The Joke Thread

Racer X 69 · 09-09-2020, 10:35 AM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by lesmore49

I've gone horseback riding about five times in my life....so I'm not an expert, I'm.

Every time I've ridden a horse I do believe the stable gives me a horse that hasn't been ridden before and they always seem to forget to cinch up the saddle tight,,,as a couple of times the saddle and me have slipped around to the underside of the horse...and that ain't pleasant.

If a horse doesn’t want to be ridden, it will inhale an make it’s belly swell up, making it impossible to cinch the belly strap up tight.

lesmore49 · 09-09-2020, 11:35 AM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by Racer X 69

If a horse doesn’t want to be ridden, it will inhale an make it’s belly swell up, making it impossible to cinch the belly strap up tight.

That's it !.

I guess when the horses see me approaching @ 6'3" + and from 230 to 245 lbs (throughout the years) they figure...I'm not going to carry that heavy load of $#@% around for an hour trail ride !

timb64 · 09-09-2020, 12:34 PM - **2 Likes**

Once on horseback for me,about thirty years ago whilst on holiday on a Greek island. I was invariably going up when the horse came down and vice versa,ouch!I told the Greek girl who was leading “When I start to talk in a high voice I’ve had enough!” I don’t think she really understood

bxf · 09-09-2020, 02:50 PM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by timb64

Once on horseback for me,about thirty years ago whilst on holiday on a Greek island...

I think you may have suffered a brain injury. I I'll bet it was a donkey, not a horse

lesmore49 · 09-09-2020, 08:39 PM - **2 Likes**

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a pint and a mop."

SharkyCA · 09-10-2020, 04:01 AM - **4 Likes**

Originally posted by StiffLegged

I thought there were I0 kinds of people — those who know binary numbers and those who don't.

There are also II types of people — those who read Roman numerals and those who don't.

There are 16 people about to put a hex on you FF!

lesmore49 · 09-11-2020, 11:12 AM - **5 Likes**

An elderly man had owned his large farm in Louisiana for many years.

Right at the back of the farm there was a large pond that was ideal for swimming. The old farmer had fixed it up real nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the farmer decides to go down to the pond, to look it over, as he hadn’t been down there for a while.

Before setting off, he grabs a five-gallon bucket as he decides he’ll bring back some fruit.

As he nears the pond, he can hear voices shouting and laughing with glee. Clearly someone is having a good time.

As the farmer gets closer, he can see a bunch of young women who are clearly skinny-dipping in his pond.

He makes the women aware of his presence and immediately they all swim over to the far end.

One of the women then shouts, “We’re not coming out until you leave mister!“

The farmer replies, “Ladies, I didn’t come down here to watch you swim naked or make you get out of the pond. You carry on.“

The wily old timer then holds up his bucket and says, “I just came down here to feed the alligators!“

**WPRESTO** · 09-11-2020, 03:02 PM - **3 Likes**

Originally posted by lesmore49

That's it !.

I guess when the horses see me approaching @ 6'3" + and from 230 to 245 lbs (throughout the years) they figure...I'm not going to carry that heavy load of $#@% around for an hour trail ride !

So there you stand, waiting for a horse to exhale.

35mmfilmfan · 09-12-2020, 04:22 AM - **2 Likes**

Never ridden a horse in my life, and never will. Not riding anything with no handlebars and no brakes.

Beside, I don't trust any creature with bigger teeth or 'equipment' than I have.

bxf · 09-12-2020, 07:31 AM - **6 Likes**

Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan

...I don't trust any creature with bigger teeth or 'equipment' than I have.

I guess that still leaves you with the option of ants

Racer X 69 · 09-12-2020, 08:22 AM

Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan

Never ridden a horse in my life, and never will. Not riding anything with no handlebars and no brakes.

Beside, I don't trust any creature with bigger teeth or 'equipment' than I have.

Horses have handlebars and brakes.

The reins.

You use them to guide and steer the animal, and when it is time to slow down or stop, you pull back on them and say “woah!”

And the brakes never need to be rebuilt.

Parallax · 09-12-2020, 12:05 PM - **10 Likes**

..............................

Racer X 69 · 09-12-2020, 12:13 PM - **4 Likes**

Originally posted by Parallax

..............................

They may say, “I forgive you honey, and I have forgotten everything.”

But.

They keep it in their back pocket.

Forever.

And forever is a very, very, very long time.

Just when you think it is over and done with, boom!

Out it comes.

Just like it was yesterday.

lesmore49 · 09-12-2020, 01:25 PM

Originally posted by WPRESTO

So there you stand, waiting for a horse to exhale.

If I only known what the horse was doing back then, I might of spent more time on the horse's back, rather then holding on for dear life underneath a variety of equines.

Odd thing was, my father had a horse and ex race horse from a local track. But that, was before my time.

lesmore49 · 09-12-2020, 03:17 PM - **2 Likes**

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

09-12-2020, 12:05 PM - 10 Likes	#3102
Parallax Senior Moderator Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Dakota Photos: Gallery Posts: 19,332	.............................. Attached Images

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09-09-2020, 10:35 AM - 2 Likes	#3091
Racer X 69 Moderator Man With A Camera Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: The Great Pacific Northwet, in the Land Between Canada and Mexico Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 28,067	Originally posted by lesmore49 I've gone horseback riding about five times in my life....so I'm not an expert, I'm. Every time I've ridden a horse I do believe the stable gives me a horse that hasn't been ridden before and they always seem to forget to cinch up the saddle tight,,,as a couple of times the saddle and me have slipped around to the underside of the horse...and that ain't pleasant. If a horse doesn’t want to be ridden, it will inhale an make it’s belly swell up, making it impossible to cinch the belly strap up tight.

