[StiffLegged]

A policeman, clergyman and lawyer are out fishing in shark infested waters when the boat breaks down leaving them drifting half a mile from shore. The sharks are circling and one of them will have to swim for help. The policeman protested it was illegal to eat people but the sharks bare their teeth and keep circling. The clergyman is unwilling to try walking on the water. Finally the lawyer sighs, climbs out and walks across the sharks’ backs to shore, gets another boat and tows the others to harbour. “How on earth did you not get eaten?” the other two ask. “Professional courtesy” answered the lawyer.

[Rondec]

Did you all hear about the invisible man and woman who got married?

Yeah, their kids weren't much to look at either...

[Fluegel]

Lawyer jokes.

There is a new film, ten lawyers are sitting at the bottom of the sea.
What happens next?
Dono,but the beginning sounds very good.


St. Peter has a busy day, lots of applicants who want a place in heaven.
The door opens, a pope reports for a place in heaven.
St. Peter finds the pope in his book and says: "All right, find yourself a seat somewhere in the back"
The pope is a bit disappointed and waits near St. Peter.
The door opens again for a new applicant.
St. Peter checks him out and is full of praise.
The guy gets a special seat up front. He also gets two personal angels to fill any request he has.
The pope turns to St.Peter and says he is disappointed.
St. Peter explains: I got a couple of hundred popes here but this is only the second lawyer that made it to heaven.

[35mmfilmfan]

Police car passes a little old lady driving erratically on a motorway - looks inside and she is knitting ! Policeman opens his window and calls to her 'Pull Over ! Pull Over !'.


'No !' she replies, holding up her knitting -






'Pair of socks !'.

[bxf]

[jack002]

Great, now I learned something!!

[Digitalis]

This appeared on my news feed one day..Hats off to their editor for the sly chemistry joke.

[StiffLegged]

Ex-laying chickens are notoriously tough and stringy - quite unsuited for the Colonel’s secret recipe. They can however be cooked successfully as follows:-

In a casserole dish add 2 pints of chicken stock, 2 onions coarsely chopped, a whole garlic, a bouquet garni, 3 bay leaves, salt and a good dash of ground black pepper. Bring to a simmer over a low heat. Rub half a pound of butter into the chicken and joint it. Carefully place a large stone in the middle of the casserole and arrange the pieces of chicken around it. Transfer the casserole to an oven at a medium heat for 3 hours.
When done, remove the bouquet garni and bay leaves. Throw away the chicken, slice the stone and serve.

[jack002]

Police car passes a little old lady driving erratically on a motorway - looks inside and she is knitting ! Policeman opens his window and calls to her 'Pull Over ! Pull Over !'.
'No !' she replies, holding up her knitting -

'Pair of socks !'.

Then she got a ticket for weaving in traffic

[dipo 1]

an engineers prospective

[jack002]

I just found this

What would you call Popeye The sailor man if he was a camera man?

Popeye DSLR Man

[robtcorl]

[StiffLegged]

He’s plainly been very well advised!

[MarkJerling]

So, this bloke with a facial tic which caused him to constantly wink applied for a position as a sales rep for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best university with honours, your references are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, as a sales representative is a highly visible position, we're afraid that your constant winking will confuse or scare off customers. I'm sorry...we can't hire you."

"Wait," said the applicant. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"
"Really? Great! Show me!"

So the bloke reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out dozens of packs of all sorts of condoms: Red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms; at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He opens it, swallows the pills, and stops winking.

"Well," "that's all well and good, the interviewer says, but this is a respectable company and we will not have our employees damaging our reputation by womanising all over the country!"

"Womanising? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man"
"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"

"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"

[dipo 1]

Well what can I say