The Joke Thread

bxf · 04-06-2020, 02:30 PM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by lesmore49

A guy is going through his wardrobe...

The Joke Thread - Page 16 - PentaxForums.com

Sorry

MarkJerling · 04-06-2020, 03:00 PM - **5 Likes**

Originally posted by bxf

In one town on the way to Washington DC, orders came from the top police chief that tickets were to be issued to speedsters with more pertinacity, regardless of who is driving.

One day, George Bush is leaving the White House for a meeting somewhere, but he is running a bit late, so he tells his calm chauffer "get in the back, I'm going to drive. Nobody is going to mess with me". And so it is done, and as Bush is speeding along through the aforementioned town, he passes two motorcycle cops. They look at each other, and go chasing the limo. The limo stops, and cop1 goes to the car, talks a short while and returns to his bike, looking somewhat shaken. Cop2 asks, "so, did you give him a ticket?"
Cop1 replies, "no, too important".
Cop2: "Huh? what do you mean? Who is it?"
Cop1: I don't know, but he's got Bush for a chauffeur.

I heard this one told a little differently!

One day, the Pope is leaving the Vatican for a meeting somewhere, but he is running a bit late, so he tells his slow chauffeur "Get in the back, I'm driving". And so it is done, and as the Pope is speeding through Rome, he passes two motorcycle Carabinieri. They look at each other, and go chasing the limo. The limo stops, and the one Carabinieri goes to the car, talks a short while and returns to his bike, looking somewhat shaken. The other Carabinieri asks, "So, did you give him a ticket?"
Carabinieri1 replies, "No, too important".
Carabinieri2: "Huh? What do you mean? Who is it?"
Carabinieri1: I'm not sure, but he had the Pope for a chauffeur so I think it was God.

Parallax · 04-06-2020, 05:40 PM - **9 Likes**

Nail salons closed
Lash salons closed
Hair salons closed
Tanning salons closed
Waxing salons closed

It's about to get ugly out there lads. Stay safe.

lesmore49 · 04-06-2020, 06:51 PM

Originally posted by bxf

The Joke Thread - Page 16 - PentaxForums.com

Sorry

Nothing to be sorry about.

I haven't read through all the pages of this thread, and I wasn't aware of your prior telling of a similar joke.

I'm not sure where I first heard the version I used, but I'm pretty sure it may have been during the 1960's with me listening to American comedians on the Ed Sullivan show. I'm not sure if the Ed Sullivan Show was too well known outside of the States and Canada...but it was a wonderful variety TV show...that featured all types of very entertaining performers...and many American stand up comedians.

Truth be told I get a lot of my material from vintage American comedian material...mostly stuff from the '30's to the 1990's. Very little of my stuff is original...

Les

Jean Poitiers · 04-07-2020, 02:38 AM - **3 Likes**

Just for fun ... blatant FB steal. Tell someone that you are giving them a black MX with a M 40/2.8 ...

Jean Poitiers · 04-07-2020, 05:53 AM - **14 Likes**

Another FB steal ... oui, I have no shame. Remember that I am French.

lesmore49 · 04-07-2020, 03:25 PM - **1 Like**

EDIT:

I added a bit ** , to provide some extra context.

Throughout my life I've been a fan of western movies and TV shows. But one thing I could never understand especially with shows made in the 1930's to '50's was during extended gun fights...cowboys...both good and bad seemed to have an a never ending supply of bullets in their six shooters.

Both sides would be firing away, for the most part never seen to be reloading. Awhile back I was reading the bio of famous movie actor Burt Reynolds, who was a friend of the 'King of the cowboys' Roy Rogers, who in his time was a huge TV Western star.

Burt asked this very question...why in the old Western films did the cowboys never seem to have to reload their guns ...the guns just seemed to have an inexhaustible supply of bullets in their guns ?

Roy's answer.."'Well, in the movies and TV shows...we always used Colt 45's. "

** I should add...when Roy said Colt 45, he wasn't referring to the caliber of the bullet of the gun...he was jokingly implying that a Colt 45 could shoot 45 bullets without reloading..... as opposed to the typical western movie six shooter gun ..... which would only shoot six bullets.

Last edited by lesmore49; 04-08-2020 at 10:38 AM.

Parallax · 04-07-2020, 03:45 PM - **5 Likes**

Speaking of Roy Rogers.
Dale Evans had just bought Roy a new pair of boots.
Roy got them muddy one day working on his ranch so he left them on the front porch when he went inside.
Some time during the night a cougar came onto the porch and took off with the boots.
From the tracks left in the mud Roy knew what had happened so he saddled his horse and went after the animal.
He found it, shot it, draped it over his saddle and headed home.
When Dale saw it she started singing

wait for it

♫Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes"♫

**WPRESTO** · 04-07-2020, 07:47 PM - **3 Likes**

Originally posted by lesmore49

Throughout my life I've been a fan of western movies and TV shows. But one thing I could never understand especially with shows made in the 1930's to '50's was during extended gun fights...cowboys...both good and bad seemed to have an a never ending supply of bullets in their six shooters.

