The Joke Thread

gifthorse · 05-08-2020, 06:49 AM - **6 Likes**

My wife tells people that I'm just like Rodney Dangerfield, except that Rodney was rich, funny and better looking....

jeallen01 · 05-08-2020, 07:19 AM

Originally posted by gifthorse

My wife tells people that I'm just like Rodney Dangerfield, except that Rodney was rich, funny and better looking....

For the uninitiated amongst us (and that probably includes most members "on the East side of the Pond"!), who the hell is Rodney Dangerfield?????

Parallax · 05-08-2020, 07:21 AM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by jeallen01

For the uninitiated amongst us (and that probably includes most members "on the East side of the Pond"!), who the hell is Rodney Dangerfield?????

American version of Benny Hill.

**c.a.m** · 05-08-2020, 07:27 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by jeallen01

For the uninitiated amongst us (and that probably includes most members "on the East side of the Pond"!), who the hell is Rodney Dangerfield?????

Like many comedians, his humour did not appeal to everybody, but he was popular, in North America at least.

Wikipedia:

Rodney Dangerfield - Wikipedia

You Tube

**WPRESTO** · 05-08-2020, 08:02 AM

Originally posted by c.a.m

Like many comedians, his humor did not appeal to everybody, but he was popular, in North America at least.

Humor, unlike music, does not cross national boundaries easily. I remember reading a comment by Prince Charles on a remark made by George I that showed he had a fine sense of humor. I read George's "witticism" time after time, and it failed to elicit the tiniest grin much less a snicker.

Drier than the Sahara.

normhead · 05-08-2020, 08:21 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by c.a.m

Like many comedians, his humour did not appeal to everybody, but he was popular, in North America at least.

Wikipedia:

Rodney Dangerfield - Wikipedia

Rodney Dangerfield Almost Makes Carson Fall Out of His Chair Laughing - YouTube

It took me years to appreciate Dangerfield... but like many, I came around over time.

timb64 · 05-08-2020, 08:43 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by WPRESTO

Humor, unlike music, does not cross national boundaries easily. I remember reading a comment by Prince Charles on a remark made by George I that showed he had a fine sense of humor. I read George's "witticism" time after time, and it failed to elicit the tiniest grin much less a snicker.

Drier than the Sahara.

I don’t think national boundaries have anything to do with understanding Charlie boy’s sense of humour.He is regarded amongst many in the UK as a somewhat strange person,some would say on a different planet!

lesmore49 · 05-08-2020, 11:22 AM - **2 Likes**

I saw Rodney Dangerfield at a show in Winnipeg. He was good, timing , delivery, jokes. But this show also featured as the opening act...Jim Carrey. If I recall correctly Dangerfield introduced Carrey as someone new to show business and Carrey was pretty good...doing impressions as I recollect.

Jim Carrey for those east of the pond is a Canadian who did well in stand up comedy and later movies. He is based in the states.

---------- Post added 05-08-20 at 01:31 PM ----------

Originally posted by Parallax

American version of Benny Hill.

Benny Hill, I remember him well from his British TV show and enjoyed his work.

In the mid '80's my wife and I were visiting London and traveling one evening between Horley, England and London. The train conductor looked exactly like Benny Hill, could of been his twin. In fact he capitalized on his looks and entertained a few of the passengers, ourselves included....expertly mimicking Benny's sly looks which were often employed in Hill's comedy routines.

The conductor's impressions of Hill began and stopped at expressions.... fortunately he didn't chase any women around , as Hill did in many of his comedy routines.

---------- Post added 05-08-20 at 01:37 PM ----------

Originally posted by gifthorse

My wife tells people that I'm just like Rodney Dangerfield, except that Rodney was rich, funny and better looking....

I recall reading a newspaper article about actor Clint Eastwood. In the article aside from reviewing his movie career .also listed his physical dimensions.....height, weight, chest size, waist size.

I read out Eastwood's dimensions as listed in the article and said to my wife...gee, Clint and I are about the same height, however my chest size is the same as his waist size, and my waist size is similar to his chest size.

My wife responded...yeah......I know.

Parallax · 05-08-2020, 12:56 PM - **6 Likes**

.................

SpecialK · 05-08-2020, 02:00 PM - **5 Likes**

Rodney Dangerfield said he and his wife gave up smoking, except for after sex. He was on the same pack since 1975 but his wife was up to 3 packs a day.

