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10-13-2018, 10:17 PM - 7 Likes   #1156
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My uncle wants a dog, and is thinking about getting a labrador.

I thought to myself that he must be going mad.

Hasn't he seen how many of their owners go blind?

10-14-2018, 03:07 AM   #1157
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QuoteOriginally posted by pjv Quote
A friend of mine owns a bonsai shop that is doing really well financially.

In fact, it is so successful, he is thinking of moving to smaller premises.

Excellent. Thanks so much for posting.

TT
10-14-2018, 04:01 AM   #1158
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QuoteOriginally posted by Tonytee Quote
Excellent. Thanks so much for posting.

TT
Most welcome Tony.
10-15-2018, 05:36 PM - 6 Likes   #1159
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The First Politician.



You cannot help but laugh out loud.

Thanks for viewing.

TT

10-16-2018, 03:33 AM - 1 Like   #1160
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QuoteOriginally posted by Tonytee Quote

You cannot help but laugh out loud.

Thanks for viewing.

TT
Ha,ha.In terms of evolution the only change is that their heads have got further up
10-16-2018, 03:58 AM   #1161
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QuoteOriginally posted by timb64 Quote
Ha,ha.In terms of evolution the only change is that their heads have got further up
Friend, your comment is even more hilarious than the photo. Not to be outdone, I must find a way to counteract. Doubt that I will be successful, though.

Many thanks,

Tony
10-16-2018, 07:28 AM   #1162
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QuoteOriginally posted by Tonytee Quote
Friend, your comment is even more hilarious than the photo. Not to be outdone, I must find a way to counteract. Doubt that I will be successful, though.

Many thanks,

Tony
You’re welcome!

10-16-2018, 07:48 AM - 1 Like   #1163
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QuoteOriginally posted by timb64 Quote
Ha,ha.In terms of evolution the only change is that their heads have got further up
Maybe that explains why politicians spend 99% of their waking hours talking out of the orifice that they stuck their head into!
10-16-2018, 03:51 PM   #1164
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QuoteOriginally posted by Tako Kichi Quote
Maybe that explains why politicians spend 99% of their waking hours talking out of the orifice that they stuck their head into!

Excellent commentary, Tako Kichi. Much appreciated. )

TT
10-16-2018, 04:18 PM - 7 Likes   #1165
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A man wanted to become a Buddhist monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk, who said, “You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years.”

The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said, “What are your two words?”

“Food cold!” the man replied.

Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said “What are your two words?”

“Robe dirty!” the man exclaimed.

Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said, “What are your two words?”

“I quit!” said the man.

“Well,” the head monk replied, “I'm not surprised. You've done nothing but complain ever since you got here!”
10-21-2018, 02:57 PM - 12 Likes   #1166
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The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles".

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need - a new suit".

He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit". The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long". Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure". The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16-1/2 neck". Again, Joe was surprised, "That"s right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure". The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see ... 9-1/2 E." Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly.

Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure". The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36". Joe laughed. "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old". The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache".
10-29-2018, 10:26 PM - 8 Likes   #1167
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"I'm getting my sister a new fridge for her birthday ... I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it!"
10-31-2018, 07:14 AM - 3 Likes   #1168
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Japanese scientists have created a camera with such an immensely fast shutter-speed, that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth shut.
11-05-2018, 06:45 AM   #1169
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Politics, or other stuff. Not much time left...
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11-05-2018, 07:16 AM - 1 Like   #1170
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