Both sides would be firing away, for the most part never seen to be reloading. Awhile back I was reading the bio of famous movie actor Burt Reynolds, who was a friend of the 'King of the cowboys' Roy Rogers, who in his time was a huge TV Western star.

Burt asked this very question...why in the old Western films did the cowboys never seem to have to reload their guns ...the guns just seemed to have an inexhaustible supply of bullets in their guns ?

Roy's answer.."'Well, in the movies and TV shows...we always used Colt 45's. "

I wonder how many counted shots the second time they watched "Dirty Harry."

**carabez** · 04-08-2020, 07:48 AM - **2 Likes**

A friend of mine use to say:
"I am not superstitious because it is bad luck"
"What does one more stain matter to my lost reputation if I already look like a leopard"

bertwert · 04-08-2020, 08:41 AM - **7 Likes**

35mmfilmfan · 04-08-2020, 10:11 AM - **5 Likes**

One doctor I used to visit had a sign on her wall saying :

'Even if you are Paranoid -
It doesn't mean they are not all out to get you'

She was the one who told me, when I explained that I was not overweight, just under-tall :

'If you were the right height for your weight, you'd be in the Guinness Book Of Records.'

lesmore49 · 04-08-2020, 10:44 AM - **2 Likes**

Originally posted by WPRESTO

I wonder how many counted shots the second time they watched "Dirty Harry."

I bet a lot did.. I did .

In the movie, Dirty Harry AKA Inspector Callahan, says something like this to this bank robber :

."I know what you're thinking: "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself."

As it happens 'Dirty' had fired six shots.

robtcorl · 04-09-2020, 06:10 AM - **4 Likes**

Wife to husband: What are you doing?
Husband: Playing hopscotch.
Wife: That's not hopscotch, it's just the kids hopping up and down and you drinking scotch.

Parallax · 04-09-2020, 06:47 AM - **7 Likes**

I saw my neighbor out early this morning scraping the "my kid is an honor student" sticker off of her minivan.
I guess that first week of homeschooling didn't go so well.

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04-06-2020, 02:30 PM - 1 Like	#2461
bxf Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Lisbon area Posts: 1,660	Originally posted by lesmore49 A guy is going through his wardrobe... The Joke Thread - Page 16 - PentaxForums.com Sorry

04-06-2020, 03:00 PM - 5 Likes	#2462
MarkJerling Moderator Site Supporter Join Date: May 2012 Location: Wairarapa, New Zealand Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 20,406	Originally posted by bxf In one town on the way to Washington DC, orders came from the top police chief that tickets were to be issued to speedsters with more pertinacity, regardless of who is driving. One day, George Bush is leaving the White House for a meeting somewhere, but he is running a bit late, so he tells his calm chauffer "get in the back, I'm going to drive. Nobody is going to mess with me". And so it is done, and as Bush is speeding along through the aforementioned town, he passes two motorcycle cops. They look at each other, and go chasing the limo. The limo stops, and cop1 goes to the car, talks a short while and returns to his bike, looking somewhat shaken. Cop2 asks, "so, did you give him a ticket?" Cop1 replies, "no, too important". Cop2: "Huh? what do you mean? Who is it?" Cop1: I don't know, but he's got Bush for a chauffeur. I heard this one told a little differently! One day, the Pope is leaving the Vatican for a meeting somewhere, but he is running a bit late, so he tells his slow chauffeur "Get in the back, I'm driving". And so it is done, and as the Pope is speeding through Rome, he passes two motorcycle Carabinieri. They look at each other, and go chasing the limo. The limo stops, and the one Carabinieri goes to the car, talks a short while and returns to his bike, looking somewhat shaken. The other Carabinieri asks, "So, did you give him a ticket?" Carabinieri1 replies, "No, too important". Carabinieri2: "Huh? What do you mean? Who is it?" Carabinieri1: I'm not sure, but he had the Pope for a chauffeur so I think it was God.

04-06-2020, 05:40 PM - 9 Likes	#2463
Parallax Senior Moderator Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Dakota Photos: Gallery Posts: 19,332	Nail salons closed Lash salons closed Hair salons closed Tanning salons closed Waxing salons closed It's about to get ugly out there lads. Stay safe.

04-06-2020, 06:51 PM	#2464
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,342	Originally posted by bxf The Joke Thread - Page 16 - PentaxForums.com Sorry Nothing to be sorry about. I haven't read through all the pages of this thread, and I wasn't aware of your prior telling of a similar joke. I'm not sure where I first heard the version I used, but I'm pretty sure it may have been during the 1960's with me listening to American comedians on the Ed Sullivan show. I'm not sure if the Ed Sullivan Show was too well known outside of the States and Canada...but it was a wonderful variety TV show...that featured all types of very entertaining performers...and many American stand up comedians. Truth be told I get a lot of my material from vintage American comedian material...mostly stuff from the '30's to the 1990's. Very little of my stuff is original... Les

04-07-2020, 02:38 AM - 3 Likes	#2465
Jean Poitiers Pentaxian Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Lost in translation ... Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 18,076	Just for fun ... blatant FB steal. Tell someone that you are giving them a black MX with a M 40/2.8 ...

