[35mmfilmfan]

My ex-boss went on a 'Safari' to Africa - she was most disappointed to discover that a 12 inch Dik-Dik was only an antelope.

[MarkJerling]

My ex-boss went on a 'Safari' to Africa - she was most disappointed to discover that a 12 inch Dik-Dik was only an antelope.

LOL.

Yes, and a pretty teeny one at that.



(Not my image)

[Unregistered User 8]

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Draconian_(Doctor_Who)

Google is your friend

It shares (belligerently) a border with Freedonia (qv).

Right next to Transylvania. Dracula's dad is from there.

Dracula's father ? I heard he was a bit of a Vlad when he was younger.

I think he drove a Chevy Impaler.

Nah, it was a Dodge Viper.

Vlad the Viper?

Poor Vlad the Cad, Clad in raiment that's all the Fad fashionable as any Chad, got Mad that they labeled him Bad. "I've been HAD!" So Sad.

Or there's the Vampire Antelope - Vlad the Impala.

Full circle.

Give some people an inch,and.........................................................................................:

[disconnekt]

Vlad? I thought his name was Chad 👀

[lesmore49]

I think he drove a Chevy Impaler.

We used to call our '76 Chevy Impala...Vlad.

Vlad the Impaler.

BTW a great car. My parents bought it new in December '75, sold it to my wife and I as a second car in September '84 and we had it till July '97. After 21 years rust finally took a toll. But even so parts of that car live on...the engine went to a guy with an '81 Firebird with a 305 cube V8. He wanted our 350 V8, which he then souped up and installed in his Thunder Chicken. The rad and the HEI ignition went to our godson who put it into his Chevy street rod, the transmission into a truck, wheels and tires onto to a '80's RWD Pontiac.

It was an incredibly reliable daily driver, trailer tower for 21 years. We still think warmly of Vlad !

[Racer X 69]

We used to call our '76 Chevy Impala...Vlad.

Vlad the Impaler.

BTW a great car. My parents bought it new in December '75, sold it to my wife and I as a second car in September '84 and we had it till July '97. After 21 years rust finally took a toll. But even so parts of that car live on...the engine went to a guy with an '81 Firebird with a 305 cube V8. He wanted our 350 V8, which he then souped up and installed in his Thunder Chicken. The rad and the HEI ignition went to our godson who put it into his Chevy street rod, the transmission into a truck, wheels and tires onto to a '80's RWD Pontiac.

It was an incredibly reliable daily driver, trailer tower for 21 years. We still think warmly of Vlad !

Vlad the Impala.

An organ donor.

Way to pay it forward. Good job!

[lesmore49]

Vlad the Impala.

An organ donor.

Way to pay it forward. Good job!

Thx. We gave the car to our godson who parted it out, then the remains went to the crusher with the amount paid ($ 112 CAD) if I recall correctly, to the Kidney Foundation.

BTW, even at 20 years old... Vlad could still get rubber in 2nd gear on a hot summer day. Not bad for a 350- 2 barrel. But we maintained Vlad by the book (owner's manual) . Oil/ filter changes ...grease jobs were every 3,000 miles...Quaker State 5W-30, AC Delco oil filters.

The guy that got the engine for his Firebird, took part of it apart first to check condition and was amazed...no sludge, parts he checked were within spec...21 years old. Not terribly high mileage for it's age, but still well used, but in very good condition.

[bertwert]

My friend wasn't very helpful when he told me that things could be worse, and that I could be down a deep hole full of water, but I know he means well.

[WPRESTO]

If you have the plaice, I have the thyme.

[robtcorl]

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why is ‘bra’ singular and ‘panties’ plural?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough money?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

[clackers]

An old man lay sprawled across three seats in the picture theatre. When the usher noticed this, he whispered to the old man: "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The old man just groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up, I'll have to call the manager." Once again, the old man just groaned.

