The Joke Thread

torashi · 07-11-2019, 09:11 AM

Originally posted by bobD

It is a misty day here and the aeroplanes are not flying....

!!!!!

Exactly. Worst day you could imagine.

torashi · 07-11-2019, 09:14 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by torashi

The same thing happened to the Mitsubishi "Pajero", which means "******" in Spanish.

Oh, darn. I got censored. Just look it up on the web.

Racer X 69 · 07-11-2019, 05:33 PM

Originally posted by torashi

Oh, darn. I got censored. Just look it up on the web.

I did.

Google translate says Pajero, in Spanish is also Pajero in English.

But.

The Urban Dictionary on the other hand . . . . . . . .

35mmfilmfan · 07-12-2019, 04:02 AM - **3 Likes**

Nearly got run down by a red sportscar -

I thought : Oh - MG

torashi · 07-12-2019, 07:40 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by Racer X 69

I did.

Google translate says Pajero, in Spanish is also Pajero in English.

But.

The Urban Dictionary on the other hand . . . . . . . .

Hahahaha… just the thought of it made me laugh out loud. I'll give it a look.

**WPRESTO** · 07-12-2019, 10:24 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by torashi

Mist is manure in German, so it took me a while.

"I get misty the moment you're near."

timb64 · 07-12-2019, 10:29 AM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by WPRESTO

"I get misty the moment you're near."

Puts this one in a whole new light!

Youtu.be

**WPRESTO** · 07-14-2019, 06:27 AM - **2 Likes**

Dozens of beers were set on the counter and marked "half price" even though the marked price was more than double the original. They all sold within an hour. That profit-making scheme was definitely counter productive.

normhead · 07-14-2019, 07:52 AM

Originally posted by WPRESTO

Dozens of beers were set on the bar and marked "half price" even though the marked price was more than double the original. They all sold within an hour. That profit-making scheme was definitely counter productive.

You should have said "set on counter" to go with "counter productive."

35mmfilmfan · 07-14-2019, 08:07 AM - **2 Likes**

'Watson, as a doctor, you'll know this : what is the name of the canal that runs through the lower portion of the body, digesting food ?'

'Alimentary, my dear Holmes.'

**WPRESTO** · 07-14-2019, 10:07 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by normhead

You should have said "set on counter" to go with "counter productive."

As you wish - if you prefer. I wanted to avoid using the word "counter" twice, to make people think just a tad when reading the punch line.

normhead · 07-14-2019, 06:19 PM

Originally posted by WPRESTO

As you wish - if you prefer. I wanted to avoid using the word "counter" twice, to make people think just a tad when reading the punch line.

Here I am giving advice on writing jokes. I never sold a joke in my life.

**DAZ** · 07-14-2019, 06:28 PM

Your joking, right?

DAZ

Liney · 07-17-2019, 02:58 AM - **5 Likes**

Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan

'Watson, as a doctor, you'll know this : what is the name of the canal that runs through the lower portion of the body, digesting food ?'

'Alimentary, my dear Holmes.'

Holmes and Watson were seeking the home of their arch nemesis, Moriarty. They knew he lived down a particular street but not the house. They walked up and down the street looking at the front of each house, until they stopped in front of one with a Yellow door. Holmes pointed to the house and declared this was Moriarty's house, to which Watson exclaimed "How do you know?"

Holmes smiled and said "A Lemon Entry my dear Watson..."

---------- Post added 07-17-19 at 07:30 PM ----------

On a different theme, since my wife left I have bought a big fast motorbike, got myself a 21 year old Thai girlfriend and dabbled in hard drink and drugs.

When she gets back from her mothers she's going to be livid.....

Liney · 07-22-2019, 02:48 AM - **3 Likes**

A very learned religious scholar is on a tour of the leaders of the major religions, and stops off at the Vatican for a chat with the Pope. The scholar is led into the popes office and they converse for an hour on a various topics, but as the scholar is leaving he notices that there is a phone on the Popes desk that is golden and shining wth a wonderful light.

The scholar points to the phone, and asks the pope "can I ask about what is so special about that phone?" The pope smiles quietly and replies "That is a direct line to heaven, I pick that up and I get straight through to the almighty's personal assistant..."

The scholar is a little shocked, but asks "do you use it often?" The popes reply is a little disappointed "Actually no, it is rather costly to call heaven. In your currency it costs about $250,000 a minute and although the Catholic church is rich we can't afford that very often". The scholar thanks the pope and goes on his way.

The scholars next visit is to the Archbishop of Canterbury, and as with the pope the scholar is showed into the Archbishops office and they chat about various topics. As the scholar is leaving he notices that the Archbishop has a similar phone to the Popes. The scholar remarks about the phone and the cost the Pope has to pay. The Archbishop sighs and confirms that the price to him is roughly the same so no, they don't use the phone on a regular basis.

Finally the scholar travels to Scotland and has a meeting with the Moderator of the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland. As he is shown into the Moderators office he immediately spots the same phone. The scholar jokes that he has seen the same phone in the other locations and does the moderator use it much with the cost per minute. The moderator looks confused for a second then says "actually we use it practically daily. "But the cost" exclaims the scholar, "how can you afford $250,000 a minute?"

The Moderator looks even more confused, "The last time I got the bill it was 30 cents a minute, but then it is a local call...."

07-11-2019, 09:11 AM	#1456
torashi Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Medellín Posts: 1,322	Originally posted by bobD It is a misty day here and the aeroplanes are not flying....!!!!! Exactly. Worst day you could imagine.

