The Joke Thread

**clackers** · 06-07-2019, 03:19 AM - **6 Likes**

I talked for hours last night with an African girl in her native language. We just clicked.

Mateasi · 06-07-2019, 06:05 AM - **3 Likes**

Whats the best thing about Switzerland?
I dont know but the flag is a big plus.

**WPRESTO** · 06-07-2019, 06:21 AM - **6 Likes**

The minister was shy and quiet except during a service, when he was exuberant with a booming voice. It was his altar ego.

torashi · 06-07-2019, 07:01 AM - **5 Likes**

If anyone needs an ark, I happen to Noah guy.

torashi · 06-07-2019, 07:03 AM - **7 Likes**

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So each one goes into the woods, finds a bear, and attempts to convert it. Later, they all get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

**rechmbrs** · 06-07-2019, 01:48 PM

Originally posted by torashi

a priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So each one goes into the woods, finds a bear, and attempts to convert it. Later, they all get together. The priest begins: “when i found the bear, i read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first communion.”

“i found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached god’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

they both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “looking back,” he says, “maybe i shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

Amen!

robtcorl · 06-07-2019, 02:44 PM - **5 Likes**

Circumcision jokes aren't funny.
Cut it out!

Racer X 69 · 06-07-2019, 04:03 PM - **5 Likes**

Originally posted by robtcorl

Circumcision jokes aren't funny.
Cut it out!

Reminds me of a Saturday Night Live skit. They parodied the Lincoln Mercury commercial touting the ride as so smooth a jeweler cleaved a diamond in the back seat while the car was motoring along.

In the SNL skit it was a rabbi performing a circumcision.

MarkJerling · 06-07-2019, 09:02 PM - **6 Likes**

Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $500 a week. Why?"

The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, handed the guy $2,000 in cash, and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goofball did here?"

From across the room a voice said,"Pizza delivery guy from Domino's!"

MarkJerling · 06-07-2019, 09:03 PM - **5 Likes**

The General Manager of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from University and I need some
help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my
earrings.'

MarkJerling · 06-07-2019, 09:03 PM - **5 Likes**

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog Skipper had recently died.

"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in
Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."

Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

MarkJerling · 06-07-2019, 09:03 PM - **3 Likes**

A Sunday school teacher asked, 'Johnny, do you think Noah did
a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?'

'No,' replied Johnny. 'How could he, with just two worms.'

MarkJerling · 06-07-2019, 09:04 PM - **8 Likes**

A man goes to the doctor with a bit of lettuce hanging from his backside.
The doctor says " What on earth is this piece of lettuce doing sticking out of your butt!?
The patient says " Well Doctor, that is just the tip of the Iceberg."

Racer X 69 · 06-08-2019, 08:42 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by MarkJerling

A man goes to the doctor with a bit of lettuce hanging from his backside.
The doctor says " What on earth is this piece of lettuce doing sticking out of your butt!?
The patient says " Well Doctor, that is just the tip of the Iceberg."

The guy must be a lettuce farmer.

Racer X 69 · 06-08-2019, 08:47 AM - **6 Likes**

Shortly after teeing off on the first link, a young lady came rushing into the pro shop, flushed and obviously in a bit of distress.

"What seems to be the trouble, miss?", asked the pro.

"I've just been stung by a bee!", the woman gushed.

"Where at?, asked the gentleman.

"About halfway between the first and second holes", came the reply.

"Hmmm . . . . . . . ", he mused, "Sounds like your stance is a bit too wide."

06-07-2019, 06:05 AM - 3 Likes	#1412
Mateasi New Member Join Date: Jun 2019 Posts: 9	joke Whats the best thing about Switzerland? I dont know but the flag is a big plus.

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06-07-2019, 03:19 AM - 6 Likes	#1411
clackers Otis Memorial Pentaxian Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Melbourne Photos: Albums Posts: 16,397	I talked for hours last night with an African girl in her native language. We just clicked.

