The Joke Thread

35mmfilmfan · 11-29-2019, 01:49 PM

Preserve Wildlife -

Pickle a polecat today

**ehrwien** · 11-29-2019, 03:37 PM - **2 Likes**

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!

bertwert · 11-29-2019, 04:23 PM - **2 Likes**

Why are garden shears so advanced?

They're cutting 'edge technology.

Racer X 69 · 11-29-2019, 06:08 PM

Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan

Preserve Wildlife -

Pickle a polecat today

Preserve wildlife.

Throw a party.

torashi · 11-29-2019, 06:15 PM - **4 Likes**

The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

torashi · 11-29-2019, 06:24 PM - **1 Like**

A panda walks into a cáfe.
He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and unloads it into the ceiling.

“Why?”, asks the confused waiter as the panda starts leaving. He tosses a wildlife manual over his shoulder.

“I’m a panda,” he says at the door, “look it up.”

The waiter flips to the page about pandas, and it says: “Panda. Large black and white bear-like animal native to China. Eats, Shoots, and leaves”.

torashi · 11-29-2019, 06:31 PM - **4 Likes**

eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.

torashi · 11-30-2019, 07:23 AM - **2 Likes**

Taxes are essentially just a yearly subscription to the country you live in.
Childhood's the free trial…

bertwert · 11-30-2019, 07:57 AM - **3 Likes**

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce unionized.

robtcorl · 11-30-2019, 01:42 PM - **2 Likes**

Helium balloon business reaches new heights after customers speak highly of it.

robtcorl · 11-30-2019, 01:47 PM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by bertwert

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

I had to give up my job as a plumber. It was just too draining.

robtcorl · 11-30-2019, 01:50 PM - **4 Likes**

Buying a new toilet was a big expense for me, so I decided to sit on it for a while.

bigdavephoto · 11-30-2019, 03:37 PM

I have been thinking, for awhile now, about my life. The more I think about it, I feel if I would write it down, it would be as good as a Greek drama.

robtcorl · 11-30-2019, 04:52 PM - **2 Likes**

There’s that moment when you put a steak on the grill and your mouth waters from the amazing smell.
Do vegans feel the same when they mow the grass?

**ehrwien** · 11-30-2019, 06:49 PM

Originally posted by bigdavephoto

I have been thinking, for awhile now, about my life. The more I think about it, I feel if I would write it down, it would be as good as a Greek drama.

Everybody dies in the end?

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11-29-2019, 01:49 PM	#1786
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,329	Preserve Wildlife - Pickle a polecat today

11-29-2019, 03:37 PM - 2 Likes	#1787
ehrwien Site Supporter Join Date: May 2016 Posts: 2,782	What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!

11-29-2019, 04:23 PM - 2 Likes	#1788
bertwert Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Golden, BC Posts: 15,173 Original Poster	Why are garden shears so advanced? They're cutting 'edge technology.

11-29-2019, 06:08 PM	#1789
Racer X 69 Moderator Man With A Camera Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: The Great Pacific Northwet, in the Land Between Canada and Mexico Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 28,067	Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan Preserve Wildlife - Pickle a polecat today Preserve wildlife. Throw a party.

11-29-2019, 06:15 PM - 4 Likes	#1790
torashi Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Medellín Posts: 1,322	The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.

11-29-2019, 06:24 PM - 1 Like	#1791
torashi Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Medellín Posts: 1,322	A panda walks into a cáfe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and unloads it into the ceiling. “Why?”, asks the confused waiter as the panda starts leaving. He tosses a wildlife manual over his shoulder. “I’m a panda,” he says at the door, “look it up.” The waiter flips to the page about pandas, and it says: “Panda. Large black and white bear-like animal native to China. Eats, Shoots, and leaves”.

11-29-2019, 06:31 PM - 4 Likes	#1792
torashi Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Medellín Posts: 1,322	eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.

11-30-2019, 07:23 AM - 2 Likes	#1793
torashi Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Medellín Posts: 1,322	Taxes are essentially just a yearly subscription to the country you live in. Childhood's the free trial…

11-30-2019, 07:57 AM - 3 Likes	#1794
bertwert Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Golden, BC Posts: 15,173 Original Poster	How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized.

11-30-2019, 01:42 PM - 2 Likes	#1795
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	Helium balloon business reaches new heights after customers speak highly of it.

11-30-2019, 01:47 PM - 1 Like	#1796
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	Originally posted by bertwert How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? I had to give up my job as a plumber. It was just too draining.

11-30-2019, 01:50 PM - 4 Likes	#1797
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	Buying a new toilet was a big expense for me, so I decided to sit on it for a while.

11-30-2019, 03:37 PM	#1798
bigdavephoto Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: East central Indiana Photos: Gallery Posts: 893	I have been thinking, for awhile now, about my life. The more I think about it, I feel if I would write it down, it would be as good as a Greek drama.

11-30-2019, 04:52 PM - 2 Likes	#1799
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	There’s that moment when you put a steak on the grill and your mouth waters from the amazing smell. Do vegans feel the same when they mow the grass?

11-30-2019, 06:49 PM	#1800
ehrwien Site Supporter Join Date: May 2016 Posts: 2,782	Originally posted by bigdavephoto I have been thinking, for awhile now, about my life. The more I think about it, I feel if I would write it down, it would be as good as a Greek drama. Everybody dies in the end?