Parallax · 05-08-2020, 02:13 PM - **6 Likes**

Ole was on his death bed.
He said to his wife Lena: Tell me, Lena, I haf tuh know. Haf you ever cheated on me?
Lena took a small box from under the bed and gave it to Ole. "Here, Ole, dis vil tell you da whole story."
Ole opened the box and there 2 kernels of corn and 87 dollars.
Lena said "every time I was unfaithful I put a kernel uf corn in dat box".
Ole thought to himself that during 40 years of marriage twice wasn't so bad since he was no saint himself.
He said "Okay Lena, I understand, but vat about da 87 dollars?"
Lena said "Vel, every time I collected a bushel I sold it."

Parallax · 05-08-2020, 06:58 PM - **14 Likes**

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa."

The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died.

The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy, and good-bye grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.

"Oh, my gosh", thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: "God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch."

lesmore49 · 05-09-2020, 03:19 PM - **6 Likes**

American comedian W.C. Fields lived quite a wild life. He also liked to imbibe , perhaps sometimes a bit too much. At the end of his life, he wasn't too well and knew the end was coming. He started to worry about what his fate would be after he passed on.

The story goes that one day a friend of his dropped by to visit with him and when he came to Fields' room, saw W.C. sitting in a chair in the middle of his room, flipping through the pages of a bible.

Knowing that Fields had not been religious in his life, he asked him why he was reading the bible.

W.C. replied....... " Just looking for loopholes...just looking for loopholes. "

robtcorl · 05-09-2020, 04:15 PM - **4 Likes**

Originally posted by lesmore49

He also liked to imbibe , perhaps sometimes a bit too much.

One of his quotes:
“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore, always carry a small snake.”

MarkJerling · 05-10-2020, 03:37 PM

Originally posted by Parallax

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa."

The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died.

The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy, and good-bye grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.

"Oh, my gosh", thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: "God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch."

Brilliant!

05-08-2020, 12:56 PM - 6 Likes	#2604
Parallax Senior Moderator Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Dakota Photos: Gallery Posts: 19,332	................. Attached Images

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05-08-2020, 06:49 AM - 6 Likes	#2596
gifthorse Pentaxian Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Nevada Photos: Gallery Posts: 2,945	My wife tells people that I'm just like Rodney Dangerfield, except that Rodney was rich, funny and better looking....

05-08-2020, 07:19 AM	#2597
jeallen01 Pentaxian Join Date: May 2008 Location: London, UK Posts: 1,697	Originally posted by gifthorse My wife tells people that I'm just like Rodney Dangerfield, except that Rodney was rich, funny and better looking.... For the uninitiated amongst us (and that probably includes most members "on the East side of the Pond"!), who the hell is Rodney Dangerfield?????

05-08-2020, 07:21 AM - 2 Likes	#2598
Parallax Senior Moderator Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Dakota Photos: Gallery Posts: 19,332	Originally posted by jeallen01 For the uninitiated amongst us (and that probably includes most members "on the East side of the Pond"!), who the hell is Rodney Dangerfield????? American version of Benny Hill.

05-08-2020, 08:02 AM	#2600
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,137	Originally posted by c.a.m Like many comedians, his humor did not appeal to everybody, but he was popular, in North America at least. Humor, unlike music, does not cross national boundaries easily. I remember reading a comment by Prince Charles on a remark made by George I that showed he had a fine sense of humor. I read George's "witticism" time after time, and it failed to elicit the tiniest grin much less a snicker. Drier than the Sahara.

05-08-2020, 08:21 AM - 1 Like	#2601
normhead Pentaxian Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Near Algonquin Park Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 40,451	Originally posted by c.a.m Like many comedians, his humour did not appeal to everybody, but he was popular, in North America at least. Wikipedia: Rodney Dangerfield - Wikipedia Rodney Dangerfield Almost Makes Carson Fall Out of His Chair Laughing - YouTube It took me years to appreciate Dangerfield... but like many, I came around over time.

05-08-2020, 08:43 AM - 1 Like	#2602
timb64 Pentaxian Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: /Situation : Doing my best to avoid idiots! Photos: Gallery Posts: 9,514	Originally posted by WPRESTO Humor, unlike music, does not cross national boundaries easily. I remember reading a comment by Prince Charles on a remark made by George I that showed he had a fine sense of humor. I read George's "witticism" time after time, and it failed to elicit the tiniest grin much less a snicker. Drier than the Sahara. I don’t think national boundaries have anything to do with understanding Charlie boy’s sense of humour.He is regarded amongst many in the UK as a somewhat strange person,some would say on a different planet!

