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12-25-2019, 10:07 AM - 2 Likes   #1936
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Just for today.



12-26-2019, 02:19 AM   #1937
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QuoteOriginally posted by 35mmfilmfan Quote
What's the name of Santa Claus's wife ?
Mary.
Mary ?
Yes - Mary Christmas.
Didn’t find anything in yesterday’s crackers that I’d repost here. Groannnnnnn.
12-28-2019, 09:56 AM - 8 Likes   #1938
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How do you get a philosophy major off of your front porch?

Pay him for the pizza.
12-28-2019, 10:04 AM - 4 Likes   #1939
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I asked Siri why I was still single.

She turned on the front camera.

12-28-2019, 10:07 AM - 7 Likes   #1940
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I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday.

She said, “Nothing would make me happier than a pair of diamond earrings.”

So I got her nothing.
12-28-2019, 10:11 AM - 3 Likes   #1941
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New lorry driver from small village, his first day was to deliver a load of lumber to London.
He drives off the M1 at junction J1 and asks the firs person he sees "Is this London?"
"Yes it is" The man replied.
"OK then, where do you want this wood?"
12-28-2019, 12:39 PM - 3 Likes   #1942
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QuoteOriginally posted by robtcorl Quote
I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday.

She said, “Nothing would make me happier than a pair of diamond earrings.”

So I got her nothing.
Another take on that:

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday.

She said, “Some chocolate and a surprise.”

So I got her a Kinder egg.

12-28-2019, 01:20 PM - 3 Likes   #1943
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What do you call a reindeer wearing earmuffs?

Anything you want, he can't hear you.



("I wish I couldn't hear you!")
12-28-2019, 04:32 PM - 6 Likes   #1944
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Why was the snowman looking at carrots ?

He was picking his nose.
12-30-2019, 12:32 PM   #1945
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Killer pun groaner


12-31-2019, 12:49 PM - 4 Likes   #1946
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This is a heart felt happy new year's wish for you all. Really. Not unlike those copy-paste wishes everybody forwards through email, social media and messaging apps. You guys are the best basketball team in NoVA and I love you all. Happy 2012!!

12-31-2019, 01:49 PM - 3 Likes   #1947
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Pun tellers of 2020 are visionaries
12-31-2019, 05:13 PM - 4 Likes   #1948
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QuoteOriginally posted by jack002 Quote
Pun tellers of 2020 are visionaries
The year 2020 is going to be filled with so many puns about perfect vision…


…I can't wait to see them all.

01-01-2020, 09:14 AM - 3 Likes   #1949
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A blonde heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."
The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No. Just up to my boobs."
01-01-2020, 09:15 AM - 5 Likes   #1950
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Original Poster
I'm so hungry - I haven't eaten all year!
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