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jack002 · 10-23-2019, 08:08 AM - **5 Likes**

Originally posted by bigdavephoto

All of these puns are getting my goat.

We're only KIDDING

---------- Post added 10-23-19 at 08:25 AM ----------

What did the dermatologist say to his itchy patient?
You are a sight for psoriasis

robtcorl · 10-23-2019, 09:02 AM - **7 Likes**

I heard a report about a bad outbreak of the tummy bug, apparently 9 out of 10 people there suffered from diarrhea.
I can’t stop thinking about that tenth person who apparently enjoyed it.

robtcorl · 10-23-2019, 09:03 AM - **4 Likes**

Policeman: I'm very sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit by a bus.
Man: I’m aware of that, but Karen has a wonderful personality.

robtcorl · 10-23-2019, 09:10 AM - **7 Likes**

Wife calls her mother: "Today I fought so much with my husband. I am coming to live with you again.
Mother: No. He should pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.

robtcorl · 10-23-2019, 09:16 AM - **6 Likes**

OK, I'll quit after this one, I promise.

Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t appear to be breathing, his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Please stay calm. I will help you. First of all, let's make sure he's dead."
There’s a silence, then a gun shot. The guy gets back on the phone and says "OK, now what?"

torashi · 10-23-2019, 09:54 AM - **3 Likes**

torashi · 10-23-2019, 09:56 AM - **4 Likes**

• What's the cheapest type of meat?

• Deer balls. They're under a buck.

torashi · 10-23-2019, 10:01 AM - **5 Likes**

A deer hunter got on his hands and knees to take a closer look at some tracks. That's when he got hit by the train.

robtcorl · 10-23-2019, 10:08 AM - **4 Likes**

A husband and wife are eating dinner at a nice restaurant when she drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white blouse.
She exclaims: "I'm such a pig!"
Husband says: "Yes, and you also have some tomato sauce on your top."

jack002 · 10-23-2019, 12:31 PM - **4 Likes**

Originally posted by robtcorl

A husband and wife are eating dinner at a nice restaurant when she drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white blouse.
She exclaims: "I'm such a pig!"
Husband says: "Yes, and you also have some tomato sauce on your top."

He seemed to vanish mysteriously after that

torashi · 10-23-2019, 05:42 PM - **11 Likes**

My wife asked me if she was the only one I've ever been with. I said yes, the other ones were all nines and tens.

Please send help. I'm in the basement and she's almost chopped her way through the door!

timb64 · 10-23-2019, 10:23 PM - **2 Likes**

My wife asked me for a match.I replied Your face,my ass!

robtcorl · 10-24-2019, 07:07 AM - **5 Likes**

All these jokes about women need countering.

Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it?
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?

jack002 · 10-24-2019, 08:32 AM - **4 Likes**

I like making geographical puns, but I'd never make a Korea out of it

MarkJerling · 10-24-2019, 06:45 PM - **7 Likes**

Queen Elizabeth is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. She enters a ward full of patients, and notices that they’re all dressed in street clothes and have no obvious sign of injury or illness. The Queen approaches a patient and greets him. The patient replies:
“My heart’s in the Highlands, my heart is not here,
My heart’s in the Highlands, a-chasing the deer.”

The Queen is confused, but smiles and moves on to greet the next patient. The patient responds:
“Some hae meat an’ canna eat, And some wad eat tha’ want it,
But we hae meat an’ we can eat, so let the Lord be thankit.”

Even more confused, and smiling even more broadly, the Queen moves on to the next patient who immediately begins to chant:
“My love is like a red, red rose that’s newly sprung in June;
My love is like the melody that’s sweetly played in tune.”

Now very confused, the Queen turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, “Is this a psychiatric ward?”

“No, Your Majesty,” replies the doctor. “This is the serious Burns unit."

