[Liney]

Very few women are accurate with those, because of the skill it takes.

I got it! Well done, great punmanship....

[Racer X 69]

Very few women are accurate with those, because of the skill it takes.

With Mrs. Racer 1.0 that would surely be the case. She couldn’t boil water without messing it up.

Mrs. Racer 2.0 however is a master (mistress?) with a skillet. The culinary skills she has would make Emeril Lagasse blush.

[Racer X 69]

As it was explained to me many, many years ago, brides wear a white dress so that they match the rest of the kitchen appliances.....

To match the appliances in my kitchen she would have to wear stainless steel.

[WPRESTO]

With Mrs. Racer 1.0 that would surely be the case. She couldn’t boil water without messing it up.

Mrs. Racer 2.0 however is a master (mistress?) with a skillet. The culinary skills she has would make Emeril Lagasse blush.

Are we onto a some-women-aren't-very-smart gig?


She cannot make ice cubes - - lost the recipe.


"I thought you were going shopping." "I couldn't back the car out of the garage because you backed it in."

"Why were you complaining all night at the Henderson's party?" "Well, you told me I should bring some whine."

[torashi]

With Mrs. Racer 1.0 that would surely be the case. She couldn’t boil water without messing it up.

As strange as it sounds, that's also -in a tragicomedy kind of way- an accurate description of my mom. She just doesn't like the kitchen. She'll just leave any time she wants while the burners are on, liquids boiling or heating up to do other things, like going through her file cabinet. Queen of distrait!
She's again and again so absentminded, that I always remind her to use her phone and to put a timer and alarm so she doesn't let more time pass than necessary. Three to five minutes to boil some water, depending on the pot size and quantity; fifteen minutes for pasta, and so on… and she just won't use that feature. Just like she never used the twist up timer we used to have.
That all lead to the point where I just have to laugh out loud at any friend that's fussy about some little charcoal on their meal and who probably has to justify it "because cancer". Dude, if that's the case, I was raised by cancer!
The scariest -and funniest- occurrence was when we came home to a smoking house because she had put my niece's feeding bottles, maybe ten or twelve, into the biggest pot to disinfect in boiling water. You can imagine the panicked neighbors, the smell, how much smoke there was and how charred up they were once all the water boiled away.
There's a hyperbolic saying here that goes something like: "you even burn some water", used to describe someone bad at cooking. With her, that's no exaggeration. All the burned up pots tell the story. Maybe I should start a still life photographic series with those.
Anyway, one time I had corrective surgery for my twisted bite, my jaw was wired close, so I could only "eat" (drink is actually more accurate) through a straw. All my meals, drinks and solids were put together through a mixer. Just imagine what that tastes like, or perhaps try it (lol, I can picture all the "hell no"-s). I took one sip and gave her the look. Lol, her face said it all. Turns out she'd burnt the beef liver.
She then obviously made it up to me with something less pungent. Also, I forgot to mention her sense of smell is phony because of her allergies, so there's no bad intention behind it. She can drink bad milk oblivious to the fact, only noticing it when it stops being a liquid.

[jack002]

Beef liver can't be ruined.
It comes that way!
*rimshot*

---------- Post added 11-19-19 at 09:38 AM ----------

Here is one about Abe Lincoln

As a trial lawyer, Lincoln used humour strategically within and outside the courtroom. During the lunch break of one particular trial, he told jurors about the small boy who ran to summon his father. “Paw, come quick,” he panted. “The hired man and sis are up in the haymow, and he’s a-pullin’ down his pants and she’s a-liftin’ up her skirts and paw they’re gettin’ ready to pee all over our hay!” The father replied: “Son, you’ve got your facts absolutely right, but you’ve drawn a completely wrong conclusion.”

Later, in court, following his opponent’s lengthy winding-up speech, Lincoln told the jurors: “My learned opponent has his facts absolutely right, but has drawn completely wrong conclusions.” He won the case.

[torashi]

Beef liver can't be ruined.
It comes that way!
*rimshot*

Nice to meat you, Jack!

Oh, c'mon! Don't tell me you don't like liver, tongue, gonads, fried lungs?
They've all got different tastes and textures.

__________________________________________

- Who was the knight on the Round Table that only ate meat?

- Sir Loin.

__________________________________________

- What do you call a digital hamburger?

- Processed meat.

[torashi]

- How do you eat a meat?

- You steak it in your mouth.

[jack002]

Nice to meat you, Jack!

Oh, c'mon! Don't tell me you don't like liver, tongue, gonads, fried lungs?
They've all got different tastes and textures.

__________________________________________

- Who was the knight on the Round Table that only ate meat?

- Sir Loin.

__________________________________________

- What do you call a digital hamburger?

- Processed meat.

Yuck, all that stuff. Yuck
Now you didn't mention beef heart, I have had that. Not bad, tough tho

[torashi]

Yuck, all that stuff. Yuck

Now you didn't mention beef heart, I have had that. Not bad, tough tho

Yes, and roasted chicken hearts are delicious, chewy snacks, too. Sometimes the jaw muscles just long for some exercise.

[WPRESTO]

- Who was the knight on the Round Table that only ate meat?

- Sir Loin.

And who was the biggest knight at the Round Table?

Sir Cumference

And who was the most discrete knight?

Sir Cumspect

And which knight took longest to get to the Round Table?

Sir Cuitous

And which knight knight never got a chair at the Round Table?

Sir Plus

And which of them was the best singer?

Sir Anade

Etc......

[Racer X 69]

Are we onto a some-women-aren't-very-smart gig?

Not really.

I was just commenting how my first wife couldn't cook, and my second one is awesome.

[Kunzite]

Memory is the second thing to go.

[MarkJerling]

That all lead to the point where I just have to laugh out loud at any friend that's fussy about some little charcoal on their meal and who probably has to justify it "because cancer". Dude, if that's the case, I was raised by cancer!

[MarkJerling]

I have CDO.

It's like OCD, but in alphabetical order like it should be.