[Racer X 69]

OK, I better get back in the topic, eh?

A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”

“Why?”

“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”

[lesmore49]

About stats.

I recall reading many years ago that in the USA during the height of WW2...the highest percentage of people in hospitals were young women in their 20's and 30's. There was a meeting where doctors were puzzling over these stats and trying to figure out why this was, most of the docs figured there must be something wrong with the way the stats were determined. A young woman nurse happened to come in to the room where the meeting was taking place and overheard some of the conversation that the baffled docs were having. She spoke up ...and said...more young women were in hospital for the very good reason that young women get pregnant...and male soldiers don't .

The docs discussing the matter happened to be all male and I'm sure it was an ...aha moment...for them.

[WPRESTO]

My marriage to Mrs. Racer 1.0 ended in divorce after three and a half years.

My current partner, whom I refer to as Mrs. Racer 2.0 (although we have never married) was married twice, to the father of her children, for four years, and her second husband for twenty years.

We have succeeded in maintaining a great union without divorcing for nearly twenty four years.

Proof that the best way to avoid divorce is to never marry.

The dynamics in a marriage are not foreseeable, not to be understood, impossible to explain to an outsider. Sometimes people get it right. M and I just passed 51 and are looking forward to reaching 75. Well, no hurry.

[Racer X 69]

The dynamics in a marriage are not foreseeable, not to be understood, impossible to explain to an outsider. Sometimes people get it right. M and I just passed 51 and are looking forward to reaching 75. Well, no hurry.

My mother's parents married at 18, and followed the vows, 'till death do you part. If I recall correctly my grandmother was in her late 70's when she passed away, grandpa was in his 80's when he joined her.

[Racer X 69]

And now, another one:

A man placed an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."

The next day he received a hundred replies to his ad.

They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

[Racer X 69]

One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants.

The man says “Oh just a beer”.

The bartender asked the man “Whats wrong,why are you so down today?”.

The man said “My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she wouldn't talk to me for a month”.

The bartender said “So whats wrong with that”?

The man said “Well the month is up tonight”.

[dipo 1]

I use this quite often espcially if I don't know the person.

Attached Images

 

[Racer X 69]

A guy stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity:
looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed.

Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the damn ball!"

The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Forget it, man," says his partner. "You'll never hit her from here."

[Racer X 69]

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

[Racer X 69]

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says,“I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your
mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!”
She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm
calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Sorted! They're coming for Christmas, and they're paying their own way."

[Racer X 69]

A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?"

The husband said, "No sweetie."

The woman said, "I'm sure you would."

So the man said, "Okay, I would"

Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"

And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so."

Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"

And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed."

[Racer X 69]

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."

He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"

[Racer X 69]

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

“You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant.

“No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”

[Racer X 69]

A little boy asks, "Dad, I’ve heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her."

"Son," replies the dad. "That happens everywhere."

[bigdavephoto]

What's the difference between life and a wife?
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Life S**ks.