04-07-2020, 05:53 AM - 14 Likes	#2466
Jean Poitiers Pentaxian Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Lost in translation ... Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 18,076	Another FB steal ... *oui*, I have no shame. Remember that I am French.

04-07-2020, 03:25 PM - 1 Like	#2467
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,342	EDIT: I added a bit , to provide some extra context. Throughout my life I've been a fan of western movies and TV shows. But one thing I could never understand especially with shows made in the 1930's to '50's was during extended gun fights...cowboys...both good and bad seemed to have an a never ending supply of bullets in their six shooters. Both sides would be firing away, for the most part never seen to be reloading. Awhile back I was reading the bio of famous movie actor Burt Reynolds, who was a friend of the 'King of the cowboys' Roy Rogers, who in his time was a huge TV Western star. Burt asked this very question...why in the old Western films did the cowboys never seem to have to reload their guns ...the guns just seemed to have an inexhaustible supply of bullets in their guns ? Roy's answer.."'Well, in the movies and TV shows...we always used Colt 45's. " I should add...when Roy said Colt 45, he wasn't referring to the caliber of the bullet of the gun...he was jokingly implying that a Colt 45 could shoot 45 bullets without reloading..... as opposed to the typical western movie six shooter gun ..... which would only shoot six bullets. Last edited by lesmore49; 04-08-2020 at 10:38 AM.

04-07-2020, 03:45 PM - 5 Likes	#2468
Parallax Senior Moderator Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Dakota Photos: Gallery Posts: 19,332	Speaking of Roy Rogers. Dale Evans had just bought Roy a new pair of boots. Roy got them muddy one day working on his ranch so he left them on the front porch when he went inside. Some time during the night a cougar came onto the porch and took off with the boots. From the tracks left in the mud Roy knew what had happened so he saddled his horse and went after the animal. He found it, shot it, draped it over his saddle and headed home. When Dale saw it she started singing wait for it ♫Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes"♫

04-07-2020, 07:47 PM - 3 Likes	#2469
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,105	Originally posted by lesmore49 Throughout my life I've been a fan of western movies and TV shows. But one thing I could never understand especially with shows made in the 1930's to '50's was during extended gun fights...cowboys...both good and bad seemed to have an a never ending supply of bullets in their six shooters. Both sides would be firing away, for the most part never seen to be reloading. Awhile back I was reading the bio of famous movie actor Burt Reynolds, who was a friend of the 'King of the cowboys' Roy Rogers, who in his time was a huge TV Western star. Burt asked this very question...why in the old Western films did the cowboys never seem to have to reload their guns ...the guns just seemed to have an inexhaustible supply of bullets in their guns ? Roy's answer.."'Well, in the movies and TV shows...we always used Colt 45's. " I wonder how many counted shots the second time they watched "Dirty Harry."

04-08-2020, 07:48 AM - 2 Likes	#2470
carabez Site Supporter Join Date: Jul 2017 Location: Cinco de Mayo Photos: Gallery Posts: 793	A friend of mine use to say: "I am not superstitious because it is bad luck" "What does one more stain matter to my lost reputation if I already look like a leopard"

04-08-2020, 08:41 AM - 7 Likes	#2471
bertwert Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2015 Location: Golden, BC Posts: 15,173 Original Poster

04-08-2020, 10:11 AM - 5 Likes	#2472
35mmfilmfan Pentaxian Join Date: Oct 2016 Location: Norfolk, UK Posts: 4,329	One doctor I used to visit had a sign on her wall saying : 'Even if you are Paranoid - It doesn't mean they are not all out to get you' She was the one who told me, when I explained that I was not overweight, just under-tall : 'If you were the right height for your weight, you'd be in the Guinness Book Of Records.'

04-08-2020, 10:44 AM - 2 Likes	#2473
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,342	Originally posted by WPRESTO I wonder how many counted shots the second time they watched "Dirty Harry." I bet a lot did.. I did . In the movie, Dirty Harry AKA Inspector Callahan, says something like this to this bank robber : ."I know what you're thinking: "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself." As it happens 'Dirty' had fired six shots.

04-09-2020, 06:10 AM - 4 Likes	#2474
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	Wife to husband: What are you doing? Husband: Playing hopscotch. Wife: That's not hopscotch, it's just the kids hopping up and down and you drinking scotch.

04-09-2020, 06:47 AM - 7 Likes	#2475
Parallax Senior Moderator Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Dakota Photos: Gallery Posts: 19,332	I saw my neighbor out early this morning scraping the "my kid is an honor student" sticker off of her minivan. I guess that first week of homeschooling didn't go so well.