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10-17-2021, 11:07 AM - 1 Like   #4396
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Talking of metrification, when I were a lad, the meter was where your dad got his beer money on a Saturday night, and if you saw a Frenchman - you shot him.

10-19-2021, 05:35 AM - 1 Like   #4397
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Two doctors were complaining about how incompetent the nurses were at their hospital.

While they were talking, they saw a nurse carrying a pot of boiling water while chasing a patient down the hallway.

"See that," said one doctor, "that's a perfect example of what we're talking about. Just a few moments ago, I told her to prick that guy's boil."
10-19-2021, 07:07 AM - 7 Likes   #4398
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I'm at that age where my mind still thinks I'm 29, my humor suggests I'm 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I'm sure I'm not dead yet.
10-20-2021, 06:12 AM - 13 Likes   #4399
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A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

10-20-2021, 12:03 PM - 3 Likes   #4400
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QuoteOriginally posted by Parallax Quote
I'm at that age where my mind still thinks I'm 29, my humor suggests I'm 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I'm sure I'm not dead yet.
I showed that one to my wife and she agrees that it sums me up perfectly.
10-20-2021, 01:55 PM - 2 Likes   #4401
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Looking out from inside this body, I feel like the same person I was thirty years ago. But people seeing me from outside this body want to help me put groceries in the car, give me a hand on a staircase. take my arm to cross the street, even jump ahead to open a door for me. I really don't want to see what they do.
10-20-2021, 02:03 PM - 14 Likes   #4402
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Occasionally I have a senior moment and can't come up with a word that I'm searching for. I've discovered that if I say "I forgot the English word for it" people will think I'm bilingual instead of an idiot.

10-20-2021, 03:40 PM - 4 Likes   #4403
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As I accumulate years and weight, I frequently wake up in the morning feeling as if my body's been slept in.
10-20-2021, 06:12 PM   #4404
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QuoteOriginally posted by Parallax Quote
Occasionally I have a senior moment and can't come up with a word that I'm searching for. I've discovered that if I say "I forgot the English word for it" people will think I'm bilingual instead of an idiot.
10-20-2021, 06:14 PM - 2 Likes   #4405
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QuoteOriginally posted by Parallax Quote
Occasionally I have a senior moment and can't come up with a word that I'm searching for. I've discovered that if I say "I forgot the English word for it" people will think I'm bilingual instead of an idiot.
That should work well up here in Canada. I'll have to try it.

- Craig
10-21-2021, 03:52 AM - 2 Likes   #4406
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QuoteOriginally posted by c.a.m Quote
That should work well up here in Canada. I'll have to try it.

- Craig
If you say it in French, this will add spurious verisimilitude to an otherwise bald and unconvincing explanation.
10-27-2021, 07:05 AM - 5 Likes   #4407
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A lady was calmly, politely yet forcefully berating her husband for his lack of advancement in his career, and in life generally, stating she was sure it was down to his surname, which she was sure did not inspire confidence in people. They talked it over, as couples do, and eventually decided that one avenue forward would be for a legal change of name. She was adamant that a double-barreled surname would hopefully create a better impression, and he agreed to visit a solicitor and complete the necessary paperwork.

This he did, and the lady waited eagerly to see the result. He had complied in every respect with her wishes, yet strangely she was not satisfied.



May I introduce to you -


Mr. and Mrs. Shotgun
10-27-2021, 09:09 PM - 1 Like   #4408
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QuoteOriginally posted by 35mmfilmfan Quote
May I introduce to you -


Mr. and Mrs. Shotgun
They’re not all double-barrelled, though. I’ll leave you to ponder the possibilities of a pump-action one.
10-27-2021, 11:21 PM - 8 Likes   #4409
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"I have a fear of speed bumps. But I'm slowly getting over it."
10-28-2021, 08:25 AM - 1 Like   #4410
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QuoteOriginally posted by RobA_Oz Quote
They’re not all double-barrelled, though. I’ll leave you to ponder the possibilities of a pump-action one.
I understand it's all in the wrist action.
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