07-14-2019, 06:27 AM - 2 Likes	#1463
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,138	Dozens of beers were set on the counter and marked "half price" even though the marked price was more than double the original. They all sold within an hour. That profit-making scheme was definitely counter productive. Last edited by WPRESTO; 07-14-2019 at 10:06 AM.

07-14-2019, 08:07 AM - 2 Likes	#1465
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,338	'Watson, as a doctor, you'll know this : what is the name of the canal that runs through the lower portion of the body, digesting food ?' 'Alimentary, my dear Holmes.' Last edited by 35mmfilmfan; 07-14-2019 at 08:08 AM. Reason: Grammer

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07-11-2019, 09:14 AM - 1 Like	#1457
torashi Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Medellín Posts: 1,322	Originally posted by torashi The same thing happened to the Mitsubishi "Pajero", which means "******" in Spanish. Oh, darn. I got censored. Just look it up on the web.

07-11-2019, 05:33 PM	#1458
Racer X 69 Moderator Man With A Camera Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: The Great Pacific Northwet, in the Land Between Canada and Mexico Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 28,073	Originally posted by torashi Oh, darn. I got censored. Just look it up on the web. I did. Google translate says Pajero, in Spanish is also Pajero in English. But. The Urban Dictionary on the other hand . . . . . . . .

07-12-2019, 04:02 AM - 3 Likes	#1459
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,338	Nearly got run down by a red sportscar - I thought : Oh - MG

07-12-2019, 07:40 AM - 1 Like	#1460
torashi Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Medellín Posts: 1,322	Originally posted by Racer X 69 I did. Google translate says Pajero, in Spanish is also Pajero in English. But. The Urban Dictionary on the other hand . . . . . . . . Hahahaha… just the thought of it made me laugh out loud. I'll give it a look.

07-12-2019, 10:24 AM - 1 Like	#1461
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,138	Originally posted by torashi Mist is manure in German, so it took me a while. "I get misty the moment you're near."

07-14-2019, 07:52 AM	#1464
normhead Pentaxian Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Near Algonquin Park Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 40,451	Originally posted by WPRESTO Dozens of beers were set on the bar and marked "half price" even though the marked price was more than double the original. They all sold within an hour. That profit-making scheme was definitely counter productive. You should have said "set on counter" to go with "counter productive."

07-14-2019, 10:07 AM - 1 Like	#1466
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,138	Originally posted by normhead You should have said "set on counter" to go with "counter productive." As you wish - if you prefer. I wanted to avoid using the word "counter" twice, to make people think just a tad when reading the punch line.

07-14-2019, 06:19 PM	#1467
normhead Pentaxian Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Near Algonquin Park Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 40,451	Originally posted by WPRESTO As you wish - if you prefer. I wanted to avoid using the word "counter" twice, to make people think just a tad when reading the punch line. Here I am giving advice on writing jokes. I never sold a joke in my life.

07-14-2019, 06:28 PM	#1468
DAZ Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Everett, WA USA Photos: Gallery Posts: 744	Your joking, right? DAZ

07-17-2019, 02:58 AM - 5 Likes	#1469
Liney Veteran Member Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 1,237	Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan 'Watson, as a doctor, you'll know this : what is the name of the canal that runs through the lower portion of the body, digesting food ?' 'Alimentary, my dear Holmes.' Holmes and Watson were seeking the home of their arch nemesis, Moriarty. They knew he lived down a particular street but not the house. They walked up and down the street looking at the front of each house, until they stopped in front of one with a Yellow door. Holmes pointed to the house and declared this was Moriarty's house, to which Watson exclaimed "How do you know?" Holmes smiled and said "A Lemon Entry my dear Watson..." ---------- Post added 07-17-19 at 07:30 PM ---------- On a different theme, since my wife left I have bought a big fast motorbike, got myself a 21 year old Thai girlfriend and dabbled in hard drink and drugs. When she gets back from her mothers she's going to be livid.....

07-22-2019, 02:48 AM - 3 Likes	#1470
Liney Veteran Member Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 1,237	A very learned religious scholar is on a tour of the leaders of the major religions, and stops off at the Vatican for a chat with the Pope. The scholar is led into the popes office and they converse for an hour on a various topics, but as the scholar is leaving he notices that there is a phone on the Popes desk that is golden and shining wth a wonderful light. The scholar points to the phone, and asks the pope "can I ask about what is so special about that phone?" The pope smiles quietly and replies "That is a direct line to heaven, I pick that up and I get straight through to the almighty's personal assistant..." The scholar is a little shocked, but asks "do you use it often?" The popes reply is a little disappointed "Actually no, it is rather costly to call heaven. In your currency it costs about $250,000 a minute and although the Catholic church is rich we can't afford that very often". The scholar thanks the pope and goes on his way. The scholars next visit is to the Archbishop of Canterbury, and as with the pope the scholar is showed into the Archbishops office and they chat about various topics. As the scholar is leaving he notices that the Archbishop has a similar phone to the Popes. The scholar remarks about the phone and the cost the Pope has to pay. The Archbishop sighs and confirms that the price to him is roughly the same so no, they don't use the phone on a regular basis. Finally the scholar travels to Scotland and has a meeting with the Moderator of the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland. As he is shown into the Moderators office he immediately spots the same phone. The scholar jokes that he has seen the same phone in the other locations and does the moderator use it much with the cost per minute. The moderator looks confused for a second then says "actually we use it practically daily. "But the cost" exclaims the scholar, "how can you afford $250,000 a minute?" The Moderator looks even more confused, "The last time I got the bill it was 30 cents a minute, but then it is a local call...."