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07-19-2017, 03:43 AM - 5 Likes   #601
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Where does virgin olive oil come from?


Ugly olives.

07-20-2017, 06:34 PM   #602
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QuoteOriginally posted by clackers Quote
If this is a parody of useless YouTube tutorials, I saw one a couple of days ago where the guy actually advocated bringing a cardboard cut out frame in 3:2 ratio and on location you look through it for potential shots.
I seem to recall this same advice appearing in an old Focal Press book, way back in nineteen hundred and frozen-to-death - if my memory serves, it was one about using reversal film, to minimise the number of wasted exposures.
07-20-2017, 06:46 PM   #603
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QuoteOriginally posted by 35mmfilmfan Quote
I seem to recall this same advice appearing in an old Focal Press book, way back in nineteen hundred and frozen-to-death - if my memory serves, it was one about using reversal film, to minimise the number of wasted exposures.
Why the need for the cardboard? Today, why not simply look through your viewfinder?
07-20-2017, 06:49 PM   #604
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QuoteOriginally posted by 35mmfilmfan Quote
I seem to recall this same advice appearing in an old Focal Press book, way back in nineteen hundred and frozen-to-death - if my memory serves, it was one about using reversal film, to minimise the number of wasted exposures.
Have you never seen a photographer in a TV show or Hollywood movie using his hands, each thumb extended, other fingers together, one hand thumb up the other thumb down, one hand above the other in front of his face to make a little framing rectangle? Much the same as using a cardboard cut-out.

07-22-2017, 12:24 PM - 2 Likes   #605
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I had a strange dream last night.


I was dreaming I was a muffler.


When I woke up this morning, I was exhausted.
07-22-2017, 02:42 PM - 9 Likes   #606
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Bill and his wife Blanche went to the state fair every year,

And every year Bill would say,

" Blanche, I'd like to ride in that helicopter "

Blanche always replied,

" I know, Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks,

And fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "

One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said,

" Blanche, I'm 75 years old.

If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance "

To this, Blanche replied,

" Bill that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks "

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

" Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!

But if you say one word it's fifty dollars. "

Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks,

But still not a word...

When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said,

" By golly , I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.

I'm impressed! "

Bill replied,


" Well, to tell you the truth

I almost said something when Blanche fell out,

But you know,

Fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "
07-22-2017, 04:40 PM - 1 Like   #607
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Modern tale of Pinocchio

It's told like this.

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07-23-2017, 06:13 PM - 2 Likes   #608
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A lawyer was driving to his suburban home in his fancy car, when he sees a man in a field along the road, eating grass.

He stops the car, gets out and asks the man why he is eating grass.The man replies "I am poor, and have no money for food".

The lawyer says, hmmm, hop in the car. We are going to my house.

The poor man then points to several people just a bit further in the field and says "but I have my wife and children there".

The lawyer then says "great, let's take everybody. The grass in my yard is two feet high!"

-----------------------------------------------------

In 1986, Dan Harrison was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Dan approached it very carefully.He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant"s foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Dan stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr. were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Dan, lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Dan couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Dan summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dans legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. Probably wasn't the same elephant!

--------------------------------------------------

Recently a man in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Renault van ran out of petrol.

When asked how he could devise such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

Last edited by bxf; 07-23-2017 at 06:51 PM.
07-24-2017, 03:53 AM   #609
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TRUE STORY:

A ski-mask wearing bank robber handed the teller a note, got the money, and escaped. The police arrested him in less than an hour at his home. He had written the note on his personal letterhead stationery.
07-24-2017, 05:31 AM - 1 Like   #610
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QuoteOriginally posted by WPRESTO Quote
TRUE STORY:

A ski-mask wearing bank robber handed the teller a note, got the money, and escaped. The police arrested him in less than an hour at his home. He had written the note on his personal letterhead stationery.

Or the guy that wrote a hold up note on a paper he handed to a convenience store teller. He had written it on the back of a job application, after he had filled it out.... with his name and address included.
07-27-2017, 02:50 AM - 3 Likes   #611
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In our local market, stalls sell almost every article, from clothing, books, vinyl records, video games and shoes - not to mention food.

There is one stall proudly advertising 'Cheese from Around the World', and indeed it is a colourful selection, of many different shapes and sizes. Just before Christmas last year, I enquired of the proprietor whether he had any cheese from the Holy Land. He said he hadn't - I was most disappointed not to be able to obtain Cheeses of Nazareth.
07-29-2017, 01:22 PM - 5 Likes   #612
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Some doctor on tv this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I'd started & hadn't finished, then I finished off a bottle of Vodka, a bodle of Baileys, a botle of wum, a pock of Prungles, an a boc a choclez. Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feeel now. Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov iennr peesss.
07-29-2017, 04:36 PM   #613
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QuoteOriginally posted by bertwert Quote
I saw that...
Just keep it to family friendly jokes and watch your language now... resist the mind control of Otis

There is water on Mars:
THIS ISN'T SOME JOKE WEBSITE! This is a photography website. So what camera and lens did you use? Your lighting seems rather poorly done. Must have started to cost too much. Is it the same lighting you use to read the notesby when you play that bag of cats thing of yours? I called them notes but they are more like tumble weeds caught on a barb wire fence and photographed with a canikon used on a Mars trip.

RONC

Last edited by rechmbrs; 07-29-2017 at 05:33 PM.
07-31-2017, 01:02 AM - 6 Likes   #614
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An elderly couple were at church, when the wife leans across to her husband and whispers " I've just let out a silent fart, what should I do? "


He replied " Change the battery in your hearing aid."

07-31-2017, 03:55 PM - 2 Likes   #615
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A fact known primarily by married men, and told at peril of life and limb, is that women snore too, and in a variety of ways: some thunderous, some wheezy, some with a bit of a whistle, some as if something is caught in their throat, some just a wispy "sssss" that annoys like a ticking watch on the bureau. Hence the wisdom that most men need wives of quiet respiration.
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