[ivanvernon]

QUES.: Do you live in the state of Maine?

ANS.: No.

QUES: Do you grow potatoes in the state of Maine?

ANS.: No.

QUES.: Do you use commercial fertilizer in growing potatoes in the state of Maine?

ANS.: No.

QUES.: Thank you for your participation sir. Your participation in this important survey will provide valuable information to assist Maine potato growers in improving their potato crops.

[Liney]

Talking of team names, we had a little office group that entered the local pub quiz, and the name was Whale Oil Beef Hooked.

Try saying it quickly......

[WPRESTO]

There were just too many people out to watch the eclipse, so I came back same time next day and it was much easier to see the sun.

[ChristianRock]

Speaking of the Eclipse...

What’s the most famous painting of an eclipse? (The Moona Lisa!)
What did the sun bring to the solar eclipse party? (A light snack!)
How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (Eclipse it!)
What did the sun say when it reappeared after an eclipse? (Pleased to heat you again!)
What kind of underwear should you wear during an eclipse? (Fruit of the Moon!)
How do you organize a solar eclipse party? (You planet!)
Why didn’t the sun go to college? (It already had a million degrees!)
Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? (Great food, but no atmosphere!)
Why did the teacher bring solar eclipse glasses to school? (She had bright students!)

[35mmfilmfan]

I live in Norwich, UK - one of our quiz teams is Norfolk and Good.

[audiobomber]

I live in Norwich, UK - one of our quiz teams is Norfolk and Good.

That's Sofa King funny!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2108085/Sofa-King-advert-banned-8-ye...omplaints.html

[MarkJerling]

A man on his Harley was riding along a The Great Ocean Road, south of Melbourne when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to King Island and from there to Tasmania so I can ride over anytime I want."

God replied, "Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of Bass Strait and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."

The biker thought about it for a bit. Finally, he said, "God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

God replied: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

[Unregistered User 8]

One of the only good things about having a dyslexic father was that after catching me swearing, he would wash my mouth out with soup.

[35mmfilmfan]

I was on a bus the other day, meandering through the beautiful North Norfolk country lanes. The sky was blue, with whispy clouds, skylarks sang, the sun shone, Woodpigeons gleaned grain from the recently harvested fields, and I felt at peace.

Behind me were seated two ladies, possibly slightly older than I, who were enjoying a deep and meaningless casual conversation, as people do. After a while, the bus passed a large graveyard, immaculately maintained, the gravestones standing upright with military precision, each row and column geometrically spaced, giving a vista of well-tended order - it really showed the meaning of the word symmetry.

The ladies saw it too, and one remarked to the other 'I don't want to be buried there'.

'Why not ?' enquired her friend.

'Because I'm not dead yet.'

[Unregistered User 8]

My brothers girlfriend told him that having a small " male appendage " shouldn't stop them from having an enjoyable sexual relationship.


He agreed, but told her that he would prefer if she didn't have one.

[normhead]

My brothers girlfriend told him that having a small " male appendage " shouldn't stop them from having an enjoyable sexual relationship.


He agreed, but told her that he would prefer if she didn't have one.

He's just way too picky,

[clackers]

Did you hear about those two guys who stole a calendar? They each got six months.

[Digitalis]

A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital.
He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff.

None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him.
She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

"No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer."

This started another round of complaining but eventually he rolled over and bared his
behind.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce,

"I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She left the door to his room open on her way out.

He cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door, laughing.....

After about 20 minutes, the man's Doctor came into the room.
"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc?
Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

After a pause, the doctor confessed.....
"Not with a Daffodil."

[rechmbrs]

A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital.
He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff.

None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him.
She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

"No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer."

This started another round of complaining but eventually he rolled over and bared his
behind.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce,

"I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"

She left the door to his room open on her way out.

He cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door, laughing.....

After about 20 minutes, the man's Doctor came into the room.
"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc?
Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

After a pause, the doctor confessed.....
"Not with a Daffodil."

This was the last scene in the "Carry on Nurse" movie and it was a Daffodil. One of the funnest series "Carry on XXXXX" of movies (1950-60s) ever in my opinion . Monte Python type.

RONC

[jeallen01]

The Head Nurse was a lady named Hattie Jacques - one of that time's greatest comediennes - RIP