The Joke Thread

bxf · 08-28-2018, 02:17 PM - **6 Likes**

A guy just got out of his van and retrieved a large grandfather clock that he intends to carry to his new apartment. Just as he is carrying the clock, a drunk stumbles out of a pub and collides with the man and his clock. The man is lying on the sidewalk, with the clock on top of him.

The man yells at the drunk "why don't you watch where you're going?", to which the drunk replies "why don't you ushe a wrishwash like everybody elshe?"

**blues_hawk** · 08-28-2018, 02:24 PM

Originally posted by bxf

A guy just got out of his van and retrieved a large grandfather clock that he intends to carry to his new apartment. Just as he is carrying the clock, a drunk stumbles out of a pub and collides with the man and his clock. The man is lying on the sidewalk, with the clock on top of him.

The man yells at the drunk "why don't you watch where you're going?", to which the drunk replies "why don't you ushe a wrishwash like everybody elshe?"

badumpbump tch.

---------- Post added 08-28-18 at 02:28 PM ----------

Originally posted by Jim Dandy

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a grape?

elephant grape sine theta.

What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a mountain?

Nothing, the mountain climber is a scalar.

Sorry, sorry - the only way I could remember cross products from dot products in physics class.

---------- Post added 08-26-18 at 08:07 ----------

A bunch of photographers signed up for one of those weekend seminars you see in the back of the photo magazines. They were taking the train to Napa for wine tasting and advanced ND filter use for nighttime landscapes. Three Pentaxians went to the station ticket window but bought only one ticket. The three Canikon users (one Mk5, a D750 and a 7200) behind them each bought a ticket and then asked the Pentaxians why they only had one ticket. "Wait and see," was the answer.

When the two groups boarded the train, the 3 Pentaxians jammed themselves into the bathroom while the Canikons took seats. When the conductor came around to check tickets, he knocked on the bathroom door and said, "Ticket please." The door opened a crack and one hand poked out with a ticket. The conductor took the ticket and moved on. The Pentaxians came out and took seats.

At the end of the weekend outing, the two groups were headed to the train station and the Canikons decided they would use the same stunt to save some money so they could buy logo'd Canikon softgoods from ebay. They bought one ticket but noticed the Pentaxians did not buy any. "Why didn't you buy any tickets," they asked. "Wait and see," was the answer. They all boarded the train and the Canikons jammed into one bathroom with the Pentaxians in the other. As soon as the train started moving, one of the Pentaxians slipped out of their bathroom, knocked on the other door and said, "Ticket please."

Hilarious!

Jim Dandy · 08-28-2018, 08:56 PM - **2 Likes**

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by Adam West.

lotech · 08-28-2018, 09:14 PM

Photography with Pentax is a hobby that make people younger every day, so that we go from K7 to K1, and thanks God we skipped K9, that's not funny I know

jeallen01 · 08-29-2018, 12:13 AM

Originally posted by Jim Dandy

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by Adam West.

????????

Kunzite · 08-29-2018, 02:59 AM

Originally posted by jeallen01

????????

The Batman Theme Song - YouTube

bxf · 08-29-2018, 07:29 AM - **5 Likes**

bxf · 08-29-2018, 12:23 PM

Originally posted by jeallen01

????????

Originally posted by Kunzite

The Batman Theme Song - YouTube

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Batman!

(Na is chemical symbol for sodium; Adam West played TV's Batman).

**WPRESTO** · 08-29-2018, 12:30 PM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by bxf

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Batman!

(Na is chemical symbol for sodium; Adam West played TV's Batman).

They just don't write lyrics that way any more.

robtcorl · 08-29-2018, 01:46 PM - **12 Likes**

Had my yearly checkup the other day, the doctor said "Don't eat anything fatty."
"I said like bacon and burgers?"
He said "No fatty, don't eat anything."

bxf · 08-29-2018, 03:03 PM - **6 Likes**

If you've ever caught yourself constructing a dream to fit some external event while you're sleeping, the following will make sense.

Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates where St.Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Ralph."Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!" St. Peter said, "I"m sorry, but there"s only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken". Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?" "Not bad," replied Ralph the hen, "but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!" "You"re ovulating", explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before". "Never," said Ralph. "Well, just relax and let it happen", says the rooster. "It"s no big deal.". Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout, "Dammit, Ralph! Wake up. You're shitting in the bed!"

MarkJerling · 08-29-2018, 08:37 PM

Originally posted by bxf

If you've ever caught yourself constructing a dream to fit some external event while you're sleeping, the following will make sense.

Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates where St.Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Ralph."Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!" St. Peter said, "I"m sorry, but there"s only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken". Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?" "Not bad," replied Ralph the hen, "but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!" "You"re ovulating", explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before". "Never," said Ralph. "Well, just relax and let it happen", says the rooster. "It"s no big deal.". Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout, "Dammit, Ralph! Wake up. You're shitting in the bed!"

Oh man, that's funny. I'd give you fourteen likes if I could!

bxf · 08-30-2018, 12:09 PM - **4 Likes**

A little girl asked her father, "Where did people come from?" The father answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind created." Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question. The mother answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

The confused girl returned to her father and said, "Dad how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and mommy said they developed from monkeys?" The father answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your mother told you about hers."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

When I look at the moon, I see you, When I look at the stars, I see you, When I look at the sea, I see you, Move out my freaking way you fat b***h!

Jim Dandy · 08-30-2018, 07:36 PM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by robtcorl

Had my yearly checkup the other day, the doctor said "Don't eat anything fatty."
"I said like bacon and burgers?"
He said "No fatty, don't eat anything."

Went in for my annual physical recently also. The doctor said he was going to do a full workup and needed a stool sample, urine, blood, and semen. I gave him my underwear.

**blues_hawk** · 08-30-2018, 07:56 PM

Originally posted by lotech

Photography with Pentax is a hobby that make people younger every day, so that we go from K7 to K1, and thanks God we skipped K9, that's not funny I know

A world without K9 is a world not protected from flying robot parrots!

08-29-2018, 12:23 PM	#1073
bxf Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Lisbon area Posts: 1,660	Originally posted by jeallen01 ???????? Originally posted by Kunzite The Batman Theme Song - YouTube Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Batman! (Na is chemical symbol for sodium; Adam West played TV's Batman). Last edited by bxf; 08-29-2018 at 12:28 PM.

08-29-2018, 03:03 PM - 6 Likes	#1076
bxf Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Lisbon area Posts: 1,660	If you've ever caught yourself constructing a dream to fit some external event while you're sleeping, the following will make sense. Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates where St.Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Ralph."Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!" St. Peter said, "I"m sorry, but there"s only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken". Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?" "Not bad," replied Ralph the hen, "but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!" "You"re ovulating", explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before". "Never," said Ralph. "Well, just relax and let it happen", says the rooster. "It"s no big deal.". Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout, "Dammit, Ralph! Wake up. You're shitting in the bed!" Last edited by bxf; 08-30-2018 at 04:05 AM.

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Where is the annual Pentax FF April fool joke?	LFLee	Pentax Full Frame	27	04-04-2014 03:48 AM
Misc Batman : The Killing Joke	6BQ5	Post Your Photos!	7	02-24-2014 01:58 PM
Joke Thread!	Gooshin	General Talk	327	10-23-2012 08:59 PM
Political Joke Thread	Parallax	General Talk	42	04-20-2012 06:42 AM

08-28-2018, 02:17 PM - 6 Likes	#1066
bxf Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Lisbon area Posts: 1,660	A guy just got out of his van and retrieved a large grandfather clock that he intends to carry to his new apartment. Just as he is carrying the clock, a drunk stumbles out of a pub and collides with the man and his clock. The man is lying on the sidewalk, with the clock on top of him. The man yells at the drunk "why don't you watch where you're going?", to which the drunk replies "why don't you ushe a wrishwash like everybody elshe?"

