The Joke Thread

**WPRESTO** · 11-30-2022, 06:29 AM - **6 Likes**

“i before “e”

Unless you leisurely deceive eight feisty foreign heirs to forfeit their heinous sovereign conceits.

WEIRD!

---------- Post added 11-30-22 at 08:31 AM ----------

Must I push all your buttons before I find "mute?"

---------- Post added 11-30-22 at 08:33 AM ----------

Of course I don't know how to act my age. I've never been this old before.

---------- Post added 11-30-22 at 08:38 AM ----------

I don't mind growing older, considering the alternative, but my body isn't taking it well.

---------- Post added 11-30-22 at 08:41 AM ----------

Two rules for an enduring marriage:

1) Learn to say "yes dear" and sound as though you meant it.

2) Know when it's time to go and work on the car.

**Photos-by-Chas** · 11-30-2022, 06:53 AM

Hopefully every surgeon thinks like that before beginning. I am personally thankful that each time I've had a procedure that my surgeon and the team had the competence, experience and confidence to perform correctly and successfully.

35mmfilmfan · 12-08-2022, 06:42 AM - **9 Likes**

A lady and her teenage daughter were sitting one evening. The mother said 'Please hand me the telephone directory'.

The teenager rolled her eyes, and saying 'Mother, you are so out of date !' handed over her i-Phone.

'Thank you' said the adult, taking the item.

The Spider is now dead.

So, it seems, is the i-Phone.

.

bobD · 12-09-2022, 10:11 PM - **1 Like**

A little lite relief....well short relief....ok then,.. they're stumpy but valiant !

Corgis competing in annual Wellington races would have made late Queen proud | Stuff.co.nz

**arnold** · 12-10-2022, 05:50 AM - **11 Likes**

A couple met at Myrtle Beach and fell in love. They were discussing how they

would continue their relationship after their vacations were over.

"It's only fair to warn you Linda." he said. "I'm a golf nut. I live...

eat... sleep... and breathe golf."

"Well..." Linda said, "since you're being honest, so will I. I'm a hooker."

"I see." he said pensively.

Then, he smiled and said.... "It's probably because you're not keeping your

wrists straight when you hit the ball."

**clackers** · 12-12-2022, 08:48 PM - **12 Likes**

Racer X 69 · 12-13-2022, 03:03 AM - **8 Likes**

Shortly after teeing off, a young lady comes rushing into the pro shop, obviously in acute distress.

“What’s the trouble, miss?”, asked the pro.

“I’ve just been stung by a bee!”, she exclaimed.

“Where at?”, the man asked.

“Somewhere between the first and the second hole!”, the young woman shrieked.

“Hmm…..” mused the man, “Sounds like your stance is a bit too wide.”

35mmfilmfan · 12-13-2022, 08:02 AM - **4 Likes**

When the entire department in which I was employed was made redundant, as it had been calculated that the work could be done more cheaply by outside contractors, we discussed what kind of employment each of us might consider in the future. The head of the department (female) did not seem to have any ideas (no change there), so I suggested she might like to work in a pet shop.

Everyone looked puzzled, and eventually someone asked 'Why ?'

'Well,' I said 'from what I've heard, she likes playing with a Cockatoo.'

As I was already redundant, they couldn't sack me.

.

35mmfilmfan · 12-14-2022, 11:24 AM - **2 Likes**

Why don't electric cars have solar panels on the roof ?

.

**ehrwien** · 12-14-2022, 12:50 PM - **3 Likes**

Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan

Why don't electric cars have solar panels on the roof?

Because they would be photoelectric cars, then?

jcdoss · 12-14-2022, 01:37 PM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan

Why don't electric cars have solar panels on the roof ?

.

I used to have a Prius with solar panels on the roof.

**WPRESTO** · 12-14-2022, 02:04 PM - **2 Likes**

FYI A tiny ultralight electric vehicle covered by solar panels drove across the entire country, but not at night.

https://www.americansolarchallenge.org/

normhead · 12-15-2022, 06:53 AM

Originally posted by WPRESTO

FYI A tiny ultralight electric vehicle covered by solar panels drove across the entire country, but not at night.

https://www.americansolarchallenge.org/

The opposite of vampire cars.... or bats or even flying squirrels.

35mmfilmfan · 12-18-2022, 07:09 AM - **1 Like**

Norwich being a fairly cosmopolitan city, many of the food stores cater for a wide range of tastes, no more so than on the World-Famous Norwich Market, where some of the stalls have foodstuffs from the four corners of the circular globe.

One such stall advertises 'Cheese from around the world'. Last week, I went there (before the snow), and asked if they had any cheese from the Holy Land. The proprietor apologised, and said he did not.

'Oh,' I said -

'I would think that at this time of year, Cheeses of Nazareth would sell well'. He told me my fortune in a somewhat Blue Vein.

.

**tncowdaddy** · 12-18-2022, 07:22 AM

Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan

'I would think that at this time of year, Cheeses of Nazareth would sell well'. He told me my fortune in a somewhat Blue Vein.

Groan... I love it!

