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12-10-2019, 08:50 PM - 2 Likes   #1891
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Come and get your hay bales, they're under a buck!
https://cloud.tapatalk.com/s/5df067363dc08/SMO77q9.mp4

12-11-2019, 07:47 AM - 4 Likes   #1892
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I hope the guys and gals over at the Otis appreciation society can handle a touch of dark humour:

12-12-2019, 09:42 PM - 4 Likes   #1893
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What happens when you play a country song backwards?






The singer gets his wife, truck, and dog back.
12-12-2019, 09:51 PM - 3 Likes   #1894
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Here are some things to think about.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Is the little toe just a device for finding furniture in the dark?

Why do psychics have to ask for your name? And why has one not won the lottery?

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have the film.

Did Adam and Eve have navels?

12-12-2019, 10:17 PM - 2 Likes   #1895
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Things that will make a bad day worse.

Your wife says "Good morning Bill" and your name is Robert.

Your can horn goes off and gets stuck while you are following a group of Hell's Angels.

When you get to work, you find a 60 minutes team waiting for you.

The boss tells you to "Not worry about taking off your coat." (Actually had this happen to me. I didn't do anything wrong. Company decided to close the office I was working out of.)

You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.

Your twin forgot your birthday.
12-13-2019, 07:36 AM - 5 Likes   #1896
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12-13-2019, 07:41 AM - 5 Likes   #1897
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12-13-2019, 08:33 AM - 1 Like   #1898
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Have you heard that, if you played a Windows ME* CD backwards, you would get a satanic message?
What is truly frightening is that, if you play it normally, it would install Windows ME!

* the worst version I could think of. It wouldn't work with - say - Win7

12-13-2019, 12:18 PM   #1899
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Torashi - - - Clever! Can I place a pre-order?
12-13-2019, 12:27 PM - 1 Like   #1900
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QuoteOriginally posted by WPRESTO Quote
Torashi - - - Clever! Can I place a pre-order?
Me too. Are the buttons customizable?, can I change one to beef sandwiches?
12-13-2019, 12:31 PM - 3 Likes   #1901
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GIFT WRAPPING WITH THE HELP OF YOUR CAT

Clear large space on table for wrapping present.

Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut door.

Open door and remove cat from closet.

Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

Go back and remove cat from cupboard.

Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc...

Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.

Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit and collect string.

Remove present from bag.

Remove cat from bag.

Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.

Lay out paper to determine size to cut.

Try to smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.

Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.

Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the paper.

Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the present came in.

Place present on paper.

Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't reach. Realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat.

Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent sticky tape.

Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.

Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.

Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve ribbon.

Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.

Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's enthusiastic ribbon chase.

Repeat steps 13-20 until you reach last sheet of paper.

Decide to skip steps 13-17 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the right size for sheet of paper.

Put present in box, and tie down with string.

Remove string, open box and remove cat.

Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for a room with a lock.

Once inside locking room, lock door and start to relay out paper and materials.

Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and relock.

Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear cat from outside door)

Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small area of the toilet, but do your best)

Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper. Remember that you haven't got any left because cat helped with this last year as well.

Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to make torn sheet of paper look presentable.

Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst areas.

Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on completing a difficult job.

Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.

Spend 15 minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious conclusion.

Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.

Go to store and buy a gift bag.

May your days be merry and bright!
12-13-2019, 12:59 PM   #1902
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Why I have a dog /\/\/\/\!!
12-13-2019, 01:05 PM   #1903
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Yeah, I need this in my life. I could definitely use a camera that reminds me to take pee breaks!
12-13-2019, 04:54 PM   #1904
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Preorders are open. But there's a catch. You need to sign up as a crew member of the Enterprise and pass all the training. Oh, and there's a chance you might never see the earth and everything you know and love again.

12-13-2019, 04:55 PM - 2 Likes   #1905
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