The Joke Thread

normhead · 05-19-2020, 05:45 PM - **3 Likes**

Confucius say "Man who go to bed with itchy bum wake up with stinky finger."

timb64 · 05-19-2020, 10:29 PM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by SSGGeezer

What are we doing here again?

Who are you.........for that matter who am I again?

bxf · 05-20-2020, 04:10 AM - **4 Likes**

Honestly, if scammers toned it down a little, they could totally get me. Like, "You've won a million dollars"? Uh, obvious scam. However, "You've won a pizza"! Yes, here's my social security number!

**StiffLegged** · 05-20-2020, 05:57 AM - **7 Likes**

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went
nuts.

normhead · 05-20-2020, 06:56 AM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by StiffLegged

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went
nuts.

That's kinda like "If your phone doesn't ring, that will be me."

timb64 · 05-20-2020, 08:32 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by normhead

That's kinda like "If your phone doesn't ring, that will be me."

Kind of reminds me of this:

Youtu.be

lesmore49 · 05-20-2020, 10:20 AM - **3 Likes**

'I hope my phone call didn't wake you up ?'

'Nah...I had to get up to answer the phone anyway.'

lesmore49 · 05-20-2020, 02:36 PM - **4 Likes**

Another favourite comedian of mine, is Emo Phillips.

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. "

lesmore49 · 05-20-2020, 06:19 PM - **5 Likes**

"I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, "If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference."

Emo Phillips

**Tonytee** · 05-21-2020, 12:46 AM - **2 Likes**

WOW!! What a coincidence, I just received a letter from the IRS. They wanted to know where I got all the money to pay my taxes.

)

TT

35mmfilmfan · 05-21-2020, 04:06 AM

The last time we had an election here, the hopeful candidates all visited to attempt to persuade me to vote for them. I asked each of them 'Do you think failure should be rewarded or punished ?' They all replied 'Punished'. I then said that i would consider voting for any party that could prove a 100% error free administration for the previous four years, and politely closed the door.

**WPRESTO** · 05-21-2020, 04:49 AM - **3 Likes**

Dear IRS:

Your publication, sent annually, is colossally boring. It is chore to read and impossible to understand. The instructions were written by someone with less than a week's training in the English language. It is also outrageously expensive. I can longer tolerate spending so much money to get such an inferior document. Therefore, I am cancelling my subscription. If you continue to mail it, it will be returned unopened. Do not attempt to call me or a send salesman to my door. I have entered you on my "block caller" list and posted a "NO SOLICITORS" notice.

Insincerely:
Disgruntled Recipient

lesmore49 · 05-21-2020, 07:28 AM - **2 Likes**

A new federal, simplified income tax form has been recently announced in Canada. The purpose of the revised tax form is to make it easier for Canadians to figure out their yearly income taxes.

To that end, the new tax form has been reduced to two steps:

1) How much income did you make in the last Tax year ?

2) Send it in.

35mmfilmfan · 05-21-2020, 11:24 AM - **5 Likes**

I was born in 33. I was 45 in 78. is this a record ?

**sbh** · 05-21-2020, 01:04 PM - **2 Likes**

Zero is having a chat with Eight: "Nice belt..."

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05-19-2020, 05:45 PM - 3 Likes	#2671
normhead Pentaxian Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Near Algonquin Park Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 40,451	Confucius say "Man who go to bed with itchy bum wake up with stinky finger."

05-19-2020, 10:29 PM - 2 Likes	#2672
timb64 Pentaxian Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: /Situation : Doing my best to avoid idiots! Photos: Gallery Posts: 9,514	Originally posted by SSGGeezer What are we doing here again? Who are you.........for that matter who am I again?

05-20-2020, 04:10 AM - 4 Likes	#2673
bxf Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Lisbon area Posts: 1,660	Honestly, if scammers toned it down a little, they could totally get me. Like, "You've won a million dollars"? Uh, obvious scam. However, "You've won a pizza"! Yes, here's my social security number!

05-20-2020, 05:57 AM - 7 Likes	#2674
StiffLegged Site Supporter Join Date: Jan 2018 Photos: Gallery Posts: 4,635	Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

05-20-2020, 06:56 AM - 2 Likes	#2675
normhead Pentaxian Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Near Algonquin Park Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 40,451	Originally posted by StiffLegged Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. That's kinda like "If your phone doesn't ring, that will be me."

05-20-2020, 10:20 AM - 3 Likes	#2677
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,349	'I hope my phone call didn't wake you up ?' 'Nah...I had to get up to answer the phone anyway.'

05-20-2020, 02:36 PM - 4 Likes	#2678
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,349	Another favourite comedian of mine, is Emo Phillips. "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. "

05-20-2020, 06:19 PM - 5 Likes	#2679
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,349	"I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, "If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference." Emo Phillips

05-21-2020, 12:46 AM - 2 Likes	#2680
Tonytee Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Jul 2012 Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 21,510	WOW!! What a coincidence, I just received a letter from the IRS. They wanted to know where I got all the money to pay my taxes. ) TT

05-21-2020, 04:06 AM	#2681
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,338	The last time we had an election here, the hopeful candidates all visited to attempt to persuade me to vote for them. I asked each of them 'Do you think failure should be rewarded or punished ?' They all replied 'Punished'. I then said that i would consider voting for any party that could prove a 100% error free administration for the previous four years, and politely closed the door.

05-21-2020, 04:49 AM - 3 Likes	#2682
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,138	Dear IRS: Your publication, sent annually, is colossally boring. It is chore to read and impossible to understand. The instructions were written by someone with less than a week's training in the English language. It is also outrageously expensive. I can longer tolerate spending so much money to get such an inferior document. Therefore, I am cancelling my subscription. If you continue to mail it, it will be returned unopened. Do not attempt to call me or a send salesman to my door. I have entered you on my "block caller" list and posted a "NO SOLICITORS" notice. Insincerely: Disgruntled Recipient

05-21-2020, 07:28 AM - 2 Likes	#2683
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,349	A new federal, simplified income tax form has been recently announced in Canada. The purpose of the revised tax form is to make it easier for Canadians to figure out their yearly income taxes. To that end, the new tax form has been reduced to two steps: 1) How much income did you make in the last Tax year ? 2) Send it in.

05-21-2020, 11:24 AM - 5 Likes	#2684
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,338	I was born in 33. I was 45 in 78. is this a record ?

05-21-2020, 01:04 PM - 2 Likes	#2685
sbh Site Supporter Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: Black Forest, Germany Photos: Gallery Posts: 852	Zero is having a chat with Eight: "Nice belt..."