09-09-2020, 11:35 AM - 2 Likes	#3092
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,342	Originally posted by Racer X 69 If a horse doesn’t want to be ridden, it will inhale an make it’s belly swell up, making it impossible to cinch the belly strap up tight. That's it !. I guess when the horses see me approaching @ 6'3" + and from 230 to 245 lbs (throughout the years) they figure...I'm not going to carry that heavy load of $#@% around for an hour trail ride !

09-09-2020, 12:34 PM - 2 Likes	#3093
timb64 Pentaxian Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: /Situation : Doing my best to avoid idiots! Photos: Gallery Posts: 9,510	Once on horseback for me,about thirty years ago whilst on holiday on a Greek island. I was invariably going up when the horse came down and vice versa,ouch!I told the Greek girl who was leading “When I start to talk in a high voice I’ve had enough!” I don’t think she really understood

09-09-2020, 02:50 PM - 2 Likes	#3094
bxf Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Lisbon area Posts: 1,660	Originally posted by timb64 Once on horseback for me,about thirty years ago whilst on holiday on a Greek island... I think you may have suffered a brain injury. I I'll bet it was a donkey, not a horse

09-09-2020, 08:39 PM - 2 Likes	#3095
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,342	A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a pint and a mop."

09-10-2020, 04:01 AM - 4 Likes	#3096
SharkyCA Pentaxian Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Carleton Place, Ontario, Canada Photos: Gallery Posts: 806	Originally posted by StiffLegged I thought there were I0 kinds of people — those who know binary numbers and those who don't. There are also II types of people — those who read Roman numerals and those who don't. There are 16 people about to put a hex on you FF!

09-11-2020, 11:12 AM - 5 Likes	#3097
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,342	An elderly man had owned his large farm in Louisiana for many years. Right at the back of the farm there was a large pond that was ideal for swimming. The old farmer had fixed it up real nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple and peach trees. One evening the farmer decides to go down to the pond, to look it over, as he hadn’t been down there for a while. Before setting off, he grabs a five-gallon bucket as he decides he’ll bring back some fruit. As he nears the pond, he can hear voices shouting and laughing with glee. Clearly someone is having a good time. As the farmer gets closer, he can see a bunch of young women who are clearly skinny-dipping in his pond. He makes the women aware of his presence and immediately they all swim over to the far end. One of the women then shouts, “We’re not coming out until you leave mister!“ The farmer replies, “Ladies, I didn’t come down here to watch you swim naked or make you get out of the pond. You carry on.“ The wily old timer then holds up his bucket and says, “I just came down here to feed the alligators!“

09-11-2020, 03:02 PM - 3 Likes	#3098
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,104	Originally posted by lesmore49 That's it !. I guess when the horses see me approaching @ 6'3" + and from 230 to 245 lbs (throughout the years) they figure...I'm not going to carry that heavy load of $#@% around for an hour trail ride ! So there you stand, waiting for a horse to exhale.

09-12-2020, 04:22 AM - 2 Likes	#3099
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,329	Never ridden a horse in my life, and never will. Not riding anything with no handlebars and no brakes. Beside, I don't trust any creature with bigger teeth or 'equipment' than I have.

09-12-2020, 07:31 AM - 6 Likes	#3100
bxf Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Lisbon area Posts: 1,660	Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan ...I don't trust any creature with bigger teeth or 'equipment' than I have. I guess that still leaves you with the option of ants

09-12-2020, 08:22 AM	#3101
Racer X 69 Moderator Man With A Camera Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: The Great Pacific Northwet, in the Land Between Canada and Mexico Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 28,067	Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan Never ridden a horse in my life, and never will. Not riding anything with no handlebars and no brakes. Beside, I don't trust any creature with bigger teeth or 'equipment' than I have. Horses have handlebars and brakes. The reins. You use them to guide and steer the animal, and when it is time to slow down or stop, you pull back on them and say “woah!” And the brakes never need to be rebuilt.

09-12-2020, 12:13 PM - 4 Likes	#3103
Racer X 69 Moderator Man With A Camera Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: The Great Pacific Northwet, in the Land Between Canada and Mexico Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 28,067	Originally posted by Parallax .............................. They may say, “I forgive you honey, and I have forgotten everything.” But. They keep it in their back pocket. Forever. And forever is a very, very, very long time. Just when you think it is over and done with, boom! Out it comes. Just like it was yesterday.

09-12-2020, 01:25 PM	#3104
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,342	Originally posted by WPRESTO So there you stand, waiting for a horse to exhale. If I only known what the horse was doing back then, I might of spent more time on the horse's back, rather then holding on for dear life underneath a variety of equines. Odd thing was, my father had a horse and ex race horse from a local track. But that, was before my time.

09-12-2020, 03:17 PM - 2 Likes	#3105
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,342	What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic? Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.