The Joke Thread

**Digitalis** · 12-04-2018, 01:10 AM - **8 Likes**

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."

She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer.
He taps into the Internet on his phone and searches the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.
The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

Last edited by Digitalis; 12-05-2018 at 06:26 PM.

**Tonytee** · 12-04-2018, 07:06 PM - **5 Likes**

Thanks for enjoying.

Tony

jack002 · 12-05-2018, 07:51 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by Tonytee

Thanks for enjoying.

Tony

When Ruth fell off the motorcycle her boyfriend drove on Ruthlessly.

---------- Post added 12-05-18 at 09:36 AM ----------

Originally posted by torashi

Wow. I got an VW add below your "flat" joke.
Big brother is upon us. :Illuminati:

LOL. I swear I never saw this. I made this up.

bertwert · 12-09-2018, 02:21 PM - **2 Likes**

The detective entered a crime scene and knew immediately what the murder weapon was.
.
.
.
It was a brief case.

torashi · 12-09-2018, 02:24 PM

Originally posted by bertwert

The detective entered a crime scene and knew immediately what the murder weapon was.
.
.
.
It was a brief case.

Ba dum ts.

torashi · 12-09-2018, 03:09 PM - **6 Likes**

**Riggomatic** · 12-09-2018, 04:20 PM

. That's funny!

**clackers** · 12-10-2018, 09:06 PM - **4 Likes**

A young missionary travels to Africa to work with a local tribe.

Upon reaching the village, he is not well received by the inhabitants, but he slowly and steadily builds rapport.

After many years he's finally accepted by the people and gets along well with everyone, until one day the chief's daughter gives birth to a white child.

Infuriated but not ungrateful for what the missionary has done for the village, the chief gives him a chance to explain himself in private.

The young man protests: "No, no. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what is called an albino. Look to thy yonder field. See the flock of white sheep, and yet amongst them, one of them is black. Nature does this on occasion."

The chief steps back a little, gives a frightened look to the missionary, then whispers : "Ok, I'll tell you what we can do … you keep my secret, I'll keep yours."

**Tonytee** · 12-11-2018, 01:17 AM - **9 Likes**

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not still in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him..

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'.

She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago, When we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 16,' He says solemnly.

Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.

'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'

'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said,

'Either you Marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years?'

'I remember that, too' she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said

'I would have gotten out today.'

35mmfilmfan · 12-11-2018, 01:35 PM - **3 Likes**

In Norwich market, amongst the purveyors of exotic provender, there is a stall advertising that the proprietor stocks cheese varieties from all over the world.

Today, I enquired whether he had any cheese emanating from the Holy Land.

With a catch in his voice, and a tear in his eye, he regretfully and sadly informed me that his stock was deficient in that respect.

Strange - at this time of year, I would have expected to be able to obtain cheeses of Nazareth.

bobD · 12-11-2018, 03:39 PM

Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan

Strange - at this time of year, I would have expected to be able to obtain cheeses of Nazareth.

Possibly his supplier had a run on them for nativity scenes.....that's where you'll find the little baby cheeses currently.

**rechmbrs** · 12-12-2018, 11:42 AM

Some while back after a session with lawyers, I decided to write a joke related to them. I have either writer's block or an injunction to stop me from finishing it and would like your help. I know there is humor in it.

This should be said aloud.

"One half of the lawyers are suers and the other half are suees. The two groups constantly become flushed in their suage during their repartee."

GROAN!!

Only coined word is suage.

Have a go after it.

RONC

**Tonytee** · 12-13-2018, 02:05 PM - **2 Likes**

Women should not have children after 35. Really ... 35 children are enough!

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.

After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.

I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect.

I married my wife for her looks . . . but not the ones she's been giving me lately!

No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning.

I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: "CHECKOUT TIME IS 18."

If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

Why do we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?

Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was . . . surrounded by trees and bushes.

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.

The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years . . . then we met.

Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway.

I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here.

Sign in pet store: "Buy one dog, get one flea . . ."

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?

I see your IQ test results were negative.

I don't approve of political jokes . . . I've seen too many of them get elected.

Regular naps prevent old age . . . especially if you take them while drivi

**WPRESTO** · 12-13-2018, 04:16 PM

Some good lones in that set Tony, in fact. just about all of them brought on a quick smile.

**clackers** · 12-13-2018, 04:28 PM

Originally posted by rechmbrs

Some while back after a session with lawyers, I decided to write a joke related to them. I have either writer's block or an injunction to stop me from finishing it and would like your help. I know there is humor in it.

This should be said aloud.

"One half of the lawyers are suers and the other half are suees. The two groups constantly become flushed in their suage during their repartee."

GROAN!!

Only coined word is suage.

Have a go after it.

RONC

Hmm, perhaps:

"Half the lawyers are suers and the other half are suees. It's easy to get trapped in their sewage."

I still think Letterman would do his signal to the card prompt guy, let's not do this one, hold up the next gag instead.

12-04-2018, 07:06 PM - 5 Likes	#1202
Tonytee Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Jul 2012 Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 21,461	Cowpoke. Thanks for enjoying. Tony

12-11-2018, 01:17 AM - 9 Likes	#1209
Tonytee Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Jul 2012 Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 21,461	Too cute!! A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not still in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. 'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night? The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'. She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up. The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago, When we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 16,' He says solemnly. Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. 'Yes, I do' she replies. The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?' 'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you Marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years?' 'I remember that, too' she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said 'I would have gotten out today.'

