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04-09-2020, 08:49 AM - 1 Like   #2476
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Now that almost everyone is wearing a mask, how will we tell the good guys from the bad?

04-09-2020, 01:26 PM - 11 Likes   #2477
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I told my wife I wanted to be cremated.
She made me an appointment for Tuesday.

I asked my wife what she'd do if we won the lottery.
She said "I'd take half and leave".
I said "Great. I just won $20.00". I handed her a ten and said "Stay in touch".

Last edited by Parallax; 04-09-2020 at 01:32 PM.
04-09-2020, 03:59 PM - 2 Likes   #2478
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Heard on the local radio today...a mother homeschooling her kid during the pandemic ...apparently said " I think after a week of home schooling it's time to move my child to another class."
04-10-2020, 12:47 AM - 1 Like   #2479
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Best joke that I have seen so far today ... but the day is still young.

Home photography ideas: How to take great photos of hamsters | Digital Camera World

04-10-2020, 12:49 AM - 2 Likes   #2480
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Just FYI ... in case you missed this one.

Uranus released an enormous bubble into space
04-10-2020, 04:07 AM - 1 Like   #2481
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A local cafe changed the menu item 'Ham Stir Fry' to 'Stir-fried Ham', after complaints.
04-10-2020, 09:18 AM   #2482
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What was H. P. Lovecraft's favourite drink ?




Gin and Miskatonic.

04-10-2020, 02:13 PM - 3 Likes   #2483
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QuoteOriginally posted by Jean Poitiers Quote
Just FYI ... in case you missed this one.

Uranus released an enormous bubble into space
No big deal, mine does it often.
04-10-2020, 02:20 PM - 8 Likes   #2484
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......................
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04-10-2020, 02:23 PM   #2485
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QuoteOriginally posted by bxf Quote
No big deal, mine does it often.
It's the projectile Dark Matter that causes havoc within the sphere of influence, I have found.
04-10-2020, 02:30 PM - 10 Likes   #2486
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St. Peter and the devil apply a scheme to sought out any mistakes made with people who died.
Sometimes St. Peter finds an applicant is not to enter heaven but has to go to hell.
A similar situation occurs at the entrance of hell.

Once in a while St. Peter and the devil hire a Learjet to transport these people.
The costs are running up. The devil comes with a clever idea. "Why not build a bridge between heaven and hell"
Modern construction systems allow to start at each side and meet half way.
St. Peter agrees, it is an excellent idea.

Construction in hell side starts pretty soon. At the side of heaven no activity.
The part from hell is nearly half way. Still no sign of anything happening at the other side.
The devil calls St. Peter and asks what the problem is.
St, Peter answers. Sorry, we can not find one building contractor in heaven.
04-10-2020, 02:40 PM - 10 Likes   #2487
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My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.
04-10-2020, 06:56 PM - 1 Like   #2488
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@bxf ( thanks ) noticed this joke I posted waaaaay back in 2016.
Its been 4 years now, so the " Statute Of Limitations " of posting it again must have passed by now.


Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.

They should both be changed regularly,...................... and for the same reason.
04-11-2020, 01:57 AM - 5 Likes   #2489
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If you go outside in France, you have to have your self-signed permission slip ... really.

And police control of your papers are often, like here ... another FB steal.


Last edited by Jean Poitiers; 04-11-2020 at 02:05 AM. Reason: This is an Italian cop, I think ...
04-11-2020, 02:01 AM - 1 Like   #2490
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QuoteOriginally posted by bxf Quote
No big deal, mine does it often.
Well, it was "U" who I was referring to ...
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