The Joke Thread

jack002 · 01-09-2020, 07:34 AM - **1 Like**

Roofers love going to the bar, the drinks there are always..... on the house

I am the brightest star. I'm Sirius

torashi · 01-09-2020, 08:02 AM

Originally posted by lesmore49

I got a kick of that...so did my wife. Good one.

Glad you had fun.

torashi · 01-09-2020, 08:17 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by ZombieArmy

That conductor must be scarred for life after that one.

It's dark humour's collateral damage.

Speaking of which,

I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.

35mmfilmfan · 01-09-2020, 08:58 AM - **2 Likes**

Someone tried to build a railway engine out of lead.

I told him the idea was plumb loco.

**dipo 1** · 01-09-2020, 09:00 AM - **4 Likes**

MURPHY'S OTHER 15LAWS

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright untilyou hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting somethingright, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someonefrom Californiawould be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those,who got there first.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and hewill sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14. God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelvepeople, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

photolady95 · 01-09-2020, 09:32 AM

Originally posted by dipo 1

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from California would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

That could be the same as from most any northern state, if the cars lined up in Florida.

jack002 · 01-09-2020, 09:34 AM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan

Someone tried to build a railway engine out of lead.

I told him the idea was plumb loco.

I say the definition of locomotive is why a crazy person does something

**pbancr** · 01-09-2020, 09:53 AM - **1 Like**

Why couldn’t the bicycle walk?

It was 2 tired.

(Groan)

SpottyReputation · 01-09-2020, 11:06 AM

This is fantastic

Originally posted by torashi

My friend David had his ID stolen.
Now we call him Dav.

rubenr · 01-09-2020, 02:33 PM

What did the photographer say when he retired?
"I can't take it anymore!"

**BigDave** · 01-09-2020, 02:37 PM - **1 Like**

How many professional photographers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, it is the assistant's job!

rubenr · 01-09-2020, 03:11 PM

Originally posted by BigDave

How many professional photographers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, it is the assistant's job!

nice one!

---------- Post added 01-09-20 at 04:12 PM ----------

I used to get into fights at the drop of a hat.
Which is probably why I got fired from my job as a graduation photographer.

**StiffLegged** · 01-09-2020, 04:08 PM - **1 Like**

How many directors of Social Work does it take to change a light bulb? None, but three of them, working together, can write a paper on coping with darkness.

rubenr · 01-09-2020, 04:10 PM

Why do drones get so many pictures of mermaids?
They're Ariel photographers

**BigDave** · 01-09-2020, 04:13 PM - **2 Likes**

So a mushroom decides to throw a party an invites all of his friends. No one shows up. In frustration he says, "Hey I can't understand why no one came! I'm a fungi!"

01-09-2020, 09:00 AM - 4 Likes	#1985
dipo 1 Site Supporter Join Date: Feb 2018 Posts: 374	Murphys other 15 laws MURPHY'S OTHER 15LAWS 1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright untilyou hear them speak. 2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night. 5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. 7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. 8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting somethingright, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. 9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someonefrom Californiawould be stupid enough to try to pass them. 10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. 11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those,who got there first. 12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and hewill sit in a boat all day drinking beer. 13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. 14. God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark. 15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelvepeople, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

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01-09-2020, 07:34 AM - 1 Like	#1981
jack002 Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: Missouri Photos: Albums Posts: 727	Roofers love going to the bar, the drinks there are always..... on the house I am the brightest star. I'm Sirius

01-09-2020, 08:02 AM	#1982
torashi Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Medellín Posts: 1,322	Originally posted by lesmore49 I got a kick of that...so did my wife. Good one. Glad you had fun.

01-09-2020, 08:17 AM - 1 Like	#1983
torashi Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2017 Location: Medellín Posts: 1,322	Originally posted by ZombieArmy That conductor must be scarred for life after that one. It's dark humour's collateral damage. Speaking of which, I was going to tell a dead baby joke. But I decided to abort.

01-09-2020, 08:58 AM - 2 Likes	#1984
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,318	Someone tried to build a railway engine out of lead. I told him the idea was plumb loco.

01-09-2020, 09:32 AM	#1986
photolady95 Otis Memorial Pentaxian Join Date: May 2009 Location: Cruising the forum watching his back Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 12,712	Originally posted by dipo 1 9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from California would be stupid enough to try to pass them. That could be the same as from most any northern state, if the cars lined up in Florida.

01-09-2020, 09:34 AM - 1 Like	#1987
jack002 Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: Missouri Photos: Albums Posts: 727	Originally posted by 35mmfilmfan Someone tried to build a railway engine out of lead. I told him the idea was plumb loco. I say the definition of locomotive is why a crazy person does something

01-09-2020, 09:53 AM - 1 Like	#1988
pbancr Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Southeast Connecticut Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 2,574	Why couldn’t the bicycle walk? It was 2 tired. (Groan)

01-09-2020, 11:06 AM	#1989
SpottyReputation Site Supporter Join Date: Oct 2019 Location: Abbotsford, BC Photos: Albums Posts: 210	This is fantastic Originally posted by torashi My friend David had his ID stolen. Now we call him Dav.

01-09-2020, 02:33 PM	#1990
rubenr Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2015 Location: Guatemala City Photos: Albums Posts: 337	What did the photographer say when he retired? "I can't take it anymore!"

01-09-2020, 02:37 PM - 1 Like	#1991
BigDave Site Supporter Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Hudson Valley, NY Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 2,626	How many professional photographers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it is the assistant's job!

01-09-2020, 03:11 PM	#1992
rubenr Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2015 Location: Guatemala City Photos: Albums Posts: 337	Originally posted by BigDave How many professional photographers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it is the assistant's job! nice one! ---------- Post added 01-09-20 at 04:12 PM ---------- I used to get into fights at the drop of a hat. Which is probably why I got fired from my job as a graduation photographer.

01-09-2020, 04:08 PM - 1 Like	#1993
StiffLegged Site Supporter Join Date: Jan 2018 Photos: Gallery Posts: 4,611	How many directors of Social Work does it take to change a light bulb? None, but three of them, working together, can write a paper on coping with darkness.

01-09-2020, 04:10 PM	#1994
rubenr Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2015 Location: Guatemala City Photos: Albums Posts: 337	Why do drones get so many pictures of mermaids? They're Ariel photographers

01-09-2020, 04:13 PM - 2 Likes	#1995
BigDave Site Supporter Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Hudson Valley, NY Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 2,626	So a mushroom decides to throw a party an invites all of his friends. No one shows up. In frustration he says, "Hey I can't understand why no one came! I'm a fungi!"

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