12-12-2018, 11:42 AM	#1212
rechmbrs Site Supporter Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Conroe, TX USA Posts: 423	Would like your help. PLEASE!! Some while back after a session with lawyers, I decided to write a joke related to them. I have either writer's block or an injunction to stop me from finishing it and would like your help. I know there is humor in it. This should be said aloud. *"One half of the lawyers are suers and the other half are suees. The two groups constantly become flushed in their suage during their repartee."* GROAN!! Only coined word is suage. Have a go after it. RONC

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Where is the annual Pentax FF April fool joke?	LFLee	Pentax Full Frame	27	04-04-2014 03:48 AM
Misc Batman : The Killing Joke	6BQ5	Post Your Photos!	7	02-24-2014 01:58 PM
Joke Thread!	Gooshin	General Talk	327	10-23-2012 08:59 PM
Political Joke Thread	Parallax	General Talk	42	04-20-2012 06:42 AM

12-04-2018, 01:10 AM - 8 Likes	#1201
Digitalis Site Supporter Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Melbourne, Victoria Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,694	A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa." Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the Internet on his phone and searches the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep. Last edited by Digitalis; 12-05-2018 at 06:26 PM.

12-05-2018, 07:51 AM - 1 Like	#1203
jack002 Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: Missouri Photos: Albums Posts: 727	Originally posted by Tonytee Thanks for enjoying. Tony When Ruth fell off the motorcycle her boyfriend drove on Ruthlessly. ---------- Post added 12-05-18 at 09:36 AM ---------- Originally posted by torashi Wow. I got an VW add below your "flat" joke. Big brother is upon us. :Illuminati: LOL. I swear I never saw this. I made this up.

12-09-2018, 02:21 PM - 2 Likes	#1204
bertwert Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Golden, BC Posts: 15,173 Original Poster	The detective entered a crime scene and knew immediately what the murder weapon was. . . . It was a brief case.

12-09-2018, 02:24 PM	#1205
torashi Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Medellín Posts: 1,322	Originally posted by bertwert The detective entered a crime scene and knew immediately what the murder weapon was. . . . It was a brief case. Ba dum ts.

12-09-2018, 03:09 PM - 6 Likes	#1206
torashi Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Medellín Posts: 1,322

12-09-2018, 04:20 PM	#1207
Riggomatic Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Auburn, Indiana Photos: Albums Posts: 3,885	. That's funny!

12-10-2018, 09:06 PM - 4 Likes	#1208
clackers Otis Memorial Pentaxian Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Melbourne Photos: Albums Posts: 16,397	A young missionary travels to Africa to work with a local tribe. Upon reaching the village, he is not well received by the inhabitants, but he slowly and steadily builds rapport. After many years he's finally accepted by the people and gets along well with everyone, until one day the chief's daughter gives birth to a white child. Infuriated but not ungrateful for what the missionary has done for the village, the chief gives him a chance to explain himself in private. The young man protests: "No, no. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what is called an albino. Look to thy yonder field. See the flock of white sheep, and yet amongst them, one of them is black. Nature does this on occasion." The chief steps back a little, gives a frightened look to the missionary, then whispers : "Ok, I'll tell you what we can do … you keep my secret, I'll keep yours."

12-11-2018, 01:35 PM - 3 Likes	#1210
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,329	In Norwich market, amongst the purveyors of exotic provender, there is a stall advertising that the proprietor stocks cheese varieties from all over the world. Today, I enquired whether he had any cheese emanating from the Holy Land. With a catch in his voice, and a tear in his eye, he regretfully and sadly informed me that his stock was deficient in that respect. Strange - at this time of year, I would have expected to be able to obtain cheeses of Nazareth.

12-11-2018, 03:39 PM	#1211
bobD Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Waikikamukau Photos: Albums Posts: 1,248	Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan Strange - at this time of year, I would have expected to be able to obtain cheeses of Nazareth. Possibly his supplier had a run on them for nativity scenes.....that's where you'll find the little baby cheeses currently.

12-13-2018, 02:05 PM - 2 Likes	#1213
Tonytee Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Jul 2012 Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 21,461	Women should not have children after 35. Really ... 35 children are enough! Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys. After all is said and done, usually more is said than done. I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect. I married my wife for her looks . . . but not the ones she's been giving me lately! No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning. I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: "CHECKOUT TIME IS 18." If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway? Why do we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America? Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well? On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was . . . surrounded by trees and bushes. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked? I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved. The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled. My wife and I were happy for twenty years . . . then we met. Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway. I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here. Sign in pet store: "Buy one dog, get one flea . . ." If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'? I see your IQ test results were negative. I don't approve of political jokes . . . I've seen too many of them get elected. Regular naps prevent old age . . . especially if you take them while drivi

12-13-2018, 04:16 PM	#1214
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,106	Some good lones in that set Tony, in fact. just about all of them brought on a quick smile.

12-13-2018, 04:28 PM	#1215
clackers Otis Memorial Pentaxian Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Melbourne Photos: Albums Posts: 16,397	Originally posted by rechmbrs Some while back after a session with lawyers, I decided to write a joke related to them. I have either writer's block or an injunction to stop me from finishing it and would like your help. I know there is humor in it. This should be said aloud. *"One half of the lawyers are suers and the other half are suees. The two groups constantly become flushed in their suage during their repartee."* GROAN!! Only coined word is suage. Have a go after it. RONC Hmm, perhaps: "Half the lawyers are suers and the other half are suees. It's easy to get trapped in their sewage." I still think Letterman would do his signal to the card prompt guy, let's not do this one, hold up the next gag instead.