05-08-2020, 11:22 AM - 2 Likes	#2603
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,349	I saw Rodney Dangerfield at a show in Winnipeg. He was good, timing , delivery, jokes. But this show also featured as the opening act...Jim Carrey. If I recall correctly Dangerfield introduced Carrey as someone new to show business and Carrey was pretty good...doing impressions as I recollect. Jim Carrey for those east of the pond is a Canadian who did well in stand up comedy and later movies. He is based in the states. ---------- Post added 05-08-20 at 01:31 PM ---------- Originally posted by Parallax American version of Benny Hill. Benny Hill, I remember him well from his British TV show and enjoyed his work. In the mid '80's my wife and I were visiting London and traveling one evening between Horley, England and London. The train conductor looked exactly like Benny Hill, could of been his twin. In fact he capitalized on his looks and entertained a few of the passengers, ourselves included....expertly mimicking Benny's sly looks which were often employed in Hill's comedy routines. The conductor's impressions of Hill began and stopped at expressions.... fortunately he didn't chase any women around , as Hill did in many of his comedy routines. ---------- Post added 05-08-20 at 01:37 PM ---------- Originally posted by gifthorse My wife tells people that I'm just like Rodney Dangerfield, except that Rodney was rich, funny and better looking.... I recall reading a newspaper article about actor Clint Eastwood. In the article aside from reviewing his movie career .also listed his physical dimensions.....height, weight, chest size, waist size. I read out Eastwood's dimensions as listed in the article and said to my wife...gee, Clint and I are about the same height, however my chest size is the same as his waist size, and my waist size is similar to his chest size. My wife responded...yeah......I know.

05-08-2020, 02:00 PM - 5 Likes	#2605
SpecialK Pentaxian Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: So California Photos: Gallery Posts: 16,481	Rodney Dangerfield said he and his wife gave up smoking, except for after sex. He was on the same pack since 1975 but his wife was up to 3 packs a day.

05-08-2020, 02:13 PM - 6 Likes	#2606
Parallax Senior Moderator Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Dakota Photos: Gallery Posts: 19,332	Ole was on his death bed. He said to his wife Lena: Tell me, Lena, I haf tuh know. Haf you ever cheated on me? Lena took a small box from under the bed and gave it to Ole. "Here, Ole, dis vil tell you da whole story." Ole opened the box and there 2 kernels of corn and 87 dollars. Lena said "every time I was unfaithful I put a kernel uf corn in dat box". Ole thought to himself that during 40 years of marriage twice wasn't so bad since he was no saint himself. He said "Okay Lena, I understand, but vat about da 87 dollars?" Lena said "Vel, every time I collected a bushel I sold it."

05-08-2020, 06:58 PM - 14 Likes	#2607
Parallax Senior Moderator Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Dakota Photos: Gallery Posts: 19,332	A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa." The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy, and good-bye grandma." The next day the grandmother died. "Oh, my gosh", thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side." Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: "God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy." He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life." She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch."

05-09-2020, 03:19 PM - 6 Likes	#2608
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,349	American comedian W.C. Fields lived quite a wild life. He also liked to imbibe , perhaps sometimes a bit too much. At the end of his life, he wasn't too well and knew the end was coming. He started to worry about what his fate would be after he passed on. The story goes that one day a friend of his dropped by to visit with him and when he came to Fields' room, saw W.C. sitting in a chair in the middle of his room, flipping through the pages of a bible. Knowing that Fields had not been religious in his life, he asked him why he was reading the bible. W.C. replied....... " Just looking for loopholes...just looking for loopholes. "

05-09-2020, 04:15 PM - 4 Likes	#2609
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	Originally posted by lesmore49 He also liked to imbibe , perhaps sometimes a bit too much. One of his quotes: “Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore, always carry a small snake.”

05-10-2020, 03:37 PM	#2610
MarkJerling Moderator Site Supporter Join Date: May 2012 Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 20,408	Originally posted by Parallax A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying, "God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa." The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?" The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy, and good-bye grandma." The next day the grandmother died. "Oh, my gosh", thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side." Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say: "God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy." He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?" He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life." She said, "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch." Brilliant!