The Joke Thread

**WPRESTO** · 08-26-2019, 06:30 AM - **3 Likes**

Aphorism recently read that's new to me: Sour gripes make bitter whine.

jack002 · 08-28-2019, 06:09 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by WPRESTO

A small cemetery in town has narrow entries through the surrounding old stone wall, so some of those are marked "NO EXIT."

Enjoy every day, for we're a long time dead.

If you have a graveyard with 4 plots on one side and 5 on the other, that's a form of a cemetery

**clackers** · 08-28-2019, 01:52 PM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by timb64

Mods please delete posted in wrong thread!Sorry.

You're here, so tell us a joke, Tim!

MarkJerling · 08-28-2019, 03:35 PM - **3 Likes**

Originally posted by timb64

Mods please delete posted in wrong thread!Sorry.

I don't get it?

jack002 · 08-29-2019, 11:02 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by Racer X 69

You can delete your own posts, up to a year after they were originally posted Tim. Click edit>advanced. The option to delete the post should be on the advanced editing page.

I'll make a deal with you.

If you delete your post, I'll delete this one.

I just deleted my post, one page back I said encore encore
I never tried to delete a post here before.
If there's a timer, its not for a year. I pressed edit, then go advanced, it was at the top. Delete post option with an reason area and a delete button.

**WPRESTO** · 08-29-2019, 01:21 PM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by jack002

I just deleted my post, one page back I said encore encore
I never tried to delete a post here before.
If there's a timer, its not for a year. I pressed edit, then go advanced, it was at the top. Delete post option with an reason area and a delete button.

Don't bother with why, just do it. I don't think anyone reads much less cares what the reason is for deleting a post.

MarkJerling · 08-29-2019, 01:40 PM - **6 Likes**

An American astronaut has an emergency during his re-entry into earth's atmosphere and his space craft crash-lands in the Australian bush, way out in the middle of nowhere.

After what seems like an eternity, he wakes up in a bush clinic, very rustic, dirty, with foul smells and he is bandaged from head to foot. He sees a very large, somewhat gruff looking nurse approaching him as he lay in his cot.

"Did I come here to die?" he says with a deep sense of resignation and fear.

"No," the Aussie nurse replies, "You came here yesterday."

MarkJerling · 08-29-2019, 01:41 PM - **6 Likes**

A Canadian lumber camp advertises for a lumberjack. A skinny little guy shows up at the camp the next day carrying an axe. The head lumberjack takes one look at the puny little guy and tells him to get lost.

"Give me a chance to show you what I can do," says the skinny guy.

"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" says the head lumberjack. "Take your axe and cut it down."

The guy heads for the tree, and in five minutes he's knocking on the lumberjack's door. "I cut the tree down," says the guy.

The lumberjack can't believe his eyes and says, "Where did you learn to chop down trees like that?"

"In the Sahara Forest," says the puny man. "You mean the Sahara Desert," says the lumberjack.

"Sure......That's what they call it now!"

Racer X 69 · 08-29-2019, 03:19 PM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by jack002

If there's a timer, its not for a year.

I recall Adam mentioning in a reply in the forum help section once that member's can edit their own posts for up to a year. It is one thing about this forum that I have rarely seen on internet forums, that the time available to edit posts is so long. Some I have participated on limit edits to a day, or even less. Like if someone has posted after you, you can't edit or delete a post.

robtcorl · 08-30-2019, 08:06 AM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by MarkJerling

"Did I come here to die?" he says with a deep sense of resignation and fear.

"No," the Aussie nurse replies, "You came here yesterday."

That one took me a bit mate.

**WPRESTO** · 08-30-2019, 10:05 AM - **4 Likes**

Originally posted by robtcorl

That one took me a bit mate.

That's because the last word wasn't spelled correctly: ys-'t-die

---------- Post added 08-30-19 at 01:13 PM ----------

This is a very old joke but there might be someone just emerging from 50 years in a cave who doesn't know it.

NASA is planning to put four dairy cows into orbit. It will be the herd shot 'round the world.

jack002 · 08-30-2019, 11:15 AM - **5 Likes**

Cows?

Cows have no feet because they lactose

lesmore49 · 08-30-2019, 12:54 PM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by jack002

Cows?

Cows have no feet because they lactose

My wife, the Biologist got a kick out of this joke and so did I.

jack002 · 08-30-2019, 01:23 PM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by lesmore49

My wife, the Biologist got a kick out of this joke and so did I.

Tell her this one
To err is human, to forgive, bovine

lesmore49 · 08-30-2019, 02:04 PM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by jack002

Tell her this one
To err is human, to forgive, bovine

She cracked up with that one too.

I'm starting to think that maybe, there's a market for jokes geared towards Biologists.

08-30-2019, 10:05 AM - 4 Likes	#1526
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,137	Originally posted by robtcorl That one took me a bit mate. That's because the last word wasn't spelled correctly: ys-'t-die ---------- Post added 08-30-19 at 01:13 PM ---------- This is a very old joke but there might be someone just emerging from 50 years in a cave who doesn't know it. NASA is planning to put four dairy cows into orbit. It will be the herd shot 'round the world. Last edited by WPRESTO; 08-30-2019 at 10:14 AM.

