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09-12-2020, 03:36 PM - 9 Likes   #3106
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QuoteOriginally posted by Racer X 69 Quote
They may say, “I forgive you honey, and I have forgotten everything.”

But.

They keep it in their back pocket.

Forever.

And forever is a very, very, very long time.

Just when you think it is over and done with, boom!

Out it comes.

Just like it was yesterday.
Indeed.
The other thing to keep in mind is that "Go ahead. Do whatever you want" DOES NOT mean what it sounds like.
The closest translation from Wifeish to English would be "Go ahead. I dare you!"

09-13-2020, 02:43 AM - 4 Likes   #3107
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QuoteOriginally posted by Parallax Quote
Indeed.
The other thing to keep in mind is that "Go ahead. Do whatever you want" DOES NOT mean what it sounds like.
The closest translation from Wifeish to English would be "Go ahead. I dare you!"
Strange - they forget Rule 7 : 'Never dare an idiot !'
09-13-2020, 10:15 AM - 2 Likes   #3108
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QuoteOriginally posted by 35mmfilmfan Quote
Strange - they forget Rule 7 : 'Never dare an idiot !'
Wouldn't that be "never dare an idiot until you have your camera ready"?
09-13-2020, 12:30 PM - 2 Likes   #3109
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QuoteOriginally posted by DAZ Quote
Wouldn't that be "never dare an idiot until you have your camera ready"?
Yes - that is Dukinfield's corollary.

09-13-2020, 12:49 PM - 7 Likes   #3110
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Question:

You're riding a horse, there's a giraffe alongside you and behind you.... there's a lion....what do you do ?









Answer- Get your drunk butt off the carousel !
09-14-2020, 03:34 PM - 6 Likes   #3111
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Truth
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09-14-2020, 05:19 PM - 7 Likes   #3112
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Guy says to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’

I said: ‘Is that a fret?
09-15-2020, 02:34 PM - 6 Likes   #3113
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What’s E.T. short for?




He’s only got little legs.

09-16-2020, 04:49 AM - 8 Likes   #3114
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Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small *****.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, “Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.”

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table

“Gee, Mom,” he exclaimed, “for me?”

“Just take two,” Brenda replied. “The rest are for your father.”
09-17-2020, 03:02 PM - 5 Likes   #3115
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
09-17-2020, 03:09 PM - 10 Likes   #3116
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09-17-2020, 03:21 PM - 18 Likes   #3117
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This may be a re-post. Not sure!

One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon.
He thought to himself: "It's certainly not a ship."
As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft. Eventually, larger and larger - a giant motor yacht. It anchored some distance off shore.

Some time later there strode from the surf a stunning figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!

She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him: "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar?"
"Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman.

With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out two cigars and a lighter.

He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag.
"Faith and begorrah," said the castaway "that is so good! I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Bushmill's Irish Whiskey?" asked the blonde.
Trembling, the castaway replied: "Ten years."
Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him.

He opened the flask and took a long drink. "Tis nectar of the gods!" shouted the Irishman. "Tis truly fantastic!!!"
At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked: "And how long has it been since you played around?"

With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed: "For the love of God, don’t tell me you’ve got a set of clubs in there as well!”
09-17-2020, 03:34 PM - 1 Like   #3118
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QuoteOriginally posted by MarkJerling Quote
This may be a re-post. Not sure!
New to me. Made my day as I sipped my evening tea!


My wife asked what I was snickering at. LOL.


- Craig
09-18-2020, 02:46 PM - 6 Likes   #3119
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I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
09-18-2020, 03:45 PM - 6 Likes   #3120
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If the Almighty had intended human beings to be vegetarians, He would never have created bacon.
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