[Unregistered User 8]

"I'll try it - Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!"

I'd give you 2 " likes " for this one if I could Mark.

[bxf]

[Unregistered User 8]

Mother - " Jimmy, why don't you play tennis with Simon anymore? "


Jimmy - " Would you play with somebody that continually lies about the score? "


Mother - " I would NEVER want to play with a cheat."


Jimmy - " Well, neither does Simon."

[Unregistered User 8]

A 59 year old woman suffered a major heart attack, and was rushed straight to the operating theatre on arrival at the hospital.
During the surgery, she had a near death experience, left her body, and went to heaven.
As usual, God was welcoming all new arrivals, but the woman was not in a " welcoming " mood.
" is that it? " she said abruptly, " Is that my lot? "
" No, no, not at all. You are going back after they revive you. You still have another 33 years, 5 months and 4 days left." he said with a smile.
The woman WAS revived, remembered what God said about the extra time, and decided to make the most of her remaining 33 years.
Nothing was spared. A face lift, tummy tuck, nose job, breast enhancement, laser eye treatment and some dental work.
On leaving the hospital after the last of her procedures, she stepped into traffic and was hit and killed by a bus.
" I thought you said I had 33 years left !! " she inquired from God at heavens newcomer welcoming ceremony.
God looked at her with a puzzled expression, then replied " Oh, I didn't recognize you."

[MarkJerling]

Three ladies are playing the fourth hole at a private golf club, when a naked man wearing a paper bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green.

The three ladies stand in awe at how well endowed he is.

The first lady says. 'He is definitely not my husband.'

The second lady gazes at his man bits and says. 'He's not my husband either!'

After a prolonged stare, the third lady says. 'He's not even a member of this club.'

[MarkJerling]

A lawyer meets with the family of a recently deceased millionaire for the reading of the will.

'To my loving wife, Rose, who always stood by me, I leave the house and $2 million,' the attorney reads.
'To my darling daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million.'
.......'And finally,' the lawyer concludes, 'to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and who thought I would never mention him in my Will:

….Well, you were wrong. Hi Dan!'

[clackers]

Q. What's 50 Cent's name in Zimbabwe?

A: Four Hundred Million Dollars.

[bigdavephoto]

What has six wheels and flies?








A garbage Truck.

[serothis]

Q: What's the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on unicycle?



A: Attire

[ffking]

Q. What's 50 Cent's name in Zimbabwe?

A: Four Hundred Million Dollars.

sorry, this is meant to be a joke thread ()

I've often thought it would be a good quiz question - which country has per capita the most billionaires?

[bxf]

Apparently you can't use "beefstew" as a password.

It's not stroganoff.

[WPRESTO]

sorry, this is meant to be a joke thread ()

I've often thought it would be a good quiz question - which country has per capita the most billionaires?

Monaco - not often thought of as a country. It's little else but a playground for the wealthy and those that provide them services.

[MarkJerling]

A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had been in his car.

"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.

A minute or two later, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line.

"Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

[Unregistered User 8]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: " Ugh, in all my years of driving, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."


The woman makes her way to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.


She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me, I should go and give him a piece of my mind."


The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

[MarkJerling]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: " Ugh, in all my years of driving, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
The woman makes her way to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me, I should go and give him a piece of my mind."
The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."