[bxf]

[WPRESTO]

My "GF" or BFFL has a memory akin to "The Cloud."

[Unregistered User 8]

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?








Because they taste funny.

[bertwert]

What do you call a bear with no teeth?
.
.
.
.
.
A gummy bear!

[robtcorl]

When I was a young boy I got caught peeing in the swimming pool.
The life guard yelled at me so loud I nearly fell in.

[robtcorl]

I was telling a woman at a party the other night about my ability to guess what day a woman was born
just by feeling her breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."

[clackers]

A man worked for the post office processing all the mail with illegible addresses. One day he came across a letter addressed to God.

It read: "Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow and yesterday someone stole my purse with $100 in it - all the money I had until my next pension payment. Sunday is Christmas and without that money I have nothing to buy food with. You are my only hope. Sincerely, Edna"

The postal worker was touched and showed the letter to his colleagues who all contributed a few dollars. By the time he'd done the rounds he had $96, which they sent to Edna.

A few days later, another letter came from the same lady.

It read: "Dear God. How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those pr***s at the post office."

[robtcorl]

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates.
So he gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new Pentax K-1 II, some gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much..
Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000.
She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.

(I'm pretty sure Rupert would have liked this one)

[jeallen01]

A man wanted to get married.....

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.
..
(I'm pretty sure Rupert would have liked this one)

So, WHICH one was that?

[bigdavephoto]

I'm not going through 53 pages to see if this has been posted. If it has been, sorry for the repeat.

Anyways;


An elderly American had flown into Paris and was having trouble finding his passport and visa to show the agent working the
customs counter. The agent, who was starting to get a little agitated at the older gentlemen finally asked him in a very tart voice; "Have you been to France before?"

"Yes I have." Replied the older man "The last time I was here, I didn't need all this stupid paperwork."

"What are you talking about?" Asked the agent, who continued, "Everybody who flies into France has to show their Passport and visa to enter. Since you have been here before, you should know this!"

The older man looked at the agent right in the eye and said; "Well, the last time I was here, I came through Normandy in June of 1944 and I couldn't find a damn Frenchman to show my passport to."

[MarkJerling]

A few short jokes:

Pharmacist to customer: “Madam, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription
... Simply showing marriage certificate and husband’s picture is not enough."


A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman – “Which book has helped you most in your life?”
The woman replied, “My husband’s cheque book !!”


A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called, ’Husband – the Master of the House?’"
Sales girl: “Sir, fiction and comics are on the 1st floor!”


Someone asked an old man: “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife – darling and honey. What’s the secret?"
Old man: “I forgot her name and I’m too scared to ask her."

[robtcorl]

[Parallax]

I'd give you 2 " likes " for this one if I could Mark.

So would I.

[MarkJerling]

During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?"
He replied, "I doubt it some how. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

[rechmbrs]

And she didn’t even notice it was in her favorite/favourite color/colour!


RONC