[Ian Stuart Forsyth]

Does a color blind person see red when they are angry?

If an albino person is pigmentation challenged do they turn green when they are sick ? and does this also apply to envy ?

[Craigbob]

A little old lady gets on a flight carrying a bag, purse and a little dog in a box. She sits down and puts the box on the seat next to her.
A stewardess approaches the lady and says, "I'm sorry Madam, but you can't keep the dog here. I'll have to take it and put it in baggage." Without any choice in the matter she agrees.
During the flight the stewardess looks in on the little dog, and finds the dog is dead. She informs the pilot who notifies the airport who tells the director who decides that they will get another dog to replace the departed one. The little old lady would never know.
When the plane lands and she goes to the baggage hall to claim her box, they bring her a box with a new dog, an exact replica of her old dog. "This is not my dog!", she exclaims.
"Why yes it is," the captain tells her. "See, it has the same markings." "This is not my dog", the lady insists.
"How do you know this isn't your dog?" asks the captain. "Because... my dog was dead!"

[rod_grant]

Does a color blind person see red when they are angry?

If an albino person is pigmentation challenged do they turn green when they are sick ? and does this also apply to envy ?

Good questions, Ian, - questions that need to be answered.

I once worked with a man who tended to have regular BBQs on Sundays, and often on Mondays, we would see him change colour throughout the day; I don't remember the exact order, but I think he started off red, through green and then most of the afternoon sat at his desk looking decidedly grey. There were a few other shades in between.
Nothing to do with you questions, but you brought him to mind.

[ZombieArmy]

A little old lady gets on a flight carrying a bag, purse and a little dog in a box. She sits down and puts the box on the seat next to her.
A stewardess approaches the lady and says, "I'm sorry Madam, but you can't keep the dog here. I'll have to take it and put it in baggage." Without any choice in the matter she agrees.
During the flight the stewardess looks in on the little dog, and finds the dog is dead. She informs the pilot who notifies the airport who tells the director who decides that they will get another dog to replace the departed one. The little old lady would never know.
When the plane lands and she goes to the baggage hall to claim her box, they bring her a box with a new dog, an exact replica of her old dog. "This is not my dog!", she exclaims.
"Why yes it is," the captain tells her. "See, it has the same markings." "This is not my dog", the lady insists.
"How do you know this isn't your dog?" asks the captain. "Because... my dog was dead!"

I saw it coming, but that didn't make me laugh any less

[bxf]

Does a color blind person see red when they are angry?

If an albino person is pigmentation challenged do they turn green when they are sick ? and does this also apply to envy ?

This reminds me of the black person who once said to me "being black can be boring. When white people are angry, they are red. If they are sick, they are green or yelow, when lonely they are blue, when embarrassed, they are red. If you are black, then when angry, black. When sick, black. When lonely, black, etc".

[lesmore49]

.

“Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.”

Stephen Wright , famous American comedian

[Liney]

This recent COVID lockdown has meant it started to feel a lot like Christmas, work was shut, the shops were shut, there was no traffic noise and I'm stuck in the house with the in-laws.....

[rod_grant]

I saw it coming, but that didn't make me laugh any less

ditto

[lesmore49]

My wife just burned 2,000 calories.

She says that’s the last time she leave brownies in the oven, while she naps.

[WPRESTO]

The fireman was embarrassed at the Medieval Faire. He forgot to bring his hose.

[Liney]

Apparently I'm getting divorced, I just heard the wife telling her friend she was getting rid of 180 pounds of unsightly fat so I assume she means me....

[robtcorl]

[lesmore49]

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

[gifthorse]

My advice to my nephew on his wedding day. "Someday your wife is going to ask you what you think. Don't fall for it. She doesn't want to hear what you think. She wants to hear what she thinks, but in a deeper voice."

[SimonC]

Some Tim Vine one liners, they always make me chuckle...

“I’d like to start with the chimney jokes – I’ve got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.”

“I did a gig in a fertility clinic. I got a standing ovulation.”

“I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper – dicing with death.”

“I rang up British Telecom and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’ He said: ‘Not you again.'”

“I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah and I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.'”

“The advantages of easy origami are two-fold.”

“I rang up my local swimming baths. I said: ‘Is that the local swimming baths?’ He said: ‘It depends where you’re calling from.'”

“I said to the gym instructor: ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’ He said: ‘How flexible are you?’ I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays.'”

“I’m against hunting. In fact, I’m a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.”

“This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, ‘I want you to trace someone for me.'”

“I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, ‘that’s Abba-riginal.'”

“I’ve decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust.”

“I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me ‘Can you give me a lift?’ I said ‘Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.'”

“I went down the local supermarket. I said: ‘I want to make a complaint – this vinegar’s got lumps in it.’ He said: ‘Those are pickled onions.'”

“I’ll tell you what I love doing more than anything – trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.”

“I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.”

“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice.”

“I’m so lazy I’ve got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.”

“I’ve spent the afternoon re-arranging the furniture in Dracula’s house. I was doing a bit of Fang-Shui.”

“I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on three counts.”

“Uncle Ben has died. No more Mr Rice Guy.”

“I once did a gig in a zoo. I got babooned off.”

“Eric Bristow asked me why I put superglue on one of his darts. I said ‘you just can’t let it go can you?'”

“I saw this advert in a window that said: ‘Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.’ I thought, ‘I can’t turn that down.'”

“I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”

“Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes.”

"Do you ever get that when you’re half way through eating a horse and you think to yourself, ‘I’m not as hungry as I thought I was?'”

“Black Beauty – now there’s a dark horse.”

“I was reading a book – ‘The History of Glue’ – I couldn’t put it down.”

“I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said ‘Who’s speaking please?’ And a voice said ‘You are.'”

“Exit signs? They’re on the way out!”

“Velcro? What a rip-off!”

“I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said ‘Analogue?’ I said ‘No, just a watch.'”

“I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.”

“I went to the doctor. I said to him ‘I’m frightened of lapels.’ He said, ‘You’ve got cholera.'”

“I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can’t remember his name, it’s P-something T-something R…”

“I was having dinner with my boss and his wife said, ‘How many potatoes would you like, Tim?’. I said ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one please.’ She said ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.’ ‘Alright,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.’

“A friend of mine always wanted to be run over by a steam train. When it happened, he was chuffed to bits!”

“I was in the army once and the Sergeant said to me: ‘What does surrender mean?’ I said: ‘I give up!'”

“This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?'”