 1,660	Sadly, I can relate to this...

10-04-2019, 09:20 AM - 3 Likes	#1567
jack002 Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: Missouri Photos: Albums Posts: 727	I'm getting a custom licence plate that says BAA BAA, it should look good on my BLACK JEEP

10-04-2019, 01:38 PM - 1 Like	#1568
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,350	Originally posted by jack002 I'm getting a custom licence plate that says BAA BAA, it should look good on my BLACK JEEP My son had a black jeep...would of been a great license plate..but now he has a grey Nissan pick up...any ideas for a personalized plate for this truck ?

10-04-2019, 03:24 PM - 4 Likes	#1569
bxf Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Lisbon area Posts: 1,660	A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration. "Thanks," the girl says. The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little partner, " the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster." The little girl says, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren." ---------- Post added 04-10-19 at 23:39 ---------- A man was sitting at the tablein a restaurant, and was about to start eating his soup, when he accidentally dropped his spoon on the floor. Quick as a flash, a waiter standing nearby pulls out a clean spoon from his breast pocket and puts it on the man's table. The man is very impressed with this demonstration of attention, so he asks the waiter how he happens to have a clean spoon in his pocket. The waiter replies "oh, we had some efficiency expert here not long ago, and he made a point of how much time we spent fetching clean spoons for customers who dropped one, so he suggested that we all carry a spare for just such occasions. The man was impressed and amused, and just as the waiter was about to go, the man noticed a string hanging out of the waiter's fly, so he asked "excuse me for asking, but do you know you have a string hanging through your zipper?" The waiter says " oh, that is another of the efficiency expert's suggestions. He pointed out how much time we spend washing our hands after using the bathroom, so he suggested that if we each simply attach a string to our thingo and handle it using only the string, we won't have to wash our hands after, and thus save time". The customer pondered that for a moment and then asks "but how do you get your thing back into your pants without touching it?" The waiter replies "well, I don't know about the other waiters, but I use the spoon".

10-04-2019, 05:23 PM - 3 Likes	#1570
jack002 Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: Missouri Photos: Albums Posts: 727	Originally posted by lesmore49 My son had a black jeep...would of been a great license plate..but now he has a grey Nissan pick up...any ideas for a personalized plate for this truck ? I suggest he sell it and get the Jeep back.

10-04-2019, 08:13 PM - 2 Likes	#1571
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,350	Originally posted by jack002 I suggest he sell it and get the Jeep back. That's a good one...but I think it has too many letters to fit my son's license plate.

10-04-2019, 08:44 PM - 1 Like	#1572
disconnekt Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: SoCal/I.E. Photos: Albums Posts: 1,702	Get a custom License Plate that says "Alien", so he can say he has a "Grey Alien" in the garage lol

10-05-2019, 07:48 AM - 3 Likes	#1574
Racer X 69 Moderator Man With A Camera Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: The Great Pacific Northwet, in the Land Between Canada and Mexico Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 28,073	Originally posted by lesmore49 My son had a black jeep...would of been a great license plate..but now he has a grey Nissan pick up...any ideas for a personalized plate for this truck ? 50 Shades Of . . . . . .

10-06-2019, 05:01 PM - 3 Likes	#1575
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	If you say gullible, really slowly, it sounds like oranges! Try it!