The Joke Thread

**Photos-by-Chas** · 07-25-2021, 04:33 PM - **3 Likes**

Originally posted by RobA_Oz

I actually remember seeing that one on a postcard stand somewhere in England! I don’t think my wife was as amused as I was.

I recall an old saying, "A woman is as old as she looks. A man is not old until he stops looking."

35mmfilmfan · 07-26-2021, 01:15 AM - **2 Likes**

Or, to quote Fred Wedlock :

'A man is just as old as the woman he feels'.

timb64 · 07-26-2021, 02:29 AM - **5 Likes**

I live by the principle “Growing old is inevitable,growing up is optional!”

**WPRESTO** · 07-26-2021, 07:20 AM - **2 Likes**

Along the lines of recent posted remarks.

Many people grow old with maturing.
A man is getting old when he forgets to zip up before leaving a restroom, but he's done for when he forgets to unzip going in.
A man is getting old if he finds it hard to get up in the morning, but he's past his time if he can't get it up hard when he goes to bed.

35mmfilmfan · 07-26-2021, 08:22 AM

Zip ? My dear fellow, one's tailor provides one's nether garments with buttons made from ethically-sourced deer antlers.

**ehrwien** · 07-26-2021, 08:41 AM - **6 Likes**

How do you know you're old?

When people stop laughing when you trip and begin asking if everything is ok...

**Tonytee** · 07-26-2021, 02:34 PM - **1 Like**

I know I am old when I reflect and think to myself: "What I used to do all day, now takes me all day to do."

tonytee

---------- Post added 07-26-21 at 02:34 PM ----------

I know I am old when I reflect and think to myself: "What I used to do all day, now takes me all day to do."

tonytee

35mmfilmfan · 07-26-2021, 03:02 PM - **3 Likes**

I've been told that one of the manifestations of advancing years is that I keep repeating myself.

I've been told that one of the manifestations of advancing years is that I keep repeating myself.

Parallax · 07-26-2021, 03:24 PM - **4 Likes**

You know you're getting old when you start, uh, um, uh.
Oh, never mind.

timb64 · 07-26-2021, 03:38 PM - **5 Likes**

I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

**RobA_Oz** · 07-26-2021, 05:02 PM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by Parallax

You know you're getting old when you start, uh, um, uh.
Oh, never mind.

That’s a little close to the bone!

(As the actress said to the bishop)

**Photos-by-Chas** · 07-26-2021, 06:37 PM

Originally posted by timb64

I live by the principle “Growing old is inevitable,growing up is optional!”

I have seen that, and used it, many times.

35mmfilmfan · 07-26-2021, 11:07 PM - **5 Likes**

Last time I visited the doctor, for the ritual humiliation of the plump and slow-moving elderly (blood pressure and weight !), she looked at me seriously and said 'I must tell you, there is something that you will never, ever be able to do, no matter how much you may wish to.' This had me a little concerned, as you can imagine, and I enquired what it might be.

'Die young' she said.

**WPRESTO** · 07-27-2021, 06:36 AM - **2 Likes**

I don't much like growing old, but it's better than the alternative.

When I read that someone younger than me has died I sometimes think HA! Doing better than you. Then it occurs to me that I've become a fugitive from the Law of Averages.

Kunzite · 07-27-2021, 07:00 AM - **6 Likes**

An old lady - in her 90s - was spending her first day in a nursing home. A private nursing home, and quite expensive - so the personnel was very careful how they treated people.
As she was basking in the gentle sun, the caretakers saw her tilting on the left. Immediately, they jumped and propped her with a pillow. All was good, until they saw her tilting to the right. Another pillow to the rescue. But, guess what - not long passed until she started to fall forward.
They had to basically tie up the poor old lady, which was completely fine except for the apparent lack of balance.

In the evening, the old lady was talking with her family - who asked if she was treated well.
"Perfectly", she said. "Well, almost. Sure, they were very attentive, perhaps a bit too much - as I wasn't even able to break a wind".

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07-25-2021, 04:33 PM - 3 Likes	#4141
Photos-by-Chas Site Supporter Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Northwest Pennsylvania, USA Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 1,318	Originally posted by RobA_Oz I actually remember seeing that one on a postcard stand somewhere in England! I don’t think my wife was as amused as I was. I recall an old saying, "A woman is as old as she looks. A man is not old until he stops looking."