08-28-2018, 02:24 PM	#1067
blues_hawk Site Supporter Join Date: Jul 2016 Location: Patrick Co. Virginia Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 1,534	Originally posted by bxf A guy just got out of his van and retrieved a large grandfather clock that he intends to carry to his new apartment. Just as he is carrying the clock, a drunk stumbles out of a pub and collides with the man and his clock. The man is lying on the sidewalk, with the clock on top of him. The man yells at the drunk "why don't you watch where you're going?", to which the drunk replies "why don't you ushe a wrishwash like everybody elshe?" badumpbump tch. ---------- Post added 08-28-18 at 02:28 PM ---------- Originally posted by Jim Dandy What do you get when you cross an elephant with a grape? elephant grape sine theta. What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a mountain? Nothing, the mountain climber is a scalar. Sorry, sorry - the only way I could remember cross products from dot products in physics class. ---------- Post added 08-26-18 at 08:07 ---------- A bunch of photographers signed up for one of those weekend seminars you see in the back of the photo magazines. They were taking the train to Napa for wine tasting and advanced ND filter use for nighttime landscapes. Three Pentaxians went to the station ticket window but bought only one ticket. The three Canikon users (one Mk5, a D750 and a 7200) behind them each bought a ticket and then asked the Pentaxians why they only had one ticket. "Wait and see," was the answer. When the two groups boarded the train, the 3 Pentaxians jammed themselves into the bathroom while the Canikons took seats. When the conductor came around to check tickets, he knocked on the bathroom door and said, "Ticket please." The door opened a crack and one hand poked out with a ticket. The conductor took the ticket and moved on. The Pentaxians came out and took seats. At the end of the weekend outing, the two groups were headed to the train station and the Canikons decided they would use the same stunt to save some money so they could buy logo'd Canikon softgoods from ebay. They bought one ticket but noticed the Pentaxians did not buy any. "Why didn't you buy any tickets," they asked. "Wait and see," was the answer. They all boarded the train and the Canikons jammed into one bathroom with the Pentaxians in the other. As soon as the train started moving, one of the Pentaxians slipped out of their bathroom, knocked on the other door and said, "Ticket please." Hilarious!

08-28-2018, 08:56 PM - 2 Likes	#1068
Jim Dandy Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2018 Location: Central Oregon Photos: Gallery Posts: 137	Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by Adam West.

08-28-2018, 09:14 PM	#1069
lotech Pentaxian Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 1,312	Photography with Pentax is a hobby that make people younger every day, so that we go from K7 to K1, and thanks God we skipped K9, that's not funny I know

08-29-2018, 12:13 AM	#1070
jeallen01 Pentaxian Join Date: May 2008 Location: London, UK Posts: 1,697	Originally posted by Jim Dandy Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar, followed by Adam West. ????????

08-29-2018, 02:59 AM	#1071
Kunzite Pentaxian Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Romania Posts: 15,132	Originally posted by jeallen01 ???????? The Batman Theme Song - YouTube

08-29-2018, 07:29 AM - 5 Likes	#1072
bxf Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Lisbon area Posts: 1,660

08-29-2018, 12:30 PM - 2 Likes	#1074
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,104	Originally posted by bxf Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Batman! (Na is chemical symbol for sodium; Adam West played TV's Batman). They just don't write lyrics that way any more.

08-29-2018, 01:46 PM - 12 Likes	#1075
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	Had my yearly checkup the other day, the doctor said "Don't eat anything fatty." "I said like bacon and burgers?" He said "No fatty, don't eat anything."

08-29-2018, 08:37 PM	#1077
MarkJerling Moderator Site Supporter Join Date: May 2012 Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 20,406	Originally posted by bxf If you've ever caught yourself constructing a dream to fit some external event while you're sleeping, the following will make sense. Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates where St.Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Ralph."Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!" St. Peter said, "I"m sorry, but there"s only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken". Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?" "Not bad," replied Ralph the hen, "but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!" "You"re ovulating", explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before". "Never," said Ralph. "Well, just relax and let it happen", says the rooster. "It"s no big deal.". Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming. As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout, "Dammit, Ralph! Wake up. You're shitting in the bed!" Oh man, that's funny. I'd give you fourteen likes if I could!

08-30-2018, 12:09 PM - 4 Likes	#1078
bxf Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Lisbon area Posts: 1,660	A little girl asked her father, "Where did people come from?" The father answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind created." Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question. The mother answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her father and said, "Dad how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and mommy said they developed from monkeys?" The father answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your mother told you about hers." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - When I look at the moon, I see you, When I look at the stars, I see you, When I look at the sea, I see you, Move out my freaking way you fat b***h!

08-30-2018, 07:36 PM - 1 Like	#1079
Jim Dandy Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2018 Location: Central Oregon Photos: Gallery Posts: 137	Originally posted by robtcorl Had my yearly checkup the other day, the doctor said "Don't eat anything fatty." "I said like bacon and burgers?" He said "No fatty, don't eat anything." Went in for my annual physical recently also. The doctor said he was going to do a full workup and needed a stool sample, urine, blood, and semen. I gave him my underwear.

08-30-2018, 07:56 PM	#1080
blues_hawk Site Supporter Join Date: Jul 2016 Location: Patrick Co. Virginia Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 1,534	Originally posted by lotech Photography with Pentax is a hobby that make people younger every day, so that we go from K7 to K1, and thanks God we skipped K9, that's not funny I know A world without K9 is a world not protected from flying robot parrots!