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01-06-2020, 02:33 PM   #1966
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QuoteOriginally posted by dipo 1 Quote
Lady Astor to Winston Churchill 'Sir if you were my husband I would give you poison.'

Churchill's reply 'Madam if you were my wife I'd drink it.
I just quoted that elsewhere last week

01-06-2020, 02:47 PM - 2 Likes   #1967
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Bessie Braddock to Winston : 'Winston, you're drunk !'

Winston's reply : 'And you're ugly. But, in the morning, I shall be sober !'
01-06-2020, 03:02 PM - 4 Likes   #1968
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My mother was 16 when I was born in 33. I was 45 in 78. Is this a record ?
01-06-2020, 03:22 PM   #1969
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QuoteOriginally posted by 35mmfilmfan Quote
My mother was 16 when I was born in 33. I was 45 in 78. Is this a record ?
Duh:!

01-06-2020, 04:47 PM - 3 Likes   #1970
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The 4th Earl of Sandwich: ‘Sir, I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox’

John Wilkes: ‘That depends, my lord, on whether I embrace your lordship’s principles or your mistress’
01-06-2020, 04:51 PM - 1 Like   #1971
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Here goes one for all the Star War fans:

Why do you never see any Stormtroopers as photographers?
They always miss the shot
01-06-2020, 04:55 PM - 3 Likes   #1972
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Sir Thomas Beecham to a cellist: ‘Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it’

01-06-2020, 08:18 PM   #1973
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I missed my nap today, I slept thru it.
01-06-2020, 08:33 PM - 2 Likes   #1974
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QuoteOriginally posted by rubenr Quote
Here goes one for all the Star War fans:

Why do you never see any Stormtroopers as photographers?
They always miss the shot
Here's a good ole Star Wars Joke.

How warm would it be inside a tauntaun??


Luke warm
01-06-2020, 08:45 PM   #1975
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QuoteOriginally posted by cmohr Quote
Here's a good ole Star Wars Joke.

How warm would it be inside a tauntaun??


Luke warm

01-08-2020, 07:05 PM - 4 Likes   #1976
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My friend David had his ID stolen.
Now we call him Dav.

01-08-2020, 07:07 PM - 5 Likes   #1977
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A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
An optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
A realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees three idiots standing on the track!

01-08-2020, 07:13 PM   #1978
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QuoteOriginally posted by torashi Quote
A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
An optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
A realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees three idiots standing on the track!
I got a kick of that...so did my wife. Good one.
01-08-2020, 10:16 PM   #1979
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QuoteOriginally posted by torashi Quote
A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
An optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
A realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees three idiots standing on the track!
That conductor must be scarred for life after that one.
01-09-2020, 07:04 AM   #1980
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QuoteOriginally posted by torashi Quote
A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
An optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
A realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees three idiots standing on the track!

In the Johnson era, they'd say of of the Vietnam War "We've turned the corner," we'd say "you were supposed to go straight ahead." They'd say "we can see the light at the end of the tunnel" we'd say "it's a freight train rushing toward you."

---------- Post added 01-09-20 at 09:06 AM ----------

A pessimist sees what is going to happen.
An optimist sees a chance for change.
A realist sees the status quo.
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