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06-08-2020, 01:22 PM - 3 Likes   #2761
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Medical abbreviations are a risky business, so these are from an earlier era.

FLK - funny looking kid
TEETH - tried everything else, try homeopathy
HIBGIA - had it before, got it again
TTGA - told to go away
ABITHAD - another blithering idiot thinks heís a doctor
CTD - circling the drain
FABIANS - felt awful but Iím all right now syndrome
GROLIES - Guardian reader of low intelligence in ethnic skirt
CNSQNS - central nervous system quantity not sufficient
UBI - unknown beer injury
ETKTM - every test known to man/medicine

06-08-2020, 01:31 PM - 3 Likes   #2762
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A few that we used "unofficially"

GOMER - Get Out of My ER
FTD - FIxin' to Die
DND - Damned Near Dead
06-08-2020, 04:47 PM - 9 Likes   #2763
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A young aspiring actor finally gets a speaking role. One line, but it's all his. The line is: "Methinks I hear a cannon." For weeks, he rehearses it. Trying it out in every possible way. Subtle changes of inflection. Changes in tempo and timing. On the subway, on the street, between taking orders at his restaurant day job, you'd hear him muttering, "Methinks I hear a CANnon!" "Me THINKs I hear .. a cannon?" "Methinks I hear..." and so on. Finally, the big night. The scene unfolds, and his moment is near. There's a loud boom offstage, and he says...."What the hell was that?"
06-08-2020, 05:37 PM   #2764
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QuoteOriginally posted by StiffLegged Quote
Medical abbreviations are a risky business, so these are from an earlier era.

FLK - funny looking kid
TEETH - tried everything else, try homeopathy
HIBGIA - had it before, got it again
TTGA - told to go away
ABITHAD - another blithering idiot thinks heís a doctor
CTD - circling the drain
FABIANS - felt awful but Iím all right now syndrome
GROLIES - Guardian reader of low intelligence in ethnic skirt
CNSQNS - central nervous system quantity not sufficient
UBI - unknown beer injury
ETKTM - every test known to man/medicine
Brilliant!

06-11-2020, 01:23 PM - 12 Likes   #2765
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My wife got mad at me for not buying her flowers.
Hell, I didn't even know she was selling flowers.
06-11-2020, 01:26 PM - 17 Likes   #2766
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A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first-class section of a
jet liner.

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her
nose, then visibly shuddered for ten or fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading.

A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose,
then shuddered quite violently once more. Assuming the woman might have a cold,
the man was still curious about the shuddering.

A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before, she took
a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman, and said,
"I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped you
nose, then shuddered violently. Are you okay?"

"Sorry if I disturbed you," the woman replied. "I have a very
rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I've never heard
of that condition before," he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"

"Yes," the woman nodded. "Pepper."
06-12-2020, 04:12 AM - 3 Likes   #2767
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I posted some, or perhaps all of these a long rime ago. They are prejudicial, so apologies in advance to any Pentaxians from the southeastern USA, sometimes called "Old DIxie."

Medical dictionary of the South (Part 1, too many to put in one post)

ARTERY = the study of paintings
BACTERIA = the rear entrance of a cafeteria
BARIUM - what doctors do when a patient dies
BOWEL = one of the letters such as A, E, I, O and U
CESAREAN SECTION = a neighborhood in Rome
CAT SCAN = searching for a lost kitty
COLIC = a kind of sheep dog
D & C = where the US government meets
DILATE = to live a long time
ENEMA = not a friend
FESTER = quicker
GENITAL = not Jewish
GI SERIES = baseball games for soldiers
HANGNAIL = a coat hook
LABOR PAIN = getting hurt at work

more in a later post, unless I get complaints about stereotypes.

Last edited by WPRESTO; 06-12-2020 at 07:13 PM.
06-12-2020, 09:41 AM - 13 Likes   #2768
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06-15-2020, 10:07 AM - 6 Likes   #2769
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Good one
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06-15-2020, 10:15 AM - 1 Like   #2770
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QuoteOriginally posted by DeepThrob Quote
Good one
Selfie.
06-15-2020, 08:56 PM - 11 Likes   #2771
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"Much of his life, Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot, which produced callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he often had bad breath.

Do you know what this made him? A super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis."
06-15-2020, 10:45 PM - 1 Like   #2772
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QuoteOriginally posted by clackers Quote
"much of his life, mahatma gandhi walked barefoot, which produced callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he often had bad breath.

Do you know what this made him? A super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis."
focroflmfao
06-17-2020, 12:26 AM - 7 Likes   #2773
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The Country Seat

Some years ago I worked in a large house in whose smallest room, framed and behind glass, was the following:-

They were built by emporia in the reign of Victoria
For castle, or manor or grange,
With their seats made of wood which have gamely withstood
Pressures greater than mere winds of change.

Boys with balls, bats or oars, sportsmen sporting twelve-bores
Gaze in rows from the walls at the sitter.
Draughts and chilly stone tiles mean todayís stately piles
Suffer badly from cold that is bitter.

But forget all the strain, pull the gleaming brass chain
(With a porcelain handle, no less)
And released by a piston from within a vast cistern
Comes a roar, and youíre flushed with success!
06-17-2020, 11:52 AM - 2 Likes   #2774
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Do trendy astronomers wear solar flares ?
06-17-2020, 04:42 PM - 3 Likes   #2775
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The English language is a strange one.
Asteroids can be seen in both hemispheres but hemorrhoids are seen in the, well, never mind.
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