[arnold]

Over a gynecologist's office:
Dr. Jones, at Your Cervix

On a septic tank truck:
We're #1 in the #2 Business

On another septic tank truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

At a proctologist's door:
To Expedite Your Visit Please Back In

[cartesio]

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

[Photos-by-Chas]

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

Two bulls were conversing in a pasture and noticed a few heifers in the next pasture. They decided to jump the fence and see if they could hook up with one or two. One bull approached a cute young cow. She winked at him and asked, "You're Ferdinand the Bull, right?"

He answered, "No, just ferdinand, that fence was higher than I thought it was."

[arnold]

In a podiatrist's office:
Time Wounds All Heels

On a plumber's truck:
Don't Sleep With a Drip, Call Your Plumber

On another plumber's truck:
We repair What Your Husband Fixed

At a tire shop:
Invite Us to Your Next Blowout

[Racer X 69]

What did the camera say when it got lost? It said "I'm so focused on finding my way back home!"

(Stolen from another forum member)

[StiffLegged]

The mullah returned to his Afghan village telling how he had met the king, and the king had spoken with him. The villagers were deeply impressed. Then the village idiot asked “What did he say?” to which the mullah replied, in a whisper, “Get out of the way!”

[cartesio]

A farmer has dozens of cows and two bulls, but both bulls are too old to mate anymore.
One day the famer brings a third bull into the field. The new bull is much younger than the other two, and immediately starts mating with cow after cow.
When the old bulls see this, one of them starts huffing, snorting, and scraping the ground with his hoof.
"Don't bother competing with that guy," says the other old bull. "You're too old. He'd laugh at you."
"I'm not trying to compete with him," replies the first old bull. "I just want him to know I'm not a cow."

[WPRESTO]

This is an oldy.

The old rooster wasn't doing it's job with the hens. The farmer introduced a new rooster. The resident old timer walked up to the new rooster and said:


"Listen, these hens are fussy. If you can't prove yourself healthier than me, they'll never tolerate you impregnating them. To demonstrate your stamina, race me around the hen house three times, Once you outdistance me, the hens will flock to you."


"OK," said the newcomer rooster. "Let's go on my count of three. One, two." and at that point the old rooster took off like a flash. The younger rooster raced to catch up, closing half the separation on the first lap, closer still on the second, and by the third had his beak right in the older roosters tail feathers. Suddenly a shotgun blast went off, the young rooster fell dead and the oldster slowed down walked over the the hens catching his breath as he went.

"Dang," said the farmer. "That's the forth new rooster this month and every one has been gay."

[richard0170]

This is an oldy.

The old rooster wasn't doing it's job with the hens. The farmer introduced a new rooster. The resident old timer walked up to the new rooster as said:


"Listen, these hens are fussy. If you can;t prove yourself healthier than me, they'll never tolerate you impregnating them. To demonstrate your stamina, race me around the hen house three times, Once you outdistance me, the hens will flock to you."


"OK," said the newcomer rooster. "Let's go on my count of three. One, two." and at that point the old rooster took off like a flash. The younger rooster raced to catch up, closing half the separation on the first lap, closer still on the second, and by the third had his beak right in the older roosters tail feathers. Suddenly a shotgun blast went off, the young rooster fell dead and the oldster slowed down walked over the the hens catching his breath as he went.

"Dang," said the farmer. "That's the forth new rooster this month and every one has been gay."

To quote the cyclist, the late, great Fausto Coppi, "Age and treachery will overcome youth and skill."

[Zivelot]

Chuck Norris does not take vitamins. Vitamins take Chuck Norris.

[Racer X 69]

My Roomba just went to the corner where the broom was, and knocked it down.

Dude!

Chill out!

You’ve already got the job.

[35mmfilmfan]

A good story should involve surprise, the aristocracy, a certain degree of intimacy and above all, mystery.


'Good Heavens !' cried the Duchess, 'I'm pregnant ! I wonder whose it is ?'



.

[WPRESTO]

A good story should involve surprise, the aristocracy, a certain degree of intimacy and above all, mystery.


'Good Heavens !' cried the Duchess, 'I'm pregnant ! I wonder whose it is ?' .

Which proves the ancient proverb (found in print for at least 500 years):

"At night all cats are gray" (There are minor variations in wording for example: "When the candles burn out, all cats are grey.")

For the Duchess it applies to tomcats.

[clackers]

[MarkJerling]

I sure hope those are bicycle tires!