[ivanvernon]

My wife is Asian and very indirect in her statements/requests. She would never say, you need to paint the kitchen. Instead, she would just remark how nice the Lee family's kitchen looks. If I then asked why it looks nice, she would mention that they have recently painted the kitchen. Some of you will be thinking, well just don't ask why the Lee kitchen looks nice. That does not work. She would then ask you if you noticed anything different about the Lee's kitchen. If you say no, then she would mention that the kitchen was freshly painted. In other words, you will not avoid the subject, but you can make it into a longer conversation if that is what you would like to do! It will always be up to you to interpret all of this to mean that you need to paint our kitchen. However, the only way to bring a conclusion to what can become a quite long and protracted but indirect conversation is to paint the kitchen.

[timb64]

I've been with my other half over twenty five years and I jokingly(?) say there are only two things she doesn't like about me.........everything I say and everything I do!

[WPRESTO]

I advised my future son-in-law:
1) make sure she gets enough sleep;
2) make sure she gets enough to eat;
3) always say "Yes dear;"
4) learn when it's time to go out and work on the car.

[Parallax]

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man... and then my dog bit me. I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I bought a drink, I dropped a cyanide capsule in and was sitting here watching the poison dissolve; and then you showed up and drank it!

[Rupert]

My wife is Asian and very indirect in her statements/requests. She would never say, you need to paint the kitchen.

She is a diplomat!

Mrs Rupert: "The Lees' have a nice kitchen, freshly painted...just like ours will be when you get off your lazy butt and get 'er done!"
After 50+ years diplomacy is dead.

[SpecialK]

She is a diplomat!

Mrs Rupert: "The Lees' have a nice kitchen, freshly painted...just like ours will be when you get off your lazy butt and get 'er done!"
After 50+ years diplomacy is dead.

Tell her you were a plumber, not a painter?

[Rupert]

Tell her you were a plumber, not a painter?

She knows I am a famous painter.......one of my recent works of art....I sort of hate to degrade it here by posting it in a joke thread.....

[timb64]

She knows I am a famous painter.......one of my recent works of art....I sort of hate to degrade it here by posting it in a joke thread.....

As my dad would say,for a painter,you'd make a pretty good plumber!Can you paint us a squirrel,please?

[clackers]

She knows I am a famous painter.......one of my recent works of art....I sort of hate to degrade it here by posting it in a joke thread.....

Ah, a self-portrait, Rupert ... very good likeness, too!

[ivanvernon]

She knows I am a famous painter.......one of my recent works of art....I sort of hate to degrade it here by posting it in a joke thread.....

Thanks for all the comradely wit guys. I will keep everyone posted on the progress of the kitchen paint job. I am guessing it will be painted within one month, as there must be another entire round of discussion about the color and type of paint to be used.

[timb64]

Top jokes from this year's Edinburgh Festival according to the BBC(apologies for No.7!!)

[Rupert]

As my dad would say,for a painter,you'd make a pretty good plumber!Can you paint us a squirrel,please?

I'll do a squirrel someday....it just takes so much energy out of me when I paint that I don't do it often.

Ah, a self-portrait, Rupert ... very good likeness, too!

I'm not that good lookin'...but I do appreciate the compliment anyhow!

Regards!

[Parallax]

A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.
"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.
"Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and they carry on shopping.


A few aisles farther on, the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."

The husband is expected to be discharged from the hospital in a few days.

[Unregistered User 8]

A true story ( no really it is !! )

I shot @BigMackCam a PM regarding @bertwert, as he had not posted for a while recently, and I was enquiring as to whether he was OK. I explained to Mike that as bertwert is " in his 80's " that I was concerned about his lack of contact. Mike sent a PM back straight away ( confused ) that bertwert is a teenager away for the summer. I'm sure he thought that I needed a medication change !!!


My reasoning for bertwert's age goes like this.


1) @mee started a thread/poll about the age of the forum members.
2) bertwert replied saying that he was the only one in his age group listed. I checked, and the only age with 1 was 80+ age group.
3) bertwert called on @imp to join the thread and add his age. I checked back later to find 2 in the 80+ age group.
4) Ipso-facto, 2+2 =7.
5) I'm a dill !!!


So folks, any conclusions that seem to make sense and be perfectly reasonable, are probably wrong !!!

[timb64]

Pjv,had to laugh at 5) in your list,there's a term of insult I haven't heard for years.Is it still in common use in Australia or ,like me,did you grow up in the '70s?