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02-22-2024, 10:57 AM - 7 Likes   #5836
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At a PC User's Group meeting (many years ago) a company was demonstrating its latest speech-recognition software. A representative from the company was just about ready to start the demonstration and asked everyone in the room to quiet down.

Just then someone in the back of the room yelled, "Format C: Return."

Someone else chimed in: "Yes, Return."

Unfortunately, the software worked.

02-22-2024, 11:18 AM   #5837
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QuoteOriginally posted by Parallax Quote
Unfortunately, the software worked.
LOL.

Even to this day, I can't bring myself to type 'star dot star' or 'star dot anything' on a computer.

- Craig
02-22-2024, 08:38 PM   #5838
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QuoteOriginally posted by StiffLegged Quote
Someone else put it as:
In wine there is wisdom
In beer there is strength
In water there are bacteria

Musta' bin a microbiologist.

My wife has a degree in microbiology. She liked that joke.
02-23-2024, 04:24 AM   #5839
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Long ago I made a mobile using plastic cetaceans for M because she has a fondness for marine mammals. Every now and then it must be taken down and cleaned of accumulated dust, but I don't mind. I always enjoy going on a whale wash.

02-23-2024, 05:00 AM   #5840
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If you weigh whales at a 'whale-weigh' station - where do you weigh pies ?

Over the Rainbow.







'Somewhere, over the Rainbow - weigh a Pie'

T
02-25-2024, 01:46 PM - 3 Likes   #5841
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Why do coffins have glass lids ?





Remains to be seen

Doctor, I've been bitten by a wolf !

Where ?

No, normal

T
02-25-2024, 02:44 PM - 1 Like   #5842
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QuoteOriginally posted by 35mmfilmfan Quote
...Remains to be seen
That's a turkey after Christmas!

02-27-2024, 02:40 PM - 6 Likes   #5843
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............
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02-27-2024, 05:53 PM - 6 Likes   #5844
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(Not sure how this translates to non uk audience as contains uk slang , but here goes .... )

My mate , the circumcision surgeon has been in trouble at work due to his failing eyesight ... he got the sack ....
02-28-2024, 09:04 AM - 7 Likes   #5845
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​My girlfriend is turning 32 soon... I've told her not to get her hopes up.
"After all," I say, "We're only going to celebrate it for half a minute"
When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out "This is your thirty-second birthday"
02-29-2024, 02:54 AM - 3 Likes   #5846
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Just found out that A Tale of Two Cities was originally serialised in two local newspapers.

It was The Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times.
02-29-2024, 05:32 AM   #5847
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QuoteOriginally posted by ehrwien Quote
Just found out that A Tale of Two Cities was originally serialised in two local newspapers.

It was The Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times.
That is probably the best (or worst) pun I have recently read.
03-02-2024, 04:00 PM - 4 Likes   #5848
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Based on a joke in Reader's Digest.

The young army recruit was shipped to a training facility out in the desert. When he got his first leave he managed to hitch-hike a ride. He asked the driver: "Where can I get some hot action in town?" The driver replied: "Son, I am the base chaplain." The recruit instantly said: "Well in that case could you give me a list of places I should avoid?"
03-03-2024, 08:43 AM   #5849
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QuoteOriginally posted by ehrwien Quote
Just found out that A Tale of Two Cities was originally serialised in two local newspapers.

It was The Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times.

Groan .... 🤣
03-03-2024, 03:36 PM - 6 Likes   #5850
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A young woman found a bottle on a sandy beach. Upon wiping the sand off of it a Genie appeared and granted her three wishes.
The caveat was that her husband would get the same thing but 10 times more of it.

She asked to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The Genie warned her that her husband would then be ten times more handsome, but she replied that they had true love and it wouldn't be a problem.

Next she said she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The Genie warned her that her husband would have 10 times the wealth but she replied that they had true love and what was his was also hers.

The Genie transformed her into a stunning beauty and her bank account suddenly had a lot more zeros in the balance.

The Genie said he would grant her one more wish so she wished for a mild heart attack.
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