The Joke Thread

robtcorl · 11-07-2019, 06:20 PM - **5 Likes**

A blonde was having sharp pains in her side. The doctor examined her and said, ''You have acute appendicitis"...
The blonde yelled at the doctor... ''I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid compliment"...

robtcorl · 11-07-2019, 07:30 PM - **6 Likes**

The second post on this thread was by Rupert, I just gave it the first like.

"A guy called 911 to report that he thought his wife was dead. The 911 Operator asked why he thought this? The guy responded...."Well, the sex is the same as always, but the dirty laundry and dishes are piling up."

I really miss Jim's sense of humor, photos, and his humility.

torashi · 11-08-2019, 04:26 AM - **7 Likes**

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven where they are met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want".

The first nun says, "I want-a to be Sophia Loren." and *poof!* she's gone.

The second nun says, "I want-a to be Madonna." and *poof!* she's gone.

The third nun says, "I want-a to be Aluska Pipalini."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says.

"Aluska Pipalini" replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says "I'm sorry, but that name doesn't ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.

He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her an says: "No sister, this says 'Alaska pipeline laid by 500 men in six months'".

torashi · 11-08-2019, 05:40 AM - **5 Likes**

Originally posted by Riggomatic

What's blue and smells like red paint.................

Blue paint.

What's red and bad for your teeth?
A flying brick.

**ehrwien** · 11-08-2019, 08:49 AM - **3 Likes**

Originally posted by torashi

What's red and bad for your teeth?
A flying brick.

What's white and interferes with your picnic?
An avalanche.

torashi · 11-08-2019, 11:27 AM - **4 Likes**

Originally posted by ehrwien

What's white and interferes with your picnic?
An avalanche.

What's green, fuzzy and will kill you if it falls out of a tree?

A pool table.

Vmax911 · 11-08-2019, 11:57 AM - **4 Likes**

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

Breathe! Breathe!

Liney · 11-08-2019, 10:30 PM - **3 Likes**

What's black and white and red all over?

A nun with a spear in her back

What's black and white and can't turn round in a lift?

The same nun with a spear in her back

torashi · 11-09-2019, 10:21 AM - **2 Likes**

Curt has no arms and no legs.

- Knock, knock!

+ Who's there?

- Certainly not Curt!

bigdavephoto · 11-09-2019, 02:31 PM - **2 Likes**

What do you call a guy that has no arms or legs and just lies there?

Matt.

Parallax · 11-10-2019, 12:32 PM - **4 Likes**

Let's make a little bit of an effort to keep the humor un-offensive and maybe just a bit above a middle school playground level.

**ehrwien** · 11-10-2019, 01:34 PM - **3 Likes**

What's 6.02214076 * 10^23 mashed avocados in a bowl with lime juice and sea salt?

A guaca mole

**Riggomatic** · 11-10-2019, 02:43 PM - **4 Likes**

Originally posted by ehrwien

What's 6.02214076 * 10^23 mashed avocados in a bowl with lime juice and sea salt?

A guaca mole

Avocados number?

robtcorl · 11-10-2019, 04:53 PM - **11 Likes**

In a foreign country a priest, a lawyer, and an engineer are about to be guillotined.
The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens.
He declares that he's been saved by divine intervention, so he's let go.

The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade.
He claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and he is set free too.

They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine.
He looks up at the release mechanism and says, "Wait a minute, I see your problem..."

jack002 · 11-11-2019, 08:24 AM - **8 Likes**

I went to the paint store to get thinner

It didn't work

11-08-2019, 04:26 AM - 7 Likes	#1683
torashi Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Medellín Posts: 1,322	Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven where they are met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want". The first nun says, "I want-a to be Sophia Loren." and poof! she's gone. The second nun says, "I want-a to be Madonna." and poof! she's gone. The third nun says, "I want-a to be Aluska Pipalini." St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he says. "Aluska Pipalini" replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says "I'm sorry, but that name doesn't ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her an says: "No sister, this says 'Alaska pipeline laid by 500 men in six months'". Last edited by torashi; 11-08-2019 at 05:32 AM.

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11-07-2019, 06:20 PM - 5 Likes	#1681
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	A blonde was having sharp pains in her side. The doctor examined her and said, ''You have acute appendicitis"... The blonde yelled at the doctor... ''I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid compliment"...

11-07-2019, 07:30 PM - 6 Likes	#1682
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	The second post on this thread was by Rupert, I just gave it the first like. "A guy called 911 to report that he thought his wife was dead. The 911 Operator asked why he thought this? The guy responded...."Well, the sex is the same as always, but the dirty laundry and dishes are piling up." I really miss Jim's sense of humor, photos, and his humility.

11-08-2019, 05:40 AM - 5 Likes	#1684
torashi Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Medellín Posts: 1,322	Originally posted by Riggomatic What's blue and smells like red paint................. Blue paint. What's red and bad for your teeth? A flying brick.

11-08-2019, 08:49 AM - 3 Likes	#1685
ehrwien Site Supporter Join Date: May 2016 Posts: 2,782	Originally posted by torashi What's red and bad for your teeth? A flying brick. What's white and interferes with your picnic? An avalanche.

11-08-2019, 11:27 AM - 4 Likes	#1686
torashi Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Medellín Posts: 1,322	Originally posted by ehrwien What's white and interferes with your picnic? An avalanche. What's green, fuzzy and will kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table.

11-08-2019, 11:57 AM - 4 Likes	#1687
Vmax911 Pentaxian Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: ABQ Photos: Gallery Posts: 826	What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe! Breathe!

11-08-2019, 10:30 PM - 3 Likes	#1688
Liney Veteran Member Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 1,237	What's black and white and red all over? A nun with a spear in her back What's black and white and can't turn round in a lift? The same nun with a spear in her back

11-09-2019, 10:21 AM - 2 Likes	#1689
torashi Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Medellín Posts: 1,322	Curt has no arms and no legs. - Knock, knock! + Who's there? - Certainly not Curt!

11-09-2019, 02:31 PM - 2 Likes	#1690
bigdavephoto Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: East central Indiana Photos: Gallery Posts: 893	What do you call a guy that has no arms or legs and just lies there? Matt.

11-10-2019, 12:32 PM - 4 Likes	#1691
Parallax Senior Moderator Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Dakota Photos: Gallery Posts: 19,332	Let's make a little bit of an effort to keep the humor un-offensive and maybe just a bit above a middle school playground level.

11-10-2019, 01:34 PM - 3 Likes	#1692
ehrwien Site Supporter Join Date: May 2016 Posts: 2,782	What's 6.02214076 * 10^23 mashed avocados in a bowl with lime juice and sea salt? A guaca mole

11-10-2019, 02:43 PM - 4 Likes	#1693
Riggomatic Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Auburn, Indiana Photos: Albums Posts: 3,886	Originally posted by ehrwien What's 6.02214076 * 10^23 mashed avocados in a bowl with lime juice and sea salt? A guaca mole Avocados number?

11-10-2019, 04:53 PM - 11 Likes	#1694
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	In a foreign country a priest, a lawyer, and an engineer are about to be guillotined. The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens. He declares that he's been saved by divine intervention, so he's let go. The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade. He claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and he is set free too. They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine. He looks up at the release mechanism and says, "Wait a minute, I see your problem..."

11-11-2019, 08:24 AM - 8 Likes	#1695
jack002 Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: Missouri Photos: Albums Posts: 727	I went to the paint store to get thinner It didn't work