06-07-2019, 06:21 AM - 6 Likes	#1413
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,094	The minister was shy and quiet except during a service, when he was exuberant with a booming voice. It was his altar ego.

06-07-2019, 07:01 AM - 5 Likes	#1414
torashi Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Medellín Posts: 1,322	If anyone needs an ark, I happen to Noah guy.

06-07-2019, 07:03 AM - 7 Likes	#1415
torashi Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Medellín Posts: 1,322	A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So each one goes into the woods, finds a bear, and attempts to convert it. Later, they all get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion.” “I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.” They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

06-07-2019, 01:48 PM	#1416
rechmbrs Site Supporter Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Conroe, TX USA Posts: 423	Originally posted by torashi a priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So each one goes into the woods, finds a bear, and attempts to convert it. Later, they all get together. The priest begins: “when i found the bear, i read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first communion.” “i found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached god’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.” they both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “looking back,” he says, “maybe i shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.” Amen!

06-07-2019, 02:44 PM - 5 Likes	#1417
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	Circumcision jokes aren't funny. Cut it out!

06-07-2019, 04:03 PM - 5 Likes	#1418
Racer X 69 Moderator Man With A Camera Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: The Great Pacific Northwet, in the Land Between Canada and Mexico Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 28,064	Originally posted by robtcorl Circumcision jokes aren't funny. Cut it out! Reminds me of a Saturday Night Live skit. They parodied the Lincoln Mercury commercial touting the ride as so smooth a jeweler cleaved a diamond in the back seat while the car was motoring along. In the SNL skit it was a rabbi performing a circumcision.

06-07-2019, 09:02 PM - 6 Likes	#1419
MarkJerling Moderator Site Supporter Join Date: May 2012 Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 20,402	Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $500 a week. Why?" The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, handed the guy $2,000 in cash, and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back." Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goofball did here?" From across the room a voice said,"Pizza delivery guy from Domino's!"

06-07-2019, 09:03 PM - 5 Likes	#1420
MarkJerling Moderator Site Supporter Join Date: May 2012 Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 20,402	The General Manager of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from University and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?' The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.'

06-07-2019, 09:03 PM - 5 Likes	#1421
MarkJerling Moderator Site Supporter Join Date: May 2012 Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 20,402	Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog Skipper had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

06-07-2019, 09:03 PM - 3 Likes	#1422
MarkJerling Moderator Site Supporter Join Date: May 2012 Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 20,402	A Sunday school teacher asked, 'Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?' 'No,' replied Johnny. 'How could he, with just two worms.'

06-07-2019, 09:04 PM - 8 Likes	#1423
MarkJerling Moderator Site Supporter Join Date: May 2012 Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 20,402	A man goes to the doctor with a bit of lettuce hanging from his backside. The doctor says " What on earth is this piece of lettuce doing sticking out of your butt!? The patient says " Well Doctor, that is just the tip of the Iceberg."

06-08-2019, 08:42 AM - 1 Like	#1424
Racer X 69 Moderator Man With A Camera Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: The Great Pacific Northwet, in the Land Between Canada and Mexico Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 28,064	Originally posted by MarkJerling A man goes to the doctor with a bit of lettuce hanging from his backside. The doctor says " What on earth is this piece of lettuce doing sticking out of your butt!? The patient says " Well Doctor, that is just the tip of the Iceberg." The guy must be a lettuce farmer.

06-08-2019, 08:47 AM - 6 Likes	#1425
Racer X 69 Moderator Man With A Camera Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: The Great Pacific Northwet, in the Land Between Canada and Mexico Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 28,064	Shortly after teeing off on the first link, a young lady came rushing into the pro shop, flushed and obviously in a bit of distress. "What seems to be the trouble, miss?", asked the pro. "I've just been stung by a bee!", the woman gushed. "Where at?, asked the gentleman. "About halfway between the first and second holes", came the reply. "Hmmm . . . . . . . ", he mused, "Sounds like your stance is a bit too wide."

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