07-26-2021, 01:15 AM - 2 Likes	#4142
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,329	Or, to quote Fred Wedlock : 'A man is just as old as the woman he feels'.

07-26-2021, 02:29 AM - 5 Likes	#4143
timb64 Pentaxian Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: /Situation : Doing my best to avoid idiots! Photos: Gallery Posts: 9,510	I live by the principle “Growing old is inevitable,growing up is optional!”

07-26-2021, 07:20 AM - 2 Likes	#4144
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,106	Along the lines of recent posted remarks. Many people grow old with maturing. A man is getting old when he forgets to zip up before leaving a restroom, but he's done for when he forgets to unzip going in. A man is getting old if he finds it hard to get up in the morning, but he's past his time if he can't get it up hard when he goes to bed.

07-26-2021, 08:22 AM	#4145
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,329	Zip ? My dear fellow, one's tailor provides one's nether garments with buttons made from ethically-sourced deer antlers.

07-26-2021, 08:41 AM - 6 Likes	#4146
ehrwien Site Supporter Join Date: May 2016 Posts: 2,782	How do you know you're old? When people stop laughing when you trip and begin asking if everything is ok...

07-26-2021, 02:34 PM - 1 Like	#4147
Tonytee Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Jul 2012 Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 21,461	I know I am old when I reflect and think to myself: "What I used to do all day, now takes me all day to do." tonytee ---------- Post added 07-26-21 at 02:34 PM ---------- I know I am old when I reflect and think to myself: "What I used to do all day, now takes me all day to do." tonytee

07-26-2021, 03:02 PM - 3 Likes	#4148
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,329	I've been told that one of the manifestations of advancing years is that I keep repeating myself. I've been told that one of the manifestations of advancing years is that I keep repeating myself.

07-26-2021, 03:24 PM - 4 Likes	#4149
Parallax Senior Moderator Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Dakota Photos: Gallery Posts: 19,332	You know you're getting old when you start, uh, um, uh. Oh, never mind.

07-26-2021, 03:38 PM - 5 Likes	#4150
timb64 Pentaxian Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: /Situation : Doing my best to avoid idiots! Photos: Gallery Posts: 9,510	I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

07-26-2021, 05:02 PM - 1 Like	#4151
RobA_Oz Site Supporter Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Tasmania, Australia Photos: Gallery Posts: 8,197	Originally posted by Parallax You know you're getting old when you start, uh, um, uh. Oh, never mind. That’s a little close to the bone! (As the actress said to the bishop)

07-26-2021, 06:37 PM	#4152
Photos-by-Chas Site Supporter Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Northwest Pennsylvania, USA Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 1,318	Originally posted by timb64 I live by the principle “Growing old is inevitable,growing up is optional!” I have seen that, and used it, many times.

07-26-2021, 11:07 PM - 5 Likes	#4153
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,329	Last time I visited the doctor, for the ritual humiliation of the plump and slow-moving elderly (blood pressure and weight !), she looked at me seriously and said 'I must tell you, there is something that you will never, ever be able to do, no matter how much you may wish to.' This had me a little concerned, as you can imagine, and I enquired what it might be. 'Die young' she said.

07-27-2021, 06:36 AM - 2 Likes	#4154
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,106	I don't much like growing old, but it's better than the alternative. When I read that someone younger than me has died I sometimes think HA! Doing better than you. Then it occurs to me that I've become a fugitive from the Law of Averages.

07-27-2021, 07:00 AM - 6 Likes	#4155
Kunzite Pentaxian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Romania Posts: 15,132	An old lady - in her 90s - was spending her first day in a nursing home. A private nursing home, and quite expensive - so the personnel was very careful how they treated people. As she was basking in the gentle sun, the caretakers saw her tilting on the left. Immediately, they jumped and propped her with a pillow. All was good, until they saw her tilting to the right. Another pillow to the rescue. But, guess what - not long passed until she started to fall forward. They had to basically tie up the poor old lady, which was completely fine except for the apparent lack of balance. In the evening, the old lady was talking with her family - who asked if she was treated well. "Perfectly", she said. "Well, almost. Sure, they were very attentive, perhaps a bit too much - as I wasn't even able to break a wind".