The Joke Thread

bertwert · 03-13-2020, 03:38 PM - **11 Likes**

As a responsible business owner, all my employees are on a two week quarantine.

Productivity is at an all time high, with no one able to leave the office.

**Digitalis** · 03-13-2020, 04:59 PM - **9 Likes**

camera_nut · 03-16-2020, 04:40 PM - **3 Likes**

l want some hand sanitizer to drink.

Liney · 03-17-2020, 01:59 AM - **4 Likes**

With the number of people from our office who are working from home, I get more personal space in the office than I do at home.....

**clackers** · 03-18-2020, 09:18 PM - **13 Likes**

"I've been experimenting trying to devise the thinnest possible toilet paper. This morning I had a breakthrough."

Fluegel · 03-19-2020, 04:24 AM - **6 Likes**

Digitalis brought to memory a story about a woman buying a DIY closet.

The family did not have enough space to store winter clothes.
She decided to buy a new closet.
The salesman in the store convinced her assembling the closet was not difficult at all.
He promised he would help her after the store closed should there be any problems .

She bought the closet, brought it home and fitted all the parts in the bedroom.
Quite happy with the result she went downstairs and made herself a cup of tea.
After the first sip the streetcar passed her house, she heard a noise in the bedroom.
The newly assembled closet had fallen apart. Never mind I will fit the parts again and tighten the screws a bit more.
Again the closet fell apart after the next streetcar passed her house.

She rang the shop and asked the salesman to help her out.
Together they assembled the closet. Before the guy could leave another streetcar passed the house.
The closet fell apart again.

The guy had a clever idea. He picked up a torch from his car, they put the closet together again.
He stepped into the closet with the torch to see what went wrong.

The woman went downstairs prepared a meal for the family and forgot about the closet.
After dinner she went upstairs with her husband. He was surprised to see the new closet and opened it.
He saw the man standing in the closet.

The guy said: "It is not what you think sir. I am waiting for the streetcar."

timb64 · 03-19-2020, 07:29 AM - **6 Likes**

Originally posted by clackers

"I've been experimenting trying to devise the thinnest possible toilet paper. This morning I had a breakthrough."

That reminded me of this:

***WARNING***

NSFW (probably

)

Youtu.be

**WPRESTO** · 03-19-2020, 08:09 AM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by timb64

That reminded me of this:

Think I'll stay with keeping an old Sears catalog handy

35mmfilmfan · 03-19-2020, 12:19 PM - **10 Likes**

In Britain, everyone is following the latest Government advice :

'Avoid the last-minute rush - Panic Now !'

**dipo 1** · 03-21-2020, 09:39 AM - **7 Likes**

Well it does seem this wau

bertwert · 03-21-2020, 11:15 AM - **3 Likes**

BREAKING NEWS

RCMP Asks Criminals to not Commit Crimes

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police have issued a press statement in response to the COVID-19 pandemic. "In order to prevent the spread of infection, it is vital that everyone self-isolates and maintains social distancing," states Staff Sergeant Brown, "This includes those who were planning criminal activities." Brown then iterates that contact between criminals and RCMP members can also spread the virus. "Please remain at home and keep our population safe," continues Brown, "however, if you must rob a bank, please ensure that you are wearing masks and gloves."

Racer X 69 · 03-21-2020, 11:51 AM

Originally posted by timb64

That reminded me of this:

***WARNING***

NSFW (probably

)

How to use just one square of toilet paper. - YouTube

I learned that in Boy Scouts.

Seriously.

On a campout one time the scoutmaster showed us that "trick". A sure fire way to reduce how much stuff one needs to pack along on a hike into the woods.

**WPRESTO** · 03-21-2020, 12:06 PM - **2 Likes**

Britain was far ahead of the USA with admonishing people to maintain a certain inter-personal distance.

"MIND THE GAP"

35mmfilmfan · 03-21-2020, 03:18 PM - **6 Likes**

I sat next to the Vicar's daughter at the Garden Party. Emboldened by the warmth of the afternoon, and the Champagne, I threw caution to the winds, and put my hand upon her silk-clad knee.

'Heaven's Above !' she cried.

**Digitalis** · 03-21-2020, 07:18 PM - **10 Likes**

Finally, a currency we can all get behind.

