Forgot Password
Pentax Camera Forums Home
 

Reply
Show Printable Version Search this Thread
02-05-2020, 01:33 PM - 1 Like   #2116
bxf
Pentaxian
bxf's Avatar

Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Lisbon area
Posts: 1,411
QuoteOriginally posted by bertwert Quote
Oh, alright, back on topic.

What do you call a vegetable smoking weed?

A baked potato.
Good save, bertwert.

02-05-2020, 03:00 PM - 2 Likes   #2117
Pentaxian




Join Date: Jan 2018
Photos: Gallery
Posts: 764
I thought Tubers were people posting pointless videos of interest only to vegetables ... oh, right.
02-05-2020, 03:29 PM - 1 Like   #2118
Moderator
Loyal Site Supporter
Parallax's Avatar

Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: South Dakota
Photos: Gallery
Posts: 16,292
QuoteOriginally posted by Parallax Quote
Didn't we used to have a joke thread somewhere?
Whatever happened to that?
Judging by the last several pages this thread is clearly mislabeled so maybe it is time to close it.
QuoteOriginally posted by Racer X 69 Quote
Arenít potatoes tubers?
QuoteOriginally posted by StiffLegged Quote
I thought Tubers were people posting pointless videos of interest only to vegetables ... oh, right.
Since my not so subtle hint failed, I'm going to close this for a couple of days.
02-06-2020, 04:38 PM - 6 Likes   #2119
Moderator
Site Supporter
Loyal Site Supporter
MarkJerling's Avatar

Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand
Photos: Gallery | Albums
Posts: 12,813
Two men go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment – the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.

The first day that they go fishing, they don’t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they are driving home they both feel quite depressed. One guy turns to the other and says: “Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?”

The other guy says: “Wow! Then it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”

02-06-2020, 04:39 PM - 8 Likes   #2120
Moderator
Site Supporter
Loyal Site Supporter
MarkJerling's Avatar

Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand
Photos: Gallery | Albums
Posts: 12,813
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down the main street.

“But, officer,” the man began, “I can explain!”

“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”

“But, officer, I just wanted to say…”

“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said: “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”

“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”
02-06-2020, 04:39 PM - 6 Likes   #2121
Moderator
Site Supporter
Loyal Site Supporter
MarkJerling's Avatar

Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand
Photos: Gallery | Albums
Posts: 12,813
Teacher: Tommy, why weren’t you at school yesterday?
Tommy: Well, my dad got burnt.
Teacher: Oh dear, I hope it wasn’t bad.
Tommy: They don’t mess about at that crematorium, Miss.


Teacher: Johnny, why weren’t you at school yesterday?
Johnny: I had to take the bull to the cows.
Teacher: Couldn’t your father have done that?
Johnny: Yes, Miss, but the bull does it better …
02-06-2020, 04:43 PM - 6 Likes   #2122
Moderator
Site Supporter
Loyal Site Supporter
MarkJerling's Avatar

Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand
Photos: Gallery | Albums
Posts: 12,813
My Dad warned people over and over that the Titanic was going to sink but would they listen ? No, they kept telling him to shut up.
Finally, they threw him out of the movie theater.
02-06-2020, 04:58 PM - 2 Likes   #2123
Senior Member




Join Date: Dec 2017
Photos: Gallery
Posts: 246
Two guys are camping in the bush.
While the were sleeping in their tent. All of a sudden one of them is bitten by a snake.
The bite was right in the guys privates.
His mate grabs a spade kills the snake puts it in a bag and goes of to hospital to get an antidote.

The snake is recognised as being extremely poisonous.
He gets the antidote. Before he leaves the doctors tell him to suck the wound to clear most of the poison.
Without cleaning of the wound the victim will die in 4-5 hours.

He returns to the wounded guy who is in a lot of pain.
"Did you get the antidote" Yes I did. "Will it help"
I am afraid not, you will be dead in a couple of hours.


