[timb64]

Why doesn’t Father Christmas smoke?

Because it’s bad for his elf.

[jack002]

Santa has many elf help programs

[torashi]

What do you get if you baste Roast Pork with (read carefully) Duck Fat ?



Quackling

As a dyslexic, I read that out loud.

[bertwert]

What do you call an upset German?

A sour kraut.

[torashi]

[Liney]

What do you get if you baste Roast Pork with (read carefully) Duck Fat ?



Quackling

Slight aside, I was in a meeting at work many years ago, and my colleague sat beside me had to leave for another engagement. The topic of the meeting was not widely accepted and there had been some tense discussion before hand, so when he stood up and left the chair of the meeting asked "where is X going"?

Me being in the mood for a little mischief replied "He said something about a culinary quest with a scipidae connection". The chair looked somewhat quizicaly so I clarified "actually he said something about duck fat and left, I may have misheard him though".

The meeting broke shortly afterwards and my colleague was requested to have a meeting with the chairman as a priority....

[Tonytee]

Have you been at the Xmas crackers early,Torashi?

Yes, also known as; Alice B. Toklas Cookies. )

TT

[timb64]

Yes, also known as; Alice B. Toklas Cookies. )

TT

Had to google them,they sound good

[jack002]

[robtcorl]

A lady walks into Tiffany's. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she inadvertently breaks wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her.
Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?'

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'
He answers, 'Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to s*** yourself when I tell you the price.'

[robtcorl]

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

[robtcorl]

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from Chicago last night.

[robtcorl]

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin and orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender says to him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America , the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together."
The bar tender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way.
He orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent....
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says,
"I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone is fine".
"It's me ......... I've quit drinking!"

[torashi]

Slight aside, I was in a meeting at work many years ago, and my colleague sat beside me had to leave for another engagement. The topic of the meeting was not widely accepted and there had been some tense discussion before hand, so when he stood up and left the chair of the meeting asked "where is X going"?



Me being in the mood for a little mischief replied "He said something about a culinary quest with a scipidae connection". The chair looked somewhat quizicaly so I clarified "actually he said something about duck fat and left, I may have misheard him though".



The meeting broke shortly afterwards and my colleague was requested to have a meeting with the chairman as a priority....

"scipidae"
What?

[torashi]

Had to google them,they sound good

Me, too. But they make you extremely hungry.