03-16-2020, 04:40 PM - 3 Likes	#2343
camera_nut Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2020 Location: North Houston, TX Posts: 155	l want some hand sanitizer to drink. Attached Images

03-21-2020, 09:39 AM - 7 Likes	#2350
dipo 1 Site Supporter Join Date: Feb 2018 Posts: 374	Well it does seem this wau Attached Images

03-21-2020, 11:51 AM	#2352
Racer X 69 Moderator Man With A Camera Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: The Great Pacific Northwet, in the Land Between Canada and Mexico Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 28,064	Originally posted by timb64 That reminded me of this: *WARNING* NSFW (probably) How to use just one square of toilet paper. - YouTube I learned that in Boy Scouts. Seriously. On a campout one time the scoutmaster showed us that "trick". A sure fire way to reduce how much stuff one needs to pack along on a hike into the woods.

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03-13-2020, 03:38 PM - 11 Likes	#2341
bertwert Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Golden, BC Posts: 15,173 Original Poster	As a responsible business owner, all my employees are on a two week quarantine. Productivity is at an all time high, with no one able to leave the office.

03-13-2020, 04:59 PM - 9 Likes	#2342
Digitalis Site Supporter Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Melbourne, Victoria Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,694

03-17-2020, 01:59 AM - 4 Likes	#2344
Liney Veteran Member Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 1,237	With the number of people from our office who are working from home, I get more personal space in the office than I do at home.....

03-18-2020, 09:18 PM - 13 Likes	#2345
clackers Otis Memorial Pentaxian Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Melbourne Photos: Albums Posts: 16,397	"I've been experimenting trying to devise the thinnest possible toilet paper. This morning I had a breakthrough."

03-19-2020, 04:24 AM - 6 Likes	#2346
Fluegel Veteran Member Join Date: Dec 2017 Posts: 469	Digitalis brought to memory a story about a woman buying a DIY closet. The family did not have enough space to store winter clothes. She decided to buy a new closet. The salesman in the store convinced her assembling the closet was not difficult at all. He promised he would help her after the store closed should there be any problems . She bought the closet, brought it home and fitted all the parts in the bedroom. Quite happy with the result she went downstairs and made herself a cup of tea. After the first sip the streetcar passed her house, she heard a noise in the bedroom. The newly assembled closet had fallen apart. Never mind I will fit the parts again and tighten the screws a bit more. Again the closet fell apart after the next streetcar passed her house. She rang the shop and asked the salesman to help her out. Together they assembled the closet. Before the guy could leave another streetcar passed the house. The closet fell apart again. The guy had a clever idea. He picked up a torch from his car, they put the closet together again. He stepped into the closet with the torch to see what went wrong. The woman went downstairs prepared a meal for the family and forgot about the closet. After dinner she went upstairs with her husband. He was surprised to see the new closet and opened it. He saw the man standing in the closet. The guy said: "It is not what you think sir. I am waiting for the streetcar."

03-19-2020, 08:09 AM - 2 Likes	#2348
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,084	Originally posted by timb64 That reminded me of this: Think I'll stay with keeping an old Sears catalog handy

03-19-2020, 12:19 PM - 10 Likes	#2349
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,312	In Britain, everyone is following the latest Government advice : 'Avoid the last-minute rush - Panic Now !'

03-21-2020, 11:15 AM - 3 Likes	#2351
bertwert Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Golden, BC Posts: 15,173 Original Poster	BREAKING NEWS RCMP Asks Criminals to not Commit Crimes The Royal Canadian Mounted Police have issued a press statement in response to the COVID-19 pandemic. "In order to prevent the spread of infection, it is vital that everyone self-isolates and maintains social distancing," states Staff Sergeant Brown, "This includes those who were planning criminal activities." Brown then iterates that contact between criminals and RCMP members can also spread the virus. "Please remain at home and keep our population safe," continues Brown, "however, if you must rob a bank, please ensure that you are wearing masks and gloves."

03-21-2020, 12:06 PM - 2 Likes	#2353
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,084	Britain was far ahead of the USA with admonishing people to maintain a certain inter-personal distance. "MIND THE GAP"

03-21-2020, 03:18 PM - 6 Likes	#2354
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,312	I sat next to the Vicar's daughter at the Garden Party. Emboldened by the warmth of the afternoon, and the Champagne, I threw caution to the winds, and put my hand upon her silk-clad knee. 'Heaven's Above !' she cried.

03-21-2020, 07:18 PM - 10 Likes	#2355
Digitalis Site Supporter Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Melbourne, Victoria Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,694	Finally, a currency we can all get behind.

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