Last edited by MarkJerling; 02-06-2020 at 05:30 PM. Reason: Minor cleanup.
02-06-2020, 08:54 PM - 9 Likes   #2124
Loyal Site Supporter
Loyal Site Supporter
clackers's Avatar

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Melbourne
Photos: Albums
Posts: 13,632
"My buddy says I'm getting fat, but in my defence, I've had a lot on my plate lately."
02-07-2020, 09:28 AM - 3 Likes   #2125
Pentaxian
robtcorl's Avatar

Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: St Louis, MO
Photos: Gallery
Posts: 9,536
QuoteOriginally posted by clackers Quote
"My buddy says I'm getting fat, but in my defence, I've had a lot on my plate lately."
Kind of like Pig, eh?

02-07-2020, 04:26 PM   #2126
Senior Member




Join Date: Dec 2017
Photos: Gallery
Posts: 246
Sorry guys, no more jokes??
02-07-2020, 04:27 PM - 5 Likes   #2127
bxf
Pentaxian
bxf's Avatar

Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Lisbon area
Posts: 1,411
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he's smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than an sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration.

The lawyer asks, "What for?" The sheriff responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming." "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," say the sheriff impatiently.

The lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." The sheriff says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle."

The lawyer steps out, and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. Then the sheriff says, "Now, do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
02-07-2020, 04:58 PM - 1 Like   #2128
Senior Member




Join Date: Dec 2017
Photos: Gallery
Posts: 246
Speeding?

A driver is given a stop sign for speeding.
Officer "you did 38mph in a 30 mph area.
Driver sorry officer, i passed two signs each stating 30 mph.
"So you deliberately ignored the speed limit"
No sir two signs reading 30 means I can do 60. The add up.
02-07-2020, 05:30 PM - 3 Likes   #2129
Site Supporter
Site Supporter




Join Date: May 2013
Location: Hertfordshire, England
Posts: 554
Old bloke in pharmacy: 'Tell me, does that Viagra stuff work?'
Pharmacist: 'Yes Sir - it's very effective.'
Bloke: 'Would I be able to get it over the counter?'
Pharmacist: 'Probably Sir, if you take two tablets.'
02-07-2020, 06:28 PM - 4 Likes   #2130
Pentaxian
Liney's Avatar

Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 836
QuoteOriginally posted by Fluegel Quote
Speeding?

A driver is given a stop sign for speeding.
Officer "you did 38mph in a 30 mph area.
Driver sorry officer, i passed two signs each stating 30 mph.
"So you deliberately ignored the speed limit"
No sir two signs reading 30 means I can do 60. The add up.
On that subject, we used to have a couple of aircraft towing tractors for shifting aircraft around. One day the local military police got a radar gun to play with, and pulled over one of our techies for allegedly doing more than 25 mph on the road that ran around the runway. On the day of the charge the techie was asked if he wanted to call any witnesses, to which he replied that he wanted to call the officer in charge of all the mechanical transport on the station (and by default in charge of the tractors}. Said officer was duly called, and was asked what the top speed of the tractors was. The officer replied it was 20 mph as the engine was fitted with a governor.

Case was dismissed, the military police were told not to tell porky pies about speeding when it was not feasible, and after everyone had left the techies shift boss was quietly told to make sure all the engine governors were fitted back onto the tractors......
Reply

Bookmarks
  • Submit Thread to Facebook Facebook
  • Submit Thread to Twitter Twitter
  • Submit Thread to Digg Digg
Tags - Make this thread easier to find by adding keywords to it!
antonio, baby, church, coffin, community, course, crowd, dad, doctor, drop, friend, front, god, hands, house, jeff, joker, land, mouth, navy, notice, poland, post, redneck, son, spade, sun, window, woman, world
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Where is the annual Pentax FF April fool joke? LFLee Pentax Full Frame 27 04-04-2014 03:48 AM
Misc Batman : The Killing Joke 6BQ5 Post Your Photos! 7 02-24-2014 01:58 PM
Joke Thread! Gooshin General Talk 327 10-23-2012 08:59 PM
Political Joke Thread Parallax General Talk 42 04-20-2012 06:42 AM



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:42 AM. | See also: NikonForums.com, CanonForums.com part of our network of photo forums!
  • Red (Default)
  • Green
  • Gray
  • Dark
  • Dark Yellow
  • Dark Blue
  • Old Red
  • Old Green
  • Old Gray
  • Dial-Up Style
Hello! It's great to see you back on the forum! Have you considered joining the community?
register
Creating a FREE ACCOUNT takes under a minute, removes ads, and lets you post! [Dismiss]
Top