The Joke Thread

Unregistered User 8 · 05-17-2020, 03:05 AM - **8 Likes**

" The glass is half full." - Optimistic

" The glass is half empty." - Pessimistic

" The glass is too big." - Realistic

" The glass is perfect." - Idealistic

" Gimme the bottle....." - Alcoholic

Tako Kichi · 05-17-2020, 07:16 AM - **7 Likes**

The rude ones are the best ones Mark!

Mary had a little lamb,
She kept it in a bucket,
And every time that lamb got out
The bull-dog used to ..................

......put it back in again!

What were you all thinking!

lesmore49 · 05-18-2020, 10:17 AM - **8 Likes**

The fact that there is a highway to hell and only a staircase to heaven, says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.

lesmore49 · 05-18-2020, 12:31 PM - **2 Likes**

As I get older, I find that the biggest lie I tell myself, is that I don't need to write that down....I'll remember it.

**StiffLegged** · 05-18-2020, 02:44 PM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by lesmore49

The fact that there is a highway to hell and only a staircase to heaven, says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.

Amen!

Parallax · 05-18-2020, 02:52 PM - **5 Likes**

Originally posted by jeallen01

"NFL"? - "Not .*........ Likely"! (at least for most of us in the UK because it's "not football" - more like a Middle Ages battlefield)

Pft!
If I want to see Middle Ages battlefield, I'll watch the aftermath of a Canadian hockey game or a South American "football" game.

lesmore49 · 05-18-2020, 03:16 PM - **3 Likes**

Originally posted by Parallax

Pft!
If I want to see Middle Ages battlefield, I'll watch the aftermath of a Canadian hockey game or a South American "football" game.

I always thought Rodney Dangerfield was spot on...when he said he went to the fights and a hockey game broke out !

lesmore49 · 05-18-2020, 05:47 PM - **4 Likes**

I'm getting on in years...so I'm writing up a bucket list.

First thing on my bucket list, is to fill the bucket with wine !

After that I'll figure out what's second on my bucket list.

lesmore49 · 05-19-2020, 09:37 AM - **2 Likes**

Steven Wright, American comedian came up with this years ago and I'm still wondering .

'Sponges grow in the ocean. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be, if that didn't happen ? '

**WPRESTO** · 05-19-2020, 09:55 AM - **4 Likes**

So glad that stores got toilet paper restocked before we were wiped out.

robtcorl · 05-19-2020, 03:13 PM - **2 Likes**

Guess what day tomorrow is.

I have no clue either, but know it ends with a y.

Oh wait, it's Groundhog Day!

SpecialK · 05-19-2020, 03:22 PM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by WPRESTO

So glad that stores got toilet paper restocked before we were wiped out.

But delivery is still in streaks and dribbles...

timb64 · 05-19-2020, 03:28 PM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by SpecialK

But delivery is still in streaks and dribbles...

......beware of Klingons!

SSGGeezer · 05-19-2020, 04:53 PM - **1 Like**

Originally posted by lesmore49

As I get older, I find that the biggest lie I tell myself, is that I don't need to write that down....I'll remember it.

What are we doing here again?

lesmore49 · 05-19-2020, 05:38 PM - **1 Like**

Another 'Wrightism' :

'I broke a mirror and got 7 years, but my lawyer thinks he can get me 5....'

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05-17-2020, 03:05 AM - 8 Likes	#2656
Unregistered User 8 Closed Account Join Date: Mar 2015 Photos: Gallery Posts: 8,694	" The glass is half full." - Optimistic " The glass is half empty." - Pessimistic " The glass is too big." - Realistic " The glass is perfect." - Idealistic " Gimme the bottle....." - Alcoholic

05-17-2020, 07:16 AM - 7 Likes	#2657
Tako Kichi Veteran Member Join Date: May 2013 Location: SW Ontario, Canada (ex-pat Brit) Posts: 1,296	The rude ones are the best ones Mark! Mary had a little lamb, She kept it in a bucket, And every time that lamb got out The bull-dog used to .................. ......put it back in again! What were you all thinking!

05-18-2020, 10:17 AM - 8 Likes	#2658
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,342	The fact that there is a highway to hell and only a staircase to heaven, says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.

05-18-2020, 12:31 PM - 2 Likes	#2659
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,342	As I get older, I find that the biggest lie I tell myself, is that I don't need to write that down....I'll remember it.

05-18-2020, 02:44 PM - 1 Like	#2660
StiffLegged Site Supporter Join Date: Jan 2018 Photos: Gallery Posts: 4,617	Originally posted by lesmore49 The fact that there is a highway to hell and only a staircase to heaven, says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers. Amen!

05-18-2020, 02:52 PM - 5 Likes	#2661
Parallax Senior Moderator Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: South Dakota Photos: Gallery Posts: 19,332	Originally posted by jeallen01 "NFL"? - "Not .*........ Likely"! (at least for most of us in the UK because it's "not football" - more like a Middle Ages battlefield) Pft! If I want to see Middle Ages battlefield, I'll watch the aftermath of a Canadian hockey game or a South American "football" game.

05-18-2020, 03:16 PM - 3 Likes	#2662
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,342	Originally posted by Parallax Pft! If I want to see Middle Ages battlefield, I'll watch the aftermath of a Canadian hockey game or a South American "football" game. I always thought Rodney Dangerfield was spot on...when he said he went to the fights and a hockey game broke out !

05-18-2020, 05:47 PM - 4 Likes	#2663
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,342	I'm getting on in years...so I'm writing up a bucket list. First thing on my bucket list, is to fill the bucket with wine ! After that I'll figure out what's second on my bucket list.

05-19-2020, 09:37 AM - 2 Likes	#2664
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,342	Steven Wright, American comedian came up with this years ago and I'm still wondering . 'Sponges grow in the ocean. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be, if that didn't happen ? '

05-19-2020, 09:55 AM - 4 Likes	#2665
WPRESTO Loyal Site Supporter Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Massachusetts Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 59,104	So glad that stores got toilet paper restocked before we were wiped out.

05-19-2020, 03:13 PM - 2 Likes	#2666
robtcorl Veteran Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: St Louis, MO Photos: Gallery Posts: 11,606	Guess what day tomorrow is. I have no clue either, but know it ends with a y. Oh wait, it's Groundhog Day!

05-19-2020, 03:22 PM - 1 Like	#2667
SpecialK Pentaxian Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: So California Photos: Gallery Posts: 16,480	Originally posted by WPRESTO So glad that stores got toilet paper restocked before we were wiped out. But delivery is still in streaks and dribbles...

05-19-2020, 03:28 PM - 1 Like	#2668
timb64 Pentaxian Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: /Situation : Doing my best to avoid idiots! Photos: Gallery Posts: 9,510	Originally posted by SpecialK But delivery is still in streaks and dribbles... ......beware of Klingons!

05-19-2020, 04:53 PM - 1 Like	#2669
SSGGeezer Veteran Member Join Date: Jun 2017 Location: Indiana, U.S. Photos: Gallery \| Albums Posts: 4,845	Originally posted by lesmore49 As I get older, I find that the biggest lie I tell myself, is that I don't need to write that down....I'll remember it. What are we doing here again?

05-19-2020, 05:38 PM - 1 Like	#2670
lesmore49 Pentaxian Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Western Canada Posts: 12,342	Another 'Wrightism' : 'I broke a mirror and got 7 years, but my lawyer thinks he can get me 5....'