The Joke Thread

**gaweidert** · 04-25-2018, 04:27 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by bertwert

I have proof that zero is equal to one
.
.
.
.
.
cos 0 = 1

Yeah, but the arc cosine of 1=0. So does log 1. I'll stop here because I am getting nothing out of this.

bxf · 04-25-2018, 11:02 AM

Originally posted by gaweidert

...I am getting nothing out of this

That's probably a good sign that there's still hope...

serothis · 04-26-2018, 07:55 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by bxf

That's probably a good ~~sign~~ sine that there's still hope...

fixed.

**ivanvernon** · 04-26-2018, 09:25 AM

I like pouring mushy cement into forms, but I prefer something more concrete.

bertwert · 04-26-2018, 09:30 AM

If commit 90 crimes you only get caught 45 times, because...
sin 90 = cot 45

**WPRESTO** · 04-26-2018, 09:56 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by bertwert

If commit 90 crimes you only get caught 45 times, because...
sin 90 = cot 45

To be a successful criminal, you must know all the angles.

serothis · 04-29-2018, 08:58 PM

Originally posted by WPRESTO

To be a successful criminal, you must know all the angles.

And never be obtuse.

**Tonytee** · 04-29-2018, 10:34 PM

Just remember that the square of the Hypotenuse is equal to the square of the other two sides. I should know, I invented it. RE: Rocky Balboa. Yo.

Tonytee

bertwert · 05-01-2018, 11:48 AM - **7 Likes**

MarkJerling · 05-01-2018, 03:15 PM - **9 Likes**

**clackers** · 05-01-2018, 06:36 PM - **11 Likes**

A woman was sitting with her husband on the deck, sipping a glass of wine.

'I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you,' she says.

Her husband asks, 'Is that you or the wine talking?'

'It's me,' she replies, 'talking to the wine.'

**rod_grant** · 05-04-2018, 03:44 AM - **5 Likes**

What do you call a pig that has lost its voice?

Disgruntled.

Liney · 05-08-2018, 04:02 AM - **4 Likes**

Less of a joke, more a story from a mate "who was there".

Two Brits are in the US on business and decided to pop into a local watering hole and sample the wares. As appears to happen, their British accents attracted the attention of a couple of the ladies in the bar, much to the dismay of a couple of local blokes. After 10 minutes or so one local bloke decided to show his displeasure, so he shouts across to the Brits "Hey, youse guys, how come they call you limeys"? The bar goes quiet, until one of the Brits pipes up "Good question, actually it goes back to the days of sailing ships where the sailors had very poor diets. They found that a lot of sailors were getting sick from scurvy, and the cure for this was to have a daily ration of vitamin C. Now the Admiralty did some research and concluded that the best fruit for this was the lime, so every where the Royal Navy went they took along stocks of limes. Hence the British sailors were always known as Limeys".

The ladies clustered round the Brits were very impressed with this, while the local blokes were a bit put out at having been outsmarted. It would have ended there had the other Brit, a Geordie, not shouted across to the locals "So why is it they call you guys mother fu...."?

Unregistered User 8 · 05-11-2018, 09:17 PM - **6 Likes**

Sports news - 7 wheelchair athletes banned from the Paralympics after testing positive for WD-40.

bxf · 05-12-2018, 03:13 AM - **3 Likes**

Joseph gets off the bus in a part of town that has several pawn shops and similar establishments, and sees one shop with many watches in the window. This reminds him that his watch needs some adjustment, so he goes into that shop and sees a little old man sitting there reading a Yiddish newspaper.

Joseph asks the old man if he can examine his watch, but the man replies "sorry, I do not repair vatches". Joseph is puzzled and asks "oh, so what is it that you do?". The old man replies "I am a a mohel* ". Joseph then asks "so why all the watches in the window?", and the old man says "so vat do you think I should put in the vindow?"

*Mohel - a jew trained in performing circumcisions

04-26-2018, 09:25 AM	#814
ivanvernon Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: Medina, OH Photos: Albums Posts: 7,224	Joke I like pouring mushy cement into forms, but I prefer something more concrete.

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04-25-2018, 04:27 AM - 1 Like	#811
gaweidert Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: Rochester, NY Photos: Gallery Posts: 5,327	Originally posted by bertwert I have proof that zero is equal to one . . . . . cos 0 = 1 Yeah, but the arc cosine of 1=0. So does log 1. I'll stop here because I am getting nothing out of this.