The usher marched briskly up the aisle and returned with the manager. Together, they repeatedly tried to move the old dishevelled man, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police.

The officer asked, "All right, mate, what's your name?"

"Fred." the old man moaned.

"Where ya from, Fred?" asked the police officer.

With terrible pain in his voice and without moving a muscle, Fred replied, "The balcony."

[StiffLegged]

‘Nuff said.

[35mmfilmfan]

I don't think the financial sector are taking this panic (sorry - pandemic) seriously :

The other day, I put a mask on and they wouldn't even let me in the bank.

[bxf]

I wouldn't be surprised if the following had already been posted previously, but they are good for a laugh even if they were, so...


In the Soviet Union's communist days, both goods and services were scarce. Most cars were owned by politicians, and if an ordinary individual wanted to buy one, there was a 10 year waiting list.

So this guy is going through the process of buying his car. All the paperwork is done, he pays his money, and the salesman says "very good, thank you very much. You can come and pick up your car in ten years". Then the buyer asks, "morning or afternoon?"

The salesman says "after 10 years, what does it matter if it's morning or afternoon?", and the buyer replies "Well, in the morning, the plumber is coming".



In one town on the way to Washington DC, orders came from the top police chief that tickets were to be issued to speedsters with more pertinacity, regardless of who is driving.

One day, George Bush is leaving the White House for a meeting somewhere, but he is running a bit late, so he tells his calm chauffer "get in the back, I'm going to drive. Nobody is going to mess with me". And so it is done, and as Bush is speeding along through the aforementioned town, he passes two motorcycle cops. They look at each other, and go chasing the limo. The limo stops, and cop1 goes to the car, talks a short while and returns to his bike, looking somewhat shaken. Cop2 asks, "so, did you give him a ticket?"
Cop1 replies, "no, too important".
Cop2: "Huh? what do you mean? Who is it?"
Cop1: I don't know, but he's got Bush for a chauffeur.

[lesmore49]

I wouldn't be surprised if the following had already been posted previously, but they are good for a laugh even if they were, so...


In the Soviet Union's communist days, both goods and services were scarce. Most cars were owned by politicians, and if an ordinary individual wanted to buy one, there was a 10 year waiting list.

So this guy is going through the process of buying his car. All the paperwork is done, he pays his money, and the salesman says "very good, thank you very much. You can come and pick up your car in ten years". Then the buyer asks, "morning or afternoon?"

The salesman says "after 10 years, what does it matter if it's morning or afternoon?", and the buyer replies "Well, in the morning, the plumber is coming".



In one town on the way to Washington DC, orders came from the top police chief that tickets were to be issued to speedsters with more pertinacity, regardless of who is driving.

One day, George Bush is leaving the White House for a meeting somewhere, but he is running a bit late, so he tells his calm chauffer "get in the back, I'm going to drive. Nobody is going to mess with me". And so it is done, and as Bush is speeding along through the aforementioned town, he passes two motorcycle cops. They look at each other, and go chasing the limo. The limo stops, and cop1 goes to the car, talks a short while and returns to his bike, looking somewhat shaken. Cop2 asks, "so, did you give him a ticket?"
Cop1 replies, "no, too important".
Cop2: "Huh? what do you mean? Who is it?"
Cop1: I don't know, but he's got Bush for a chauffeur.

Good one(s).


A guy is going through his wardrobe. looking at tossing out clothes he is not wearing anymore. He comes across an old suit that he hasn't worn for about 10 years and thinks this one is going to have to go, but first, I better check the pockets to see if I left any money there.

He checks the pockets...but finds no money. However he does find a claim check for a pair of boots he took into a shoemaker to be resoled, but that was over a decade ago.

Figuring that there's no way the boots are still there after such a long time, he thinks well I'll check with the shoe repair shop anyways. You never know.

So the guy goes to the shoemaker and hands him the claim check.

The shoemaker looks at the claim check, pauses for a moment and replies...'They'll be ready, a week Thursday .'