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11-16-2020, 03:53 PM - 8 Likes   #3316
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A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command. 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE. COM at the end of the CONFIG. SYS. Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using? User :
MS-DOS 6.22 .
Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User : I need a new power supply.
Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?
User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of the power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

11-16-2020, 03:59 PM - 9 Likes   #3317
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I asked a medically trained friend of mine...."what’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?"



I was told "the taste, mostly."
11-16-2020, 04:52 PM - 9 Likes   #3318
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On Sven and Lena's wedding night Lena sat staring out the window. After several hours Sven said "Lena, aren't you coming to bed? I've been waiting".
Lena said "Oh no, Sven. Maybe tomorrow night. My mudder told me dis vould be de most beautiful night uf my life and I don't vant tuh miss any uf it.
11-17-2020, 10:24 AM - 5 Likes   #3319
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One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's office. When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing pyjamas. "Why are you dressed like that?" I asked her.
"I told my son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school. So now I've come to spend the day with him!"

11-17-2020, 10:50 AM - 4 Likes   #3320
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To assist with Social Distancing, it was decided that all prisoners in the prison would be allocated individual accommodation, to minimise cross infection. This worked well for a couple of weeks, but then the prison staff noticed that many of the inmates were looking and acting confused, often unable to say where they were going, or where they had come from. The prison spychologist (sic) was sent for, and he interviewed many of the affected captives. After a few weeks, he was ready to make his report to the Governor.

At this meeting, he produced charts, listings, spreadsheets, reports and interview records for each person with whom he had spoken. The governor, now thoroughly baffled by brains, or bamboozled by bullfrogs, asked for an explanation.



'It is very simple,' he was told. 'They are all suffering from Single Cell Amnesia.'

Last edited by 35mmfilmfan; 11-17-2020 at 10:51 AM. Reason: New keyboard can't spell
11-17-2020, 01:20 PM - 11 Likes   #3321
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Just watching cable news.....a newsbreak just came in..... a cheese factory exploded in France !

There was nothing left but de Brie !
11-17-2020, 05:35 PM - 7 Likes   #3322
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After getting fired from the Xerox new business development sales team at age 60 when the economy crashed the veteran copier salesman was interviewed by a 35 year old sales manager of a former competitor

The sales manager started with a typical interview question: “Tell me what you think is your greatest weakness.
Me: “I’m too honest.”
SM. “I don’t think honesty is a weakness.”
Me: “I don’t give a crap what you think.”


Last edited by Perfessor5646; 11-18-2020 at 01:39 PM.
11-17-2020, 07:03 PM - 8 Likes   #3323
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Social media is a fount of humor.


Last edited by Digitalis; 11-19-2020 at 12:36 AM.
11-17-2020, 07:58 PM   #3324
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QuoteOriginally posted by Digitalis Quote
Social media is a font of humor.
Now that is a good comeback.
11-18-2020, 03:57 AM   #3325
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QuoteOriginally posted by lesmore49 Quote
Now that is a good comeback.
I thought the expression was 'A fount of humour', as in fountain.

Not a 'font', as in batpism.
11-18-2020, 04:19 AM - 1 Like   #3326
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QuoteOriginally posted by 35mmfilmfan Quote
I thought the expression was 'A fount of humour', as in fountain.

Not a 'font', as in batpism.
I’m sure “font of all knowledge” is a recognised expression.(It’s SWMBO’s preferred title )

Edit.I stand corrected!

“The standard accepted form is fount of knowledge, and this was also the term chosen by the majority of voters in our poll (67%) despite the Oxford English Corpus suggesting that font of knowledge is now the more common form.”
11-18-2020, 04:21 AM   #3327
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QuoteOriginally posted by timb64 Quote
I’m sure “font of all knowledge” is a recognised expression.(It’s SWMBO’s preferred title )
Perhaps different countries and cultures differ on this also.
11-18-2020, 04:25 AM - 4 Likes   #3328
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QuoteOriginally posted by timb64 Quote
I’m sure “font of all knowledge” is a recognised expression.(It’s SWMBO’s preferred title )

Edit.I stand corrected!

“The standard accepted form is fount of knowledge, and this was also the term chosen by the majority of voters in our poll (67%) despite the Oxford English Corpus suggesting that font of knowledge is now the more common form.”
Egad, sirrah, thou hast impugned mine honour, and I demand satisfaction. My seconds will call upon thee with an invitation to a duel. As the aggrieved party, I demand choice of both weapons and the situation of the Field of Honour.

My choice is submarines atop Mount Everest.
11-18-2020, 05:00 AM - 3 Likes   #3329
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QuoteOriginally posted by 35mmfilmfan Quote
Egad, sirrah, thou hast impugned mine honour, and I demand satisfaction. My seconds will call upon thee with an invitation to a duel. As the aggrieved party, I demand choice of both weapons and the situation of the Field of Honour.

My choice is submarines atop Mount Everest.
Challenge accepted! Prepare your submarine
11-18-2020, 07:16 AM - 3 Likes   #3330
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QuoteOriginally posted by timb64 Quote
Challenge accepted! Prepare your submarine
You are both going down!
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