04-25-2018, 11:02 AM	#812
bxf Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Lisbon area Posts: 1,660	Originally posted by gaweidert ...I am getting nothing out of this That's probably a good sign that there's still hope...

04-26-2018, 07:55 AM - 1 Like	#813
serothis Veteran Member Join Date: May 2016 Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 538	Originally posted by bxf That's probably a good ~~sign~~ sine that there's still hope... fixed.

04-26-2018, 09:30 AM	#815
bertwert Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Golden, BC Posts: 15,172 Original Poster	If commit 90 crimes you only get caught 45 times, because... sin 90 = cot 45

04-26-2018, 09:56 AM - 1 Like	#816
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,138	Originally posted by bertwert If commit 90 crimes you only get caught 45 times, because... sin 90 = cot 45 To be a successful criminal, you must know all the angles.

04-29-2018, 08:58 PM	#817
serothis Veteran Member Join Date: May 2016 Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 538	Originally posted by WPRESTO To be a successful criminal, you must know all the angles. And never be obtuse.

04-29-2018, 10:34 PM	#818
Tonytee Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Jul 2012 Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 21,530	Just remember that the square of the Hypotenuse is equal to the square of the other two sides. I should know, I invented it. RE: Rocky Balboa. Yo. Tonytee

05-01-2018, 11:48 AM - 7 Likes	#819
bertwert Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Golden, BC Posts: 15,172 Original Poster

05-01-2018, 03:15 PM - 9 Likes	#820
MarkJerling Moderator Site Supporter Join Date: May 2012 Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 20,422

05-01-2018, 06:36 PM - 11 Likes	#821
clackers Otis Memorial Pentaxian Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Melbourne Photos: Albums Posts: 16,397	A woman was sitting with her husband on the deck, sipping a glass of wine. 'I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you,' she says. Her husband asks, 'Is that you or the wine talking?' 'It's me,' she replies, 'talking to the wine.'

05-04-2018, 03:44 AM - 5 Likes	#822
rod_grant Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Wangaratta, Victoria Photos: Gallery Posts: 6,951	What do you call a pig that has lost its voice? Disgruntled.

05-08-2018, 04:02 AM - 4 Likes	#823
Liney Veteran Member Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 1,237	Less of a joke, more a story from a mate "who was there". Two Brits are in the US on business and decided to pop into a local watering hole and sample the wares. As appears to happen, their British accents attracted the attention of a couple of the ladies in the bar, much to the dismay of a couple of local blokes. After 10 minutes or so one local bloke decided to show his displeasure, so he shouts across to the Brits "Hey, youse guys, how come they call you limeys"? The bar goes quiet, until one of the Brits pipes up "Good question, actually it goes back to the days of sailing ships where the sailors had very poor diets. They found that a lot of sailors were getting sick from scurvy, and the cure for this was to have a daily ration of vitamin C. Now the Admiralty did some research and concluded that the best fruit for this was the lime, so every where the Royal Navy went they took along stocks of limes. Hence the British sailors were always known as Limeys". The ladies clustered round the Brits were very impressed with this, while the local blokes were a bit put out at having been outsmarted. It would have ended there had the other Brit, a Geordie, not shouted across to the locals "So why is it they call you guys mother fu...."?

05-11-2018, 09:17 PM - 6 Likes	#824
Unregistered User 8 Closed Account Join Date: Mar 2015 Photos: Gallery Posts: 8,694	Sports news - 7 wheelchair athletes banned from the Paralympics after testing positive for WD-40.

05-12-2018, 03:13 AM - 3 Likes	#825
bxf Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Lisbon area Posts: 1,660	Joseph gets off the bus in a part of town that has several pawn shops and similar establishments, and sees one shop with many watches in the window. This reminds him that his watch needs some adjustment, so he goes into that shop and sees a little old man sitting there reading a Yiddish newspaper. Joseph asks the old man if he can examine his watch, but the man replies "sorry, I do not repair vatches". Joseph is puzzled and asks "oh, so what is it that you do?". The old man replies "I am a a mohel* ". Joseph then asks "so why all the watches in the window?", and the old man says "so vat do you think I should put in the vindow?" *Mohel - a jew trained in performing circumcisions