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11-30-2022, 06:29 AM - 6 Likes	#5116
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,107	“i before “e” Unless you leisurely deceive eight feisty foreign heirs to forfeit their heinous sovereign conceits. WEIRD! ---------- Post added 11-30-22 at 08:31 AM ---------- Must I push all your buttons before I find "mute?" ---------- Post added 11-30-22 at 08:33 AM ---------- Of course I don't know how to act my age. I've never been this old before. ---------- Post added 11-30-22 at 08:38 AM ---------- I don't mind growing older, considering the alternative, but my body isn't taking it well. ---------- Post added 11-30-22 at 08:41 AM ---------- Two rules for an enduring marriage: 1) Learn to say "yes dear" and sound as though you meant it. 2) Know when it's time to go and work on the car.

11-30-2022, 06:53 AM	#5117
Photos-by-Chas Site Supporter Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Northwest Pennsylvania, USA Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 1,318	Hopefully every surgeon thinks like that before beginning. I am personally thankful that each time I've had a procedure that my surgeon and the team had the competence, experience and confidence to perform correctly and successfully.

12-08-2022, 06:42 AM - 9 Likes	#5118
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,329	A lady and her teenage daughter were sitting one evening. The mother said 'Please hand me the telephone directory'. The teenager rolled her eyes, and saying 'Mother, you are so out of date !' handed over her i-Phone. 'Thank you' said the adult, taking the item. The Spider is now dead. So, it seems, is the i-Phone. .

12-09-2022, 10:11 PM - 1 Like	#5119
bobD Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Waikikamukau Photos: Albums Posts: 1,248	A little lite relief....well short relief....ok then,.. they're stumpy but valiant ! Corgis competing in annual Wellington races would have made late Queen proud \| Stuff.co.nz

12-10-2022, 05:50 AM - 11 Likes	#5120
arnold Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: Queensland Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 4,294	A couple met at Myrtle Beach and fell in love. They were discussing how they would continue their relationship after their vacations were over. "It's only fair to warn you Linda." he said. "I'm a golf nut. I live... eat... sleep... and breathe golf." "Well..." Linda said, "since you're being honest, so will I. I'm a hooker." "I see." he said pensively. Then, he smiled and said.... "It's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

12-12-2022, 08:48 PM - 12 Likes	#5121
clackers Otis Memorial Pentaxian Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Melbourne Photos: Albums Posts: 16,397

12-13-2022, 03:03 AM - 8 Likes	#5122
Racer X 69 Moderator Man With A Camera Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: The Great Pacific Northwet, in the Land Between Canada and Mexico Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 28,068	Shortly after teeing off, a young lady comes rushing into the pro shop, obviously in acute distress. “What’s the trouble, miss?”, asked the pro. “I’ve just been stung by a bee!”, she exclaimed. “Where at?”, the man asked. “Somewhere between the first and the second hole!”, the young woman shrieked. “Hmm…..” mused the man, “Sounds like your stance is a bit too wide.”

12-13-2022, 08:02 AM - 4 Likes	#5123
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,329	When the entire department in which I was employed was made redundant, as it had been calculated that the work could be done more cheaply by outside contractors, we discussed what kind of employment each of us might consider in the future. The head of the department (female) did not seem to have any ideas (no change there), so I suggested she might like to work in a pet shop. Everyone looked puzzled, and eventually someone asked 'Why ?' 'Well,' I said 'from what I've heard, she likes playing with a Cockatoo.' As I was already redundant, they couldn't sack me. .

12-14-2022, 11:24 AM - 2 Likes	#5124
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,329	Why don't electric cars have solar panels on the roof ? .

12-14-2022, 12:50 PM - 3 Likes	#5125
ehrwien Site Supporter Join Date: May 2016 Posts: 2,782	Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan Why don't electric cars have solar panels on the roof? Because they would be photoelectric cars, then?

12-14-2022, 01:37 PM - 2 Likes	#5126
jcdoss Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Ingelheim am Rhein, Germany Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 6,769	Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan Why don't electric cars have solar panels on the roof ? . I used to have a Prius with solar panels on the roof.

12-14-2022, 02:04 PM - 2 Likes	#5127
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,107	FYI A tiny ultralight electric vehicle covered by solar panels drove across the entire country, but not at night. https://www.americansolarchallenge.org/

12-15-2022, 06:53 AM	#5128
normhead Pentaxian Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Near Algonquin Park Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 40,451	Originally posted by WPRESTO FYI A tiny ultralight electric vehicle covered by solar panels drove across the entire country, but not at night. https://www.americansolarchallenge.org/ The opposite of vampire cars.... or bats or even flying squirrels.

12-18-2022, 07:09 AM - 1 Like	#5129
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,329	Norwich being a fairly cosmopolitan city, many of the food stores cater for a wide range of tastes, no more so than on the World-Famous Norwich Market, where some of the stalls have foodstuffs from the four corners of the circular globe. One such stall advertises 'Cheese from around the world'. Last week, I went there (before the snow), and asked if they had any cheese from the Holy Land. The proprietor apologised, and said he did not. 'Oh,' I said - 'I would think that at this time of year, Cheeses of Nazareth would sell well'. He told me my fortune in a somewhat Blue Vein. .

12-18-2022, 07:22 AM	#5130
tncowdaddy Site Supporter Join Date: May 2016 Location: Bristol, Tennessee Posts: 369	Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan 'I would think that at this time of year, Cheeses of Nazareth would sell well'. He told me my fortune in a somewhat Blue Vein. Groan... I love it!