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10-23-2019, 08:08 AM - 5 Likes	#1606
jack002 Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: Missouri Photos: Albums Posts: 727	Originally posted by bigdavephoto All of these puns are getting my goat. We're only KIDDING ---------- Post added 10-23-19 at 08:25 AM ---------- What did the dermatologist say to his itchy patient? You are a sight for psoriasis

10-23-2019, 09:02 AM - 7 Likes	#1607
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	I heard a report about a bad outbreak of the tummy bug, apparently 9 out of 10 people there suffered from diarrhea. I can’t stop thinking about that tenth person who apparently enjoyed it.

10-23-2019, 09:03 AM - 4 Likes	#1608
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	Policeman: I'm very sorry, sir, but it looks like your wife got hit by a bus. Man: I’m aware of that, but Karen has a wonderful personality.

10-23-2019, 09:10 AM - 7 Likes	#1609
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	Wife calls her mother: "Today I fought so much with my husband. I am coming to live with you again. Mother: No. He should pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.

10-23-2019, 09:16 AM - 6 Likes	#1610
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	OK, I'll quit after this one, I promise. Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t appear to be breathing, his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Please stay calm. I will help you. First of all, let's make sure he's dead." There’s a silence, then a gun shot. The guy gets back on the phone and says "OK, now what?"

10-23-2019, 09:54 AM - 3 Likes	#1611
torashi Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Medellín Posts: 1,322

10-23-2019, 09:56 AM - 4 Likes	#1612
torashi Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Medellín Posts: 1,322	• What's the cheapest type of meat? • Deer balls. They're under a buck.

10-23-2019, 10:01 AM - 5 Likes	#1613
torashi Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Medellín Posts: 1,322	A deer hunter got on his hands and knees to take a closer look at some tracks. That's when he got hit by the train.

10-23-2019, 10:08 AM - 4 Likes	#1614
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	A husband and wife are eating dinner at a nice restaurant when she drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white blouse. She exclaims: "I'm such a pig!" Husband says: "Yes, and you also have some tomato sauce on your top."

10-23-2019, 12:31 PM - 4 Likes	#1615
jack002 Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: Missouri Photos: Albums Posts: 727	Originally posted by robtcorl A husband and wife are eating dinner at a nice restaurant when she drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white blouse. She exclaims: "I'm such a pig!" Husband says: "Yes, and you also have some tomato sauce on your top." He seemed to vanish mysteriously after that

10-23-2019, 05:42 PM - 11 Likes	#1616
torashi Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Medellín Posts: 1,322	My wife asked me if she was the only one I've ever been with. I said yes, the other ones were all nines and tens. Please send help. I'm in the basement and she's almost chopped her way through the door!

10-23-2019, 10:23 PM - 2 Likes	#1617
timb64 Pentaxian Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: /Situation : Doing my best to avoid idiots! Photos: Gallery Posts: 9,514	My wife asked me for a match.I replied Your face,my ass!

10-24-2019, 07:07 AM - 5 Likes	#1618
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	All these jokes about women need countering. Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what? Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it? Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?

10-24-2019, 08:32 AM - 4 Likes	#1619
jack002 Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: Missouri Photos: Albums Posts: 727	I like making geographical puns, but I'd never make a Korea out of it

10-24-2019, 06:45 PM - 7 Likes	#1620
MarkJerling Moderator Site Supporter Join Date: May 2012 Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 20,423	Queen Elizabeth is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. She enters a ward full of patients, and notices that they’re all dressed in street clothes and have no obvious sign of injury or illness. The Queen approaches a patient and greets him. The patient replies: “My heart’s in the Highlands, my heart is not here, My heart’s in the Highlands, a-chasing the deer.” The Queen is confused, but smiles and moves on to greet the next patient. The patient responds: “Some hae meat an’ canna eat, And some wad eat tha’ want it, But we hae meat an’ we can eat, so let the Lord be thankit.” Even more confused, and smiling even more broadly, the Queen moves on to the next patient who immediately begins to chant: “My love is like a red, red rose that’s newly sprung in June; My love is like the melody that’s sweetly played in tune.” Now very confused, the Queen turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, “Is this a psychiatric ward?” “No, Your Majesty,” replies the doctor. “This is the serious Burns unit."

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