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08-26-2019, 06:30 AM - 3 Likes	#1516
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,137	Aphorism recently read that's new to me: Sour gripes make bitter whine.

08-28-2019, 06:09 AM - 1 Like	#1517
jack002 Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: Missouri Photos: Albums Posts: 727	Originally posted by WPRESTO A small cemetery in town has narrow entries through the surrounding old stone wall, so some of those are marked "NO EXIT." Enjoy every day, for we're a long time dead. If you have a graveyard with 4 plots on one side and 5 on the other, that's a form of a cemetery

08-28-2019, 01:52 PM - 1 Like	#1518
clackers Otis Memorial Pentaxian Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Melbourne Photos: Albums Posts: 16,397	Originally posted by timb64 Mods please delete posted in wrong thread!Sorry. You're here, so tell us a joke, Tim!

08-28-2019, 03:35 PM - 3 Likes	#1519
MarkJerling Moderator Site Supporter Join Date: May 2012 Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 20,408	Originally posted by timb64 Mods please delete posted in wrong thread!Sorry. I don't get it?

08-29-2019, 11:02 AM - 1 Like	#1520
jack002 Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: Missouri Photos: Albums Posts: 727	Originally posted by Racer X 69 You can delete your own posts, up to a year after they were originally posted Tim. Click edit>advanced. The option to delete the post should be on the advanced editing page. I'll make a deal with you. If you delete your post, I'll delete this one. I just deleted my post, one page back I said encore encore I never tried to delete a post here before. If there's a timer, its not for a year. I pressed edit, then go advanced, it was at the top. Delete post option with an reason area and a delete button.

08-29-2019, 01:21 PM - 2 Likes	#1521
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,137	Originally posted by jack002 I just deleted my post, one page back I said encore encore I never tried to delete a post here before. If there's a timer, its not for a year. I pressed edit, then go advanced, it was at the top. Delete post option with an reason area and a delete button. Don't bother with why, just do it. I don't think anyone reads much less cares what the reason is for deleting a post.

08-29-2019, 01:40 PM - 6 Likes	#1522
MarkJerling Moderator Site Supporter Join Date: May 2012 Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 20,408	An American astronaut has an emergency during his re-entry into earth's atmosphere and his space craft crash-lands in the Australian bush, way out in the middle of nowhere. After what seems like an eternity, he wakes up in a bush clinic, very rustic, dirty, with foul smells and he is bandaged from head to foot. He sees a very large, somewhat gruff looking nurse approaching him as he lay in his cot. "Did I come here to die?" he says with a deep sense of resignation and fear. "No," the Aussie nurse replies, "You came here yesterday."

08-29-2019, 01:41 PM - 6 Likes	#1523
MarkJerling Moderator Site Supporter Join Date: May 2012 Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 20,408	A Canadian lumber camp advertises for a lumberjack. A skinny little guy shows up at the camp the next day carrying an axe. The head lumberjack takes one look at the puny little guy and tells him to get lost. "Give me a chance to show you what I can do," says the skinny guy. "Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" says the head lumberjack. "Take your axe and cut it down." The guy heads for the tree, and in five minutes he's knocking on the lumberjack's door. "I cut the tree down," says the guy. The lumberjack can't believe his eyes and says, "Where did you learn to chop down trees like that?" "In the Sahara Forest," says the puny man. "You mean the Sahara Desert," says the lumberjack. "Sure......That's what they call it now!"

08-29-2019, 03:19 PM - 1 Like	#1524
Racer X 69 Moderator Man With A Camera Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: The Great Pacific Northwet, in the Land Between Canada and Mexico Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 28,073	Originally posted by jack002 If there's a timer, its not for a year. I recall Adam mentioning in a reply in the forum help section once that member's can edit their own posts for up to a year. It is one thing about this forum that I have rarely seen on internet forums, that the time available to edit posts is so long. Some I have participated on limit edits to a day, or even less. Like if someone has posted after you, you can't edit or delete a post.

08-30-2019, 08:06 AM - 2 Likes	#1525
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	Originally posted by MarkJerling "Did I come here to die?" he says with a deep sense of resignation and fear. "No," the Aussie nurse replies, "You came here yesterday." That one took me a bit mate.

08-30-2019, 11:15 AM - 5 Likes	#1527
jack002 Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: Missouri Photos: Albums Posts: 727	Cows? Cows have no feet because they lactose

08-30-2019, 12:54 PM - 1 Like	#1528
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,349	Originally posted by jack002 Cows? Cows have no feet because they lactose My wife, the Biologist got a kick out of this joke and so did I.

08-30-2019, 01:23 PM - 2 Likes	#1529
jack002 Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: Missouri Photos: Albums Posts: 727	Originally posted by lesmore49 My wife, the Biologist got a kick out of this joke and so did I. Tell her this one To err is human, to forgive, bovine

08-30-2019, 02:04 PM - 1 Like	#1530
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,349	Originally posted by jack002 Tell her this one To err is human, to forgive, bovine She cracked up with that one too. I'm starting to think that maybe, there's